Cross-dressing habit

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Cross-dressing habit

Postby Confused_Soul » Wed Apr 02, 2003 4:36 pm

Hi.

I have a kinda sexual problem and an identity crisis. I have been cross dressing since i was 13. I am now 18. I initially thought it was a passing phase which would go away. There was stigma attached to it, like what if someone found out? Despite this, i continued it for the next five years. i was happy from about 13 to 16 when i went college. Then depression began to set in. I think also cause i had a part time job and some cash, that i could take my cross dressing to the next level. I brought the clothes, the make up and the wigs. I am always determined not to do it, but my feelings take over. I get excited at the prospect of doing it, but then i feel ashamed after doing it. When i turned 17, my sister discovered my terrible secret and tried to help me. I was glad i could confide in her and became determined not to do it again. However, over the past year i have done it on and off and after doing it always discard the clothes. I then swear to my self that i will never do it again, but i still do.This occurs now about every 2-3 months.

I have been out dressed as a girl several times, i.e. to the town, swimming, to a newsagent etc. Thankfully no one i knew saw me, but people gave me funny looks which made me $--t scared and frightened. I knew it was suicidal but i had to do it. One positive is that the number of times i used to do it had decreased from 50 to about 10 times a year. But i want to extinguish the problem fully.

What causes it? I think its sexual energy, feelings and desires. I always have desires when doing it e.g. dressing like a hooker, french maid etc. I think also it helps me deal with the stress around me i.e. from college, work, family life etc. But i dont want to deal with my problems this way.

Also i am worried about letting my family down. My sister knows my secret but i dont want to have my parents discover my secret. Also i am from an asian background which doesnt really understand problems like this. people like to gossip in this community and if seen, my parents would eventually find out.

I have been told to accept it as a part of me, but i am having a hard time accepting this. If any one can give some good advice, please do.

Thanks :)
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Postby Enigma » Wed Apr 02, 2003 6:41 pm

Hello Confused_Soul!

The thing about this situation that is worrying you most is the possible implications. Putting that aside, you are feeling uncomfortable with yourself.

I think the first thing to deal with is that negativity. You accept that cross-dressing is something you enjoy, but you have not yet come to a conclusion about the meaning of it.

What sexuality do you consider yourself, if any?

If you went to a gay nightclub, with people who enjoy doing the same thing, how would that make you feel?

You say you want to stop doing this - why?
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Postby Enigma » Wed Apr 02, 2003 6:52 pm

Confused_Soul wrote:I have a mental/sexual problem. I started cross dressing at the age of 13. At that point i was embarrased but i figured the problem would go away. Well here i am five years later, but i am still cross dressing.
I have been out several times as a girl dressed in a less than honourable way, but i felt incredibly turned on. Of course i was worried that i might get seen or followed but Its like an addiction that i must do over and over. But i realised it is an addiction that i want to kick to the kerb.

Why have i done it? Could be a variety of things. Mainly i think its sexual feelings or the thrill of being transformed in to a sex object. I am still a virgin and i have not had a proper relationship. I am completely heterosexual. I think i am decent looking, but i dont attract girls. I have a confidence problem. I think stress from college and my p/t job might contribute, family issues. My sisters are both married which has increased my loneliness. I have few friends and go out rarely.

I am always afraid of being found out by my parents or people from college. My sisters are aware of my problem and have done their best to help me. If it got around at college i would be a social outcast. Also i am from an asian background which doesnt fully understand issues like this and would not tolerate this.

I attempt to control it but have difficulty doing so. Sometimes i feel like i am the only one in this world who cross dresses, eventhough i am probably not. When occupied by these thoughts, it dominates my mind. I cant focus on my college work or my job. Its overwhelming.

It might be a way of getting out my sexual energy, but i dont want to do it in this way. People say those who are sexually frustrated turn to transvestism or even some people are emotionally healthy by doing this. Ive been told to accept it, but i am having difficulty doing so.
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Postby Enigma » Wed Apr 02, 2003 6:58 pm

So, there's an aspect of compulsion about this?

You want to stop but you can't?

If it is something that makes you happy, and is part of you, then I would of course advise you to work on accepting yourself so that you feel comfortable with your preferences.

