Where has my sex drive gone?

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Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby RagDoll » Wed Jun 24, 2009 1:47 pm

I don’t know what’s wrong with me at the moment, but for the past month or so I’ve just not been into sex at all.

I’ve usually got quite a high sex drive and I used to love it, but it’s starting to feel more and more like a chore. Sometimes we start (even though in my head I’ve not really got the urge – I always hope it’ll come once we start) and I end up stopping it half way through, as I’m really not enjoying it. My boyfriend is really good about it and doesn’t kick up a fuss or anything, but I feel bad – I don’t really understand what’s changed.

I guess it does feel a bit too safe and maybe a bit dull to be honest. I think we’ve reached the point where we’re almost too comfortable with one another. We know each other inside and out, we get on great, we live together – it just doesn’t feel naughty or exciting anymore. I almost think the fact we get on so well is a bit of a turn off when it comes to sex (it’s obviously a good thing 95% of the time though!) in the sense that there’s a lack of passion?! I know that probably sounds stupid… it’s just that some of my previous relationships have been more volatile, but also more passionate – when it was bad, it was really bad, but when it was good, it was really good.

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? I don’t really think it’s about trying different positions or anything like that… I just want to want it again!
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby Skarlet » Wed Jun 24, 2009 1:58 pm

Have you been worried about anything recently or under stress because that really does affect sex drives?
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby RagDoll » Wed Jun 24, 2009 2:07 pm

Nothing more than usual really - I have been worried about my job/career in general, but I've been worried about that for months and months
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby Skarlet » Wed Jun 24, 2009 2:14 pm

Hmm okay, do you worry that you aren't going to be able to get into it when you do start having sex? I know that if I am not feeling it, but start, if I keep thinking that i am not getting into it, I don't.
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby RagDoll » Wed Jun 24, 2009 2:16 pm

Yeh, I do worry about that. I also worry about why I don't feel the desire for it as well. It's just not like me at all. Usually even if I don't feel that much in the mood, once we start I get into it, but at the moment I just can't seem to get there.
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby Skarlet » Wed Jun 24, 2009 2:21 pm

why not try taking the pressure of a bit, because it sounds like you may be in a vicious circle. Why not say to your bf, that you would like to go back to basics. lots of kissing cuddles and touching but no full sex for a bit, it might help you rediscover your sex drive.?
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Jun 24, 2009 2:45 pm

Do you think that getting a game or something might help?

Are you feeling down about anything else?

I do like alicat's suggestion about going back to basics, maybe even go on dates. Do you think it is because you are spending all your time together and not socialising apart? - I'm sure the situation with your bf's friends won't be helping either.
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Jun 24, 2009 2:48 pm

Also have you started taking any medications or anything?

How long have you been together and how long have you been living together?
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby RagDoll » Wed Jun 24, 2009 2:57 pm

Yeh, I think Alicat's suggestion might work and I did say to my boyfriend last night that I want him to wait for me to initiate it next time hence taking the pressure off. I might actually put Alicat's suggestion to him though - we never do anything except kiss and cuddle unless it's leading to sex.

With regards to going on dates, I don't really think that's necessary - we do plenty of things together e.g. go for meals, days out etc.

It might be something to do with spending a lot of time together, I guess that's part and parcel of me saying it doesn't feel very exciting anymore, but it's inevitable when you live together. We've been together a year and three quarters, we've lived together for the last three quarters of our relationship.

Not taking any medication, just the pill as per!
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:00 pm

Have you changed brands of pill?
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby RagDoll » Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:03 pm

nope, been on the same one since I was 16 (24 now)
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby Skarlet » Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:19 pm

Are there any niggles around the house? do you feel tired at the moment? Has anything else changed for you that this could be tied to?
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:29 pm

YOU COULD BE RIGHT ABOUT SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER
TRY GETTING AWAY SO YOU MISS EACH OTHER OR GO OUT WITH FRIENDS A BIT MORE OFTEN
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby RagDoll » Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:38 pm

Hmmm I guess it could be a factor. It's really difficult to spend time without each other though to be honest - due to the fact my boyfriend has cut his friends out of his life. I still have mine (and even then a lot of them are busy a lot of the time), but I feel bad leaving him at home for ages by himself
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Re: Where has my sex drive gone?

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jun 24, 2009 4:13 pm

THEN ENCOURAGE HIM TO FIND NEW FRIEND OR TAKE UP NEW HOBBIES OR I CAN SEE THIS GETTING MORE OF A PROBLEM
sorry on caps :oops:
spending too much time together really can cause these problems. Although I agree with trying the other solutions aswell
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