am i gay?

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am i gay?

Postby N i k k i » Thu Nov 16, 2006 12:58 am

Since starting college, i have got closer to some friends ive known ages who are gay. There's one girl in particular who i can't stop thinking about. She makes me smile, laugh and feel good about myself. She is confident, sexy and amazing but i'm not sure my feelings are genuine or whether i just have really strong frienship feelings if that makes sense.
How can I find out?
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Postby Moose » Thu Nov 16, 2006 1:13 am

Has it ever crossed your mind before that you might be gay? Ever fancied any other girls? It could be that this is your gay awakening, or it could be that hanging around with some gay girls has made you think about a lifestyle you haven't really considered before. Do you still fancy guys?

Finding out you're gay or bisexual works in loads of different ways. Sometimes you know from when you're really young, and other times it takes longer to become obvious. If you ARE gay, really, you don't have to "decide" now. It could be that this girl's confidence has kind of infected you, and maybe you would like to be as confident as her. You don't necessarily fancy her - only you know that, and maybe even you don't, yet.

Whatever happens, try not to put pressure on yourself to be anything just yet. There are loads of people on here who know what you're going through (inc. me) so keep posting.
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Postby N i k k i » Thu Nov 16, 2006 1:35 am

yer i have been thinking about it for many years now but i have never felt this strong about anyone before. I am still attracted to guys so im more likely to be bi than gay.
It doesn't help when they all flirt with me which they naturally do but i suppose i enjoy it and do flirt back sometimes.
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Postby N i k k i » Sat Nov 18, 2006 2:00 am

More advice would be helpful. Thanks x
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Postby Bexical » Sat Nov 18, 2006 12:27 pm

Maybe this girl is just your role model, and you look up to her. YOu can have strong friendship links with someone with out being gay.
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Postby Moose » Sat Nov 18, 2006 1:00 pm

There really is no way you can find out if you are gay, other than just giving it time, seeing how your feelings go on, and seeing how you feel if you ever get to the point where you're kissing another girl or even in a relationship with another girl. That isn't to say that you have to go and quickly find a girl to snog before you can find out if you're gay though!

It's always nice and flattering to have someone flirt with you, whether you fancy them or not (unless it's a complete numpty, in which case it can be quite annoying), and it sounds to me like this girl, who you like anyway because she's your friend, has kick started the feelings in you that you say you've had for a while. And as you've said, it sounds more likely that you're bi than fully gay.

Don't force anything - just see what happens. Is this girl the sort of person you can confide in? If so, maybe you could talk to her about your feelings. Only do that if you really feel you can trust her though.
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Postby all_apologies » Sat Nov 18, 2006 2:06 pm

I agree. Don't force yourself to make any kind of decision, just try to follow your feelings and see where they lead you. Lots of people say they've "always known" that they were gay, but I personally didn't fully realise and accept my sexuality until I was 17. In fact, I would always have classed myself as straight, even though I did think about girls a lot. If, like me, you're a little later in realising, it can take a lot of getting to grips with.

Think about the feelings you have for your friend. Do you feel like you fancy her or just admire her as a person? See how your feelings develop, and if you still feel the same further down the line, you could well find that you're bi/gay.

Ultimately, all I'd say is that you shouldn't try to rush it. It took me a lot of time and thought to accept who I am, despite the fact that when I look back now, it seems ot have been obvious from quite a young age.
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