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Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 11:09 am
by Bel Bel
IT'S BEST TO BE HONEST. He already knows something up so put him out of his and your misery. There is no point dragging it on.
I agree with Cf be honest but try not to make it a character assination of him
And don't say "it's not you it's me" - classic annoying line that loads of people use. People can understand an honest reason and it leaves them not wondering why it happened.
Things just aren't working out how you hoped, it's ok to leave someone if it's not working out
Ultimatley treat him how you would like to be treated if somoe was breaking up with you

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 4:47 pm
by captainf
Bel Bel's advice is 100% correct. Just be honest. It will hurt both of you at first but its the best thing to do.

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:05 am
by Skarlet
I talked to him yesterday, there were lots of tears, and promises to be better, and asking for one more chance. I have asked for a few days apart to really think about what I want. So I am going to go back to my parents, and really think about everything. I just feel so exhausted today, not sure I can focus at work.

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:16 am
by RagDoll
That's fair enough, but do you really need time to decide what you want?!

In my experience, people rarely change. He's had plenty of time to adjust his behaviour, but he hasn't so far, so why should it be any different now?

From an outsiders' point of view, I think you didn't put an end to it because you felt guilty when you saw how upset he was - if that's the case you're just going to have to bite the bullet and end things. I know it's easy for me to say that though!

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:43 am
by Bel Bel
Yes I agree with ragdoll if you know it's not what you want then get it over and done with
Dragging it out will prolong the pain for both of you

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 12:29 pm
by captainf
I think taking a few days to think your decision through is quite wise. Theres alot of feelings and emotion all up in the air at the moment and now you've moved back to your parents and have time away from your boyfriend theres nothing wrong with seeing how life is without living with him. Just give it a few days, see how you feel and then make your final decision.

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:43 pm
by RagDoll
Just wondering how it's going Skarlet? Is time apart helping you think more clearly?

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:53 pm
by Skarlet
Things are still all up in the air. Things have got better when I have seen him and he has admitted to acting really badly. Whether or not we can get back on track and together is another issue. He has tried to seek counselling, but he can't really afford it with the divorce he is going through, and his GP said he could only get help if he was suicidal. Just taking things a day at a time.

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 2:05 pm
by RagDoll
Hmmmm... it doesn't sound like you've had much time apart if you've still seen him over the last few days! Even though things have been better when you've seen him, I'd still be wary - it's easy to be on your best behaviour for a short period of time, but long-term will he revert back to the way he was?

Anyway, just food for thought. I hope it all works out for the best!

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:06 pm
by captainf
Thats rubbish. His doctor can send him to counselling sessions without him being suicidal! Maybe your boyfriend should see another doc to get the referal.

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 4:26 pm
by RagDoll
How is it going Skarlet? (if you don't mind me asking that is!)

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 8:50 am
by Skarlet
Sorry Ragdoll, didn't notice your post. Things are better, I have decided to stay in my job. I didn't split up with my bf, although I am still not sure I want to stay. Its got more complicated because now I have decided not to go back to uni, my parents want to loan me a deposit on a house for my bf and I, and its made the decisions more difficult.

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:25 am
by RagDoll
That's ok :)

I am glad things are better.

I personally don't think you should accept a deposit from them for a house for your boyfriend and you... maybe you could accept it and house hunt for yourself instead and say to your boyfriend that if things are still going ok in the future he can move in? Moving in together is a commitment in itself and if you're not even sure you're commited to him/the relationship it would seem a bit silly taking that next step at the mo.

Are your parents aware of the issues you've been having with your boyfriend?

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:36 am
by Skarlet
Yeh they are, my older sister pointed it out to them as well.

My Mum is very into action, once she has decided something then thats it, and where I thought we were going to talk about it, they were going into estate agents and looking at properties. I am trying to rein them in at the moment.

Re: Discontented

PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:44 am
by RagDoll
Hmmm I'm sure they're only trying to be helpful, but don't let them push you into anything... it's your life at the end of the day. I find it a bit strange that they want you to move in with someone that you've only recently been considering leaving (no offence to you or your parents there).