New Years Eve

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New Years Eve

Postby fe » Thu Dec 25, 2003 11:27 pm

Hey, i duno if u can help with this problem...
i really wana spend New Years Eve with my boyfriend...especially when the clock ticks over...but ive sorta developed this fear of people stayin at my house for the night
i duno wot exactly it is...i feel totally fine wen my boyfriend is here and there r trains about...but when the last train goes, ive gota fear that i'l have a panic attack, and i wont b able to get away from it because he wont be able to get home...if that makes any sense?
i havnt a clue wot to do!!!seeing as there r no trains on new years eve....how am i goin to get around this problem??its really gettin me down...im dreadin new years. Please help, its really close!!!
thanku
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Postby captainf » Fri Dec 26, 2003 7:53 pm

Hey,

Why don't you discuss the problem with your b/f and tell him how you are feeling about that situation? That way, even if you do have a panic attack, he will atleast be prepared for it, and will be able to comfort and maybe even calm you down?

I think that what you need to do also is to try and develope a sense of trust in your b/f, as he isn't going to hurt you, and try to let him be able to help you in such a situation.

Remember, just talk to him about it, and i'm sure everything will be okay.

The very best of luck.

All the best,

Ashley
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Postby LoVe BuG » Fri Dec 26, 2003 8:11 pm

i agree with captain flynn
Why don't you discuss the problem with your b/f and tell him how you are feeling about that situation? That way, even if you do have a panic attack, he will atleast be prepared for it, and will be able to comfort and maybe even calm you down?


you should really tell him how you feel about it.

love trudi
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Postby fe » Sat Dec 27, 2003 7:44 pm

o yea!he does know..ALL about it....i forgot to mention that bit...hes totally understandin etcetc...but i am so scared of the panic attack, that i'l try to avoid a situation which i believe i'l have one in...if that makes sense...

even though he does know, it doesnt really help the attacks?i need a get out clause for him for me to feel safe...thats the bit im stuck on..! :-?
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Postby saz » Sat Dec 27, 2003 8:37 pm

Hi i hope you are ok. I have had panic attacks before and they are scary i know. I used to worry about having one at school but for me i felt better when someone else was with me in case i had one. I dont like being left alone because then my thoughts can race and i get anxious, only at night though.

You have to try and think rationally about the situation. What triggers your panic attacks or are they quite sudden for no reason? And what is it that you are worrying about? If you can see the pattern of when they start then you could try and avoid triggering one off, and therefore may not have one new years so your boyfriend would be able to stay.

As you probably know panic attacks are not dangerous but are frightening. Deep breathing is a good thing to practice. I found that having someone else to distract me was a good thing, my mum or friend used to talk to me about other things to calm me down. Maybe you could try this with your boyfriend. Even if your boyfriend is there, you cant run away from a panic attack and it might make it better for you to have someone there to help you.

I really would like to understand what is bothering you but it is slightly confusing that you would rather he went home. Are you worried about him seeing you having a panic attack? ie being embarrased in front of other people? If you have learned to cope with your panic attacks by doing it on your own then your new fear is having someone with you and you need to sort this out, because it sounds like you dont want to feel this way.

I hope you get through new year and have a nice time. Concerntrate on having fun and seeing in the new year. I think it would be a good idea if you went to your GP to talk about counselling or therapy to help with your panic attacks. Good luck.
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Postby fe » Sat Dec 27, 2003 10:09 pm

Thank u so much for ur advice saz.
ive had panic attacks for 10yrs now, so I have been through the motions of breathin exercises etcetc. Ive had all available therapies under the sun; hypnosis, psychotherapy, councelling, etcetc. though the things i panic about seem to shift. years ago, it was mainly holidays and school trips without parents, then not being able to get home from somewhere, now its people being at my house aswell. I have recently passed my drivin test, so ihave found that having a car really aids it. i can rely on it to take me home,to 'safety'.

I think, really, the thing that sets off a panic attack is me thinking about it too much. If i am occupied and dont think about havin a panic attack, then i more often than not, dont. I also find that if i have a "escape route" or something like that, andi think of a panic attack, i can normally get it to go before it starts. but when the "escape route" isnt there. i cant stop thinking about them...and in turn this makes me panic. Im not sure if im making a lot of sense, its very hard to explain, as my feelings arent rational!

If you have learned to cope with your panic attacks by doing it on your own then your new fear is having someone with you and you need to sort this out, because it sounds like you dont want to feel this way.

That makes a lot of sense to me. Even though I have had my parents for support, I am an only child and have always dealt with them on my own. Only my dad has had panic attacks, but I didnt know this when I was younger so I kept the feelings to myself, even though my parents knew I was having them.Even now, if im with someone who understands my panic, i stil wont tel them i am having one because i feel that its admitting it to myself. My therapist has since told me that admitting may take a bit of it away.
I'm not sure that I find it embarrasing to have a panic attack in front of people.i think there mayb an element of letting them down?

thank u for ur advice again.
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Postby saz » Sun Dec 28, 2003 3:24 pm

Having a panic attack is nothing to be ashamed of, and asking for peoples help may well go a long way to help you. My mum used to know the signs and look after me while i was having one and it really helped. My anxiety was about dying or being ill, a headache would mean a brain tumour a noise downstairs would mean burglars etc. I dont suffer from them anymore and do you know why? Counselling helped but also distracting my mind, i am so busy nowadays and have other things going round in my head, washing, cleaning, shopping, the baby. Also talking aloud saying rational thoughts like 'i have had a headache before and i was fine, i am going to be fine' all the positive things.

Admitting it to yourself and others may bring everything into perspective for you, and make you feel less anxious about having one. It is so true that the more you think about the attacks the more anxious you do get. Maybe you need to look at another way of coping with them, something you can do no matter where you in case the escape route safety plan isn't an option.

Having another person there with you to pace the room, talk to you to distract your thoughts is a really good way of coping. If i was alone, i used to put the TV or music on, anything to distract my mind from panicking and if my mum was there she used to help me. You are very used to coping alone but you dont have to.

I am sorry to hear that your therapy has not been helpful to you but dont give up. Maybe you just need time or you could find a change in circumstances (to give you more security perhaps?) would benefit you.
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Postby fe » Tue Dec 30, 2003 1:11 pm

ok wel....i think that im going to book a hotel down the road from me, so that my boyfriend can staythere....if im up to it, i'l hopefully stay there too!

though my minds already tryin to go into over drive thinkin out all the reason that i can make up to screw this up...*fingers crossed i'l do it*

spent ages lastnite tryin to get to sleep with all the things about NewYears flyin around my head!I jus hope it goes really quickly.i look forward to New Years Day mornin wen i feel the gr8 feelin of relief and proudness, that i have made it!! [-o<
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Postby fe » Fri Jan 02, 2004 1:19 pm

I made it!!!
thanku VERY much for ur advice :D
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