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Can't make this decision

PostPosted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 3:58 pm
by cornflake__girl
Hello all

My problem, as many are, is quite complicated, although maybe it just seems that way to me. Nevertheless I shall try and keep it brief. I've recently broken up with my fiancé as I realised marriage was not what I wanted, and in any case I didn't want to be with him anymore. It was a hard decision to reach but I'm sure that it was the right one. However now I'm faced with a dilemma of where to go and what to do. My job and location were dependent on my boyfriend, as he had a good job here and we moved here for it. So that decision was always out of my hands, as I went from job to job, unsure of what to do with myself, he was always my permanent fixture - the stable factor keeping me in this town. Now that is gone, and I'm not much liking this new found freedom as I struggle to decide if I should stay here and work on meeting more people, as I only have a limited friendship group in this town, and stick in a job I'm not that sure about, although it is at least permanent for once. I have been trying very hard to find another job here, but am having no luck at all. My other option is to move to Spain, where my parents live. I studied Spanish at university, and although it's very rusty now, I'm sure I would pick it up again were I to move there. I've been trying to find work there but it's very difficult to find a job anywhere at the moment, and I'm still so unsure about what I want to do. To further complicate matters I recently started up a fling with someone I work with, and although we say it is nothing serious it is confusing me further and I'm thinking I should end it. A little psycho analysis delivered me to the conclusion that I'm looking for something to take the decision out of my hands - if it works out with the colleague then I stay and find myself in much the same position as I was in six months ago, or if it all goes horribly wrong (as is much more likely) then I have to leave and go to the sanctuary of my parents with no guarantee of finding work.

I'm usually a very decisive person and know in my gut what I want to do, but a number of wrong turns and bad choices in the last couple of years, in terms of courses, jobs and now relationships, have thrown my usual decisive nature off kilter and now I doubt myself. I'm not really looking for someone to tell me what to do, but just to tell me how to make the decision, as I know it must be my own, but each day I feel differently and I'm truly struggling to see what I should do.

Re: Can't make this decision

PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2009 9:17 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
cornflake__girl wrote:I'm usually a very decisive person and know in my gut what I want to do


Well what do you want to do? If you know, no one can influence you.

Why don't you write down a list of pro's and con's for each situation; then write a list of pro's and con's about the same situations in say 5 years time. Don't stay or go based on a "fling" either.

As for the fling; I agree, I do think you should end it as it is unfair to him and to yourself in the long run.