Discontented

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Discontented

Postby Skarlet » Tue Jun 30, 2009 12:29 pm

At the moment I am feeling just unhappy with everything that's going on. I have been feeling like I want to end my relationship with my bf, for the past 6 months, because he doesn't trust me, but there is always something going on in his life, that makes it difficult. I then feel guilty and although I have told him I am unhappy, I haven't told him why. He is constantly thinking that I am going to meet someone else, and run off with them.

I don't feel happy with my job, I end up going on the internet all day, although I shouldn't be.. and have started to feel like it isn't right for me. I really like the people I work with, and don't really understand why I feel this way about it. Things aren't bad at the moment, I just don't feel like I have got anywhere, I never meant to end up in IT, and now it just seems like a dead end job. I have been thinking about applying for a law conversion course, to completely change my career. but now I worry that I won't be able to afford it or get a job when I get to the end of that set of courses.
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Re: Discontented

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Jun 30, 2009 12:59 pm

Well if you aren't happy no matter what is going on in your boyfriends life it is not your responsibility to be his leaning post.
If you aren't happy you either need to tell him exactly whats wrong and give him the chance to fix it or leave him. You are making him feel uneasy so he knows something is worng if he thinks you are going to leave him for someone else

As for the degree look into whether you can afford it and if not is there a compromise course you could go on in the evening at college. Are there any jobs with earn while you learn available
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Re: Discontented

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 30, 2009 1:26 pm

I agree with Bel Bel, my addition to the course is see if you can do it part time as well. I did my masters part time and it was soooooooo much easier, the guys on my course had 6/7 exams at a time - which would have been impossible for me; I only had 4 or 5 at most. Doing it part time means you can continue to do normal work (during office hours) so you still get your weekends and night times to yourself or to do uni work.
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Re: Discontented

Postby Fragmented » Tue Jun 30, 2009 1:43 pm

Hi,

You say you've told your bf you're unhappy but not told him why. It might be an option to talk things over with him before you call it a day. We all get discontent with everything from time to time and it can cloud our judgement on important decisions. I'm not sure how long you've been with your bf, but could a break be an option while you think about what you want?

But if you really have decided you don't want to be with him, then like bel bel said, you should end it regardless of his circumstances (there's no such thing as the right time). As for your job, like the others said, there are plenty of work/study options available. It may just be a matter of sitting down and working out a time and finance management plan and seeing what you can afford to do.
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Re: Discontented

Postby Skarlet » Tue Jun 30, 2009 1:52 pm

He has always felt that I am going to leave him though, from the very beginning of our relationship. he doesn't feel good enough for me, and although I have told him over and over again, he doesn't believe me when I tell him different. I tried to talk to him about this, I just find it really difficult. I know there is never such a thing as a good time, I just worry that it isn't the right decision, and if I end it, there is no real going back. I don't think he could accept a break, but I might speak to him about trying to improve things, and then giving it a few months to see if it can change. The reasons why I am unhappy are that he doesn't like me doing things separately from him. He doesn't like it if I go out, or if I want to do new things. He hates it if I talk about my colleagues, (who are all guys) and basically said I talk about one too much, so must fancy him.

I am thinking about applying for it, my sister thinks it is a good idea, thinks I am wasting my brain where I am. I will look at whether part time courses are offered.
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Re: Discontented

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 30, 2009 2:55 pm

You need to tell your boyfriend you can continue to tell him the truth about what you are doing and he will have to deal with the jealousy because you can't continue the way it's going, so if he isn't prepared to deal with the jealousy then you'll lie to him about things so he feels better and ask him which he'd prefer.

alicat wrote:but I might speak to him about trying to improve things, and then giving it a few months to see if it can change.


Don't make any rush decisions, at least speaking to him and giving him a chance will give him time to try and prove his worth.

As with your work colleagues, you have to talk about them, it's not your fault if they are all male; I work in engineering and most of my colleages are male, we sit in groups of 6 at work and I'm the only girl in my group. I sit with 2 young men (my age), one of which is the other half to my department, so I talk about him more...maybe if you explain your circumstances that, I talk about X more because "we sit together" and there is nothing more to it.

I do think your boyfriend needs to sort his jealousy issues out, there is jealousy and then there is too much. Does he go out without you? Does he have a mix of male and female friends?
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Re: Discontented

Postby Skarlet » Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:01 pm

No, unfortunately not. He doesn't like going out without me, although I have suggested it. He doesn't have many friends now, except from workmates, and I am invited to those gatherings. He does have friends outside of me, but they don't go out much either, and they tend to talk more online in wow.
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Re: Discontented

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:32 pm

In wow *rolls eyes* :roll:

You could just be really blunt with him and say I'm still going out with my friend whether you like it or not and it is your choice not to go out with your friends.
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Re: Discontented

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:13 am

Tell him if he continues to be this way that will be why you leave
Tell him he has the chance to make things better which will mean you are more likely to wnat to stay
He will creat what he fears most by leaving things as they are
Read the jealousy sticky at the begining of girlfriends and boyfriends and suggest some of the ideas to help him sort his jealousy
Are you happy with him apart from this, do you think you would wnat to stay if theis issue was sorted?
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Re: Discontented

Postby captainf » Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:34 pm

It sounds to me like you need to have a serious chat with him. Explain to him that things are not working with how they currently stand. Make it clear that for a healthy relationship you need to spend time apart aswell as together. Also make it clear that you dont fancy anyone at work.

In addition to all this I think that you should give it some time for these changes to settle in and then see how it goes.

I'm just curious, why does he feel hes not good enough for you? There is no reason for this to be the case is there?

As for jobs, why not just try applying to different places and see how you get on?
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Re: Discontented

Postby Skarlet » Fri Jul 03, 2009 10:12 am

I did have a serious chat with him, and we have agreed changes, but alas he is now fixated on the fact that I was unhappy and didn't tell him. Which is understandable, but I am stuck wondering whether we will et past it.

He is older then me, he has very low self esteem and is always looking for validation from others. And I am his dream girl, and so he has me held on a pedestal, where he will never be as good as me. No, if anything I have always tried to boost his confidence and tell him otherwise, unfortunately is never as easy as just telling someone, they have to believe you.

My job though at the moment is pretty perfect for a job in IT- my concern is that I am not sure I want to work in IT anymore, and as my skillbase is entirely in that, plus jobs round my area are pretty few and far between. I have been thinking about going back to uni to pursue a career in law. which i think i will keep investigating.
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Re: Discontented

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 03, 2009 10:15 am

i think you should encourage your boyfriend to get some conseeling for his self esteem.

you have to remind him you needed to decide how to handle your unhappiness and once you knew you decided to talkto him and he should realise that shows how much you care and what to try and work things out

His insecurities will eventually be the downfall of this relationship if he doesn't sort it out
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Re: Discontented

Postby RagDoll » Fri Jul 03, 2009 1:01 pm

Also, you should remind him that he must have done something good and have nice qualities himself since he's managed to bag his 'perfect girl'.
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Re: Discontented

Postby Skarlet » Fri Jul 03, 2009 1:09 pm

I do, I tell him all the time. If i compliment him he brushes it off.
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Re: Discontented

Postby captainf » Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:57 am

I think you just have to give it time for the changes to set in. Then make a decision.

Erm has your name changed?
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