My boyfriend, my female friend help!

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My boyfriend, my female friend help!

Postby xkazzax » Mon Dec 11, 2006 9:17 pm

Im in a pretty messed up situation at the minute. I have been with my boyfirend for over 3 years now, I'm 21. he is older. I love him to bits but recently I have been trying to avoid spending time alone with him.
I fancy a female friend of mine, who is gay. I love spending time with her and really want to be with her. But things are complicated. She thinks I am straight and I will be living with her at uni next year. If I tell her how I feel things will be awkward between us. I don't want to lose her as a friend.

Also I feel I can't dump my boyfriend especially not this close to christmas. It would break his heart. Any ideas on what I should do?
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Postby Moose » Tue Dec 12, 2006 3:46 pm

Apart from the fancying your friend bit, do you want to dump your boyfriend? If you do, forget Christmas. I know it's horrible to be dumped at Christmas, but it's horrible to be dumped at any time of the year, and what's worse is pretending everything is fine while you swap presents and eat turkey together, only to find out afterwards that it was just an act. And if you wait until after Christmas, really you ought to wait until after New Year too because it's horrible to be dumped over New Year. Then if you wait until New year, you ought to really wait until at least a couple of weeks in because otherwise it's a really bad start to the year for him.... there's never a nice time to dump someone.

The important thing here is that you get to sort your head out, and if that means you need time alone then that's what you should have. As for your friend, do you definitely fancy her? Or has she made you question yourself (not intentionally) because she's gay? Is it something you've ever thought about before? How do you think she would react if you told her you were confused about your sexuality (without telling her it's her you're confused over!)? She might be able to give you some good advice, as she will probably have been confused at some point herself.

Take it a step at a time though - you don't have to decide anything about yourself yet. The first thing to sort is your boyfriend, because it's not fair on either of you to carry on if it's not what you want. If he hasn't already, he will soon start to ask questions about why you don't want to be alone with him.
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Postby xkazzax » Tue Dec 12, 2006 9:19 pm

Thanks for your reply.

I have seriously thought about talkng to my boyfriend about how I feel, but I dont have it in me to hurt him. I would rather live a lie and him be happy, but on the other hand I want him to be with someone who can love him back and give him sex. AT the minute I can only love him.

As for my female friend, I am friends with a lot of gay women and have been ever since I started uni. I have known her for well over a year and it has only been in the last month that I have found myself attracted to her. Its not because she is gay there is just something special about her. Although we dont speak everyday and I often go for a week without speaking to here, she opens up to me. She seems to be able to trust me and listen to my adivce more than other peoples. I am concerned that if she found out I fancy her this would stop. The fact that I am going to be living with her makes things more difficult. I cant lose her as a friend.

My boyfriend takes the mick, saying I fancy her because she slept in my bed one night and I ware her clothes but the problem is he does not realise that I actually do fancy her. When I pretend I picked up her top by mistake, I actually do it on purpose. I love him to bits, but I dont want sex with him.
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Postby Pwif » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:09 am

xkazzax wrote:I finally did it.
I told my boyfriend that I am gay and cant be with him anymore. he took it really well.
I told the girl I fancy that I am gay. To my delight she told me that she wants me too. We've been together for only a week now, but I couldnt be happier. I really feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

The big question is, when do I tell my parents? This is the first time i have gone out with a girl, and its only been a week.
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Postby Pwif » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:10 am

forever_in_love wrote:First off...CONGRATULATIONS. You've taken some really big steps in life recently. As for telling your parents, it is a personal decision but to me, I guess there are 2 ways of looking at it:

1) You have been very brave in striving for what u want. Just now you seem to have a lot of courage and I suppose it might be good to get everything over with at once so as not to have it hanging over your head.

2) You are pretty happy just now (or so it seems) and you may not wanna rock the boat. Not that telling your parents will rock the boat but still. You may wish to be in a more serious realtionship where your gf can support u before u tell them. U may feel your relationship is ready for this already but if not, it might do u good to wait.

I guess it depends how u feel ur parents will take it. It is most likely they will be fine i am guessing, but u will know best. Parents love should be unconditional and hopefully coming out will not be stressful for any of u. Best of luck, sweetie.xxx
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Postby Moose » Wed Feb 21, 2007 9:52 pm

It's great news that your boyfriend took the news well, and even better news that your friend likes you back! I bet you're over the moon.

As for your parents - what's your relationship like with them? Are you close? Unless you can say otherwise, there's no reason for you to rush in and tell them straight away. It all depends on how you feel about it really. How do you think they'll take it? You might want to settle into a relationship with this girl first and get your head round it yourself before trying to help other people get their heads around it!

Unelss you've got a really supportive family, coming out to them is stressful, so you need to be in the right frame of mind yourself so that you do it in the best way.
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Re: My boyfriend, my female friend help!

Postby smallville » Thu Jan 08, 2009 1:32 pm

good for you, I am pleased it is working out.
all the best for the pair of you.
I dont see why there is a need for you to rush in and tell your parents anything at this stage.
See how you 2 get on and if something more develops and it becomes serious then if your close to your parents you can tell them when you feel ready.
Dont feel any pressure to do anything at this stage just enjoy the start of your relationship.
GOOD LUCK :D
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Re: My boyfriend, my female friend help!

Postby snail » Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:22 pm

This thread is over 2 years old, Smallville, so it will be sorted by now. You can check the date at the top of the first post to see when a thread was started.
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