i am a lesbian, and need help on deciding what too do...

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i am a lesbian, and need help on deciding what too do...

Postby maz » Wed Oct 18, 2006 2:38 pm

Hey people,
Long story but i will only make it short as possible.
I am a 21 year old muslim and so is she.
A couple of years back i met a girl, (shes married by the way). I met her through my mum because my mother was friends with her mother in law. I didn`t really notice this girl she is 32 and has 4 children, but she started to pay me attention. I was so confused @ first because she started with stroking my hair, breasts and kissed me down my neck(which felt so nice). She always complimented me saying i wish i had someone like you, and that your pretty and kept calling me her sweetheart.
To tell you the truth i actually liked it; i know shes married etc but i liked her because she liked me. She doesn`t know im a lesbian!
She even said too me once, come round on your own sometime not with your mum and help me with my new dishwasher your clever, just need someone to tell me which buttons to press.
Too make matters worse her sister also married likes me aswell, she has a daughter and is 27. I know you must be laughing by now..
Thing is i don`t actually see the older sister anymore because my mother and her mother in law had an argument over another friend mum sided with.
Thing is due to my mother not talking to her family anymore, has had an impact on me because i don`t speak to her anymore.
We went to a funeral today and she was there also, she kept staring at me i wanted to say hi, but so many people were there i just didnt have the chance. I don`t know why i miss her so much?
Im not boasting about myself but i am kind of good looking but haven`t had any luck with anyone due to me being picky. I haven`t had sex etc.. just in case your wondering saving myself for the right person.
Why can`t i stop thinking about her, she was mad about me first, don`t know if she still is but thing is i think im actually having feelings for her. I saw her with her husband @ the funeral and was going to say hi but when i saw him i got jealous and didn`t bother.
I know a long story sorry, had to let it all out.

Thank you so much for reading this.

xxx
maz
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Re: i am a lesbian, and need help on deciding what too do...

Postby retrochav » Wed Oct 18, 2006 7:54 pm

Your married friend with four children has behaved in very sexual overtones! It is likely she is a lesbian, but has married from a sense of duty and maternal longing.

Even the more liberal women of western cultures would not stoke breasts and kiss the neck of another woman unless she had lesbian tendancies, however fleeting.

The choice is your as to what to do. I would caution that you are taking a huge risk to follow your desires with this woman. I am not simply talking about sex, i can understand your wanting to save yourself for the right partner. My fear is that if you were caught kissing or demonstrating another form of affection, it could wreck your standing in your community. Also, like any married woman with children, it would cause huge problems. She simply isnt free to love you all the while she is married, and wishes to remain in the mainstream muslim community.

That said, i am sure you are aware of these risks. Is there a way of visiting this woman? Could you broker a peace between the families? It wouldnt be suspicous to be in the company of another woman, but ask yourself if you could cope with the discretion that would be absolutely vital to keep the status quo - you already feel jealous of her husband.

I have heard there is a helpline for gay muslims, i wont put the number here but if you pm me i will give it to you. If worse came to worse and you needed to leave your community there are refuges for muslim women as well. Personally i would keep her as a warming fantasy, and await someone truely available, but its your life.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby maz » Wed Oct 18, 2006 8:25 pm

Thank you for reply.
Since i saw her today i am going absolutely mad, can`t get her out of my system. I wanted to speak too her, she was looking at me but because my mother and her husband were present i couldn`t say hi. Also i was scared of her reaction because haven`t spoken since mums and her mother in law`s argument.
I have also found out her mother in law has gone abroad, and she is home alone because her husbands a taxi driver. Feel like going in the dark and when opens door, push her against the wall and snog her. I know i am mad, but its made me feel better that her mother in law is abroad now.
maz
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Postby retrochav » Thu Oct 19, 2006 8:11 am

Well, i would ensure she hasnt got friends/family over first!!!

If you feel you want to see her, do be careful. If you got found out, she could accuse you of seducing her! Lets face it, many in the straight world have really weird views and think that if someone has children they must be 100% straight, and any gay encounter is down to preditory homosexuals!!!

I cant help but advise upmost caution, i really think if you develop emotional feelings for her you are bound to get hurt. At best, you would be in for a really bumpy ride. But its your decision and you have to do what you see right for you. Good luck
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby maz » Thu Oct 19, 2006 8:13 pm

I feel so alone, why did i ever meet her.. From the moment i met her i knew instantly she felt something for me. I didn`t like her in that way not until this day. Since yesterday i can`t stop thinking about her! I hope im not falling in love with her because shes married and i know she can`t be mine. It feels like she has done a curse on me, i feel i need to hold her and caress her face. Oh i so wish i could hold her tight, the feeling would be amazing.
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Postby maz » Sat Oct 21, 2006 2:20 pm

Im feeling isolated :(
I just don`t know what too do.. don`t know why she chose me of all people.
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Postby peecee » Mon Nov 27, 2006 10:42 pm

bump
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