That's something the people on this forum will tell you all the time. As long as your happy within in yourself, then why change things? If this issue does make you unhappy, well then we'd support you in stopping doing it.
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Postby Confused_Soul » Wed Apr 02, 2003 8:29 pm

Hi

Thanx for your advice. Yeh i am attempting to accept that it is a part of me and i think eventually i will. But being at a young age, i think i dont fully understand why it is happening, is it biological, is it because i have few friends. At times it is a little confusing.

You are right, it is the implications which scare me. My parents depend on me and i am mainly worried about them. I mean they want a son not another daughter. Moreover, Asians are particularly narrow minded when it comes to this.

I am heterosexual because i fancy girls not guys. But then again sometimes i think im gay because of what everyone has drummed into me about cross dressing, and how it is a gay trait. Aside from cross dressing, i am really a lad who chills with my frends. However i do it because it provides a release into my own world, which actually scares me, that i have to dress up as a woman to escape the pressures of life.

Many times i contemplasted goin to a gay niteclub, to check it , see wot it is like. Would i feel more comfortable? i am not sure. But being heterosexual, i am not sure if that is a good idea.
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Postby Confused_Soul » Wed Apr 02, 2003 8:43 pm

I am not really sure if i enjoy it. I mean when i do it i feel very aroused i.e. appllying make up, wearing leather, pvc and so on. I must admit, i do get turned on from what i see staring back at me in the mirror but immediately after doing it, I feel disgusted with my self.

Something like this has great implications for the present and the future. I mean , it sometimes affects my study coz i cant focus on my work without thinking about it. Will i be able to get married and have kids, will i find a partner who can accept me for who i am?

i had an old counsellor who attempted to help, but unfortunately, the centre closed down. She always told me to control me thoughts, but i dont fully know how to do that.
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Postby Enigma » Wed Apr 02, 2003 10:10 pm

No matter what type of community you live in there will be people that object to your way of life. Your life is your own and not theirs, your lifestyle is your business, and anyone that looks down on it is interfering with something that they have no right to.

In much the same way, when people decide your sexuality for you they are again interfering in what really are your personal affairs. How can dressing up like a female be considered "gay"? This is simply because members of the homosexual community openly cross-dress.

Whose to say what percentage of straight guys like to get out the high heels and slap on some lipstick every now and then? The truth that resides behind closed doors can really amaze.

Many heterosexual people go to gay venues on a regular basis. You do not have to go to a gay nightclub on the basis that you are gay. People go because they are curious, or just because they enjoy the environment. Whatever the reason for going, you don't owe it to anyone to do anything as a result.

You are not indebted to the expectations of your family and the people in your community. Do what you want to do, because that's the only way you can become happy.
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Postby Confused_Soul » Thu Apr 03, 2003 3:21 pm

Thanx for the advice. I always thought then as i would enter my later adololescence that it would just naturally fade away. But i think it might be an issue which affects the rest of my life which might affect me if i want to get married, have kids etc.

Aside from all the involvement of others, i would say i do enjoy it when it occurs. The pattern is that i usually dont think about for a couple of weeks and then it is all i can think about. However after doing it, i do feel happy for a period of time.

I take a little bit of comfort in knowing that i am not alone. I mean if my best friends had the same issue, i would probably be a lot more comfortable as i would be able to share my problems with them and not feel inhibited.

When i sometimes think about it, at times it doesnt look so bad. I mean sometimes i compare to my other habits e.g. alcohol which is a lot more damaging.I dont hurt myself when i cross dress but i think i am afraid that i will be depressed, lonely or even contemplate suicide. I am scared it will dominate my life and scar myself mentally and emotionally.

i think i am frightened of losing those close to me.
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Postby Gem » Mon May 12, 2003 11:39 pm

It sounds as though you are experiencing these feelings and maybe you don't know how to deal with them because of not being exposed to different environments.

Those who are close to you will accept you how you are, maybe not straight away but in time they will come around to the idea. Is the only reason you want to stop because you don't know how others will react? If so, that shouldn't be a reason for you to stop, as you say, you're not hurting yourself or anyone else.

You seem to be a very sensitive person, have you ever thought that this is your way of expressing your feelings? Don't change how you are for anyone, if you stopped, would you truly be happy?

Find a way to focus your mind on things you have to do at work or other places and then have another time where you can dress up but only if you feel like it. Remember, you control your thoughts and emotions, they don't control you,take care,
Who decided what order to put the alphabet in?
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