is it my fault :(

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is it my fault :(

Postby lotsaworries » Fri Jul 17, 2009 11:46 pm

right well here goes. ive just started kinda seeing this guy which i really like, hes soo nice and seems really into me too. anyways ive been meeting him for quite a while now and last night we slept together for the first time, everything was going great, then about 3/4 of the way through he lost his erection, he was really sorry about it and tried a couple of times to get it back up which worked then he lost it again, i think he could tell i was abit upset about it and i said that i felt like it was my fault, he promised me it was nothing to do with me and that he thought i was gorgeous, hes always telling me how attractive he thinks i am but now i cant help but wonder and its got me really down about what happened, is it my fault, am i not attractive enough for him to keep an erection through sex. please help because its really got me down :(
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Re: is it my fault :(

Postby snail » Sat Jul 18, 2009 12:29 pm

I don't think it will be anything to do with you not being attractive enough. After all, he liked you enough to get it going in the first place, didn't he :D As it was your first time together, it was probably just nerves, or it might have just been bad luck - occasionally a guy can lose an erection for no real reason, just like sometimes a woman doesn't climax for no real reason - that's just how it is that day. Try not to be upset about it or make him feel bad about it. If it ever happens again, maybe just stop intercourse for a while and have him do something else to you. That way, it takes the pressure off him because he can please you in a different way, and you might even end up being glad when it happens 8)
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Re: is it my fault :(

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:02 am

I agree with Snail
Most erection lose is down to physcological pressure. Usually once this starts the cycle continues so you need to help by being patient, understanding and not taking it at all personally.
He will now be mortified he made you feel this way and that will add to the pressure so you need to really take your time and do plenty of other stuff so he doesn't feel under pressure to perform.
If it happens again try to be real light herted about it and say "look don't worry lets enjoy other stuff" and really try not to let him think it's bothering you so much
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Re: is it my fault :(

Postby Josie » Tue Aug 04, 2009 7:38 pm

I PROMISE you it isn't your fault -- this happens to men a LOT! It happens to my man sometimes during sex, and it can often be because he is tired/stoned/had a couple of drinks etc etc etc... sometimes he's not 'fully hard' for some reason, but then he thinks about and thinks about it and worries about what I'm thinking etc, and makes it even worse for him! It responds to those worries and droops! So don't worry at all, you're going to come across it during your life, it happens sometimes and is nothing to worry about, it is more likely something do to with him psychologically than have anything whatsoever to do with you! Sometimes a fella needs to fart or something and they start concentrating on trying to hold it in (!) and then the erection goes too... soooo many things can affect it. Don't worry at all!!
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Re: is it my fault :(

Postby peecee » Tue Aug 04, 2009 7:44 pm

Josie wrote: Sometimes a fella needs to fart or something and they start concentrating on trying to hold it in (!) and then the erection goes too...


:rofl: :rofl:

It's really true, love and romance aren't always about chocs, flowers and sweet nothings... :P
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Re: is it my fault :(

Postby Josie » Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:05 pm

Exactly peecee! Me and my partner are verrry familiar with each other now (we have a family together etc) and I have to say I love this intimacy -- anything goes really and you can discuss things so much more easily and really understand the way each other's body works and why certain things happen etc -- much less nerve-wracking than those early days! But I can completely relate to the OP because when it happened early on in our relationship (or in previous relationships) I did used to worry that it was me that caused the loss of erection somehow, but it's great to be open about that kind of thing and when your partner explains it honestly it takes the mystery out of it, it brings relief!
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Re: is it my fault :(

Postby smiler656 » Tue Aug 11, 2009 1:37 pm

[quote] Sometimes a fella needs to fart or something and they start concentrating on trying to hold it in (!) and then the erection goes too... [/quote]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I hope that brought a smile to your face lotsaworries :D

I understand how upsetting this is for you. I think that a lot of us have been there- rest assured you're not the first and you won't be the last! Please don't let this put you off. He's going to need reassurance now too and it's a vicious circle because now he'll be worrying about it which will make the problem worse. Try doing other things too so that you are both relaxed.

and remember - it's definitely NOT ur fault.
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