Mind-bogglingly-confused!

For any problems related to sexuality, coming out & gay relationships.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Mind-bogglingly-confused!

Postby Eleventh_Hour » Fri Apr 20, 2007 12:43 pm

Okay, I’m new but I’m so confused right now I figured I’d post my ‘issue’ here as you guys might help me find a bit of clarity.

Basically this is my story…

I’m a girl (gay) and about 6 months ago, I messaged another girl (straight) on a forum/message board thing and we exchanged a few messages before swapping e-mail addresses. Our chatting on msn, and eventually I left my number with her. Not thinking she’d text or call but she did. From then we started texting regularly (without speaking on the phone), just getting to know each other. As time went by, I realised I started developing feelings for her. And because I’d never fully stated my sexuality, I figured I should. After I told her, she began getting all weird and saying some of the things I said made her feel a bit uncomfortable and awkward. Despite the fact I don’t think I said much, but maybe some of my statements were a tad flirty. To cut a long story slightly shorter, we carried on texting etc and speaking on the phone – making some kind of contact at least every day. And I half backed off, but I knew that she knew I liked her. We decided that it was probably time we met, and I went down to see her a couple of months ago. I was so nervous I felt I was going to pass out (..literally). Even though we’d seen pictures of each other and I found her very attractive, I was hoping when I eventually saw her she wouldn’t be my type, we wouldn’t get along – and my feelings would disappear (wishful thinking I know). But as she walked towards me I couldn’t take my eyes off her – she was stunning. We spent a few hours together, went for a drink and then to the cinema – although it was a bit awkward, I felt that we both wanted to be there. I joked around with her, playing with her bracelet….taking it on and off her wrist and she let me. Seizing the moment and not knowing if/when I’d see her again – I told her how I felt. She didn’t say much. Just giggled and seemed really shy. So I changed the subject. But while we were sat together she was texting a guy who she kept making a point of telling me was just her friend.

The week after we met was really hard. It felt like she’d just totally backed off. She sent me a long text message saying maybe its best we don’t talk and she doesn’t want to hurt me because she really cares for me.

Anyway we got past all that. And eventually we started texting and calling again. She started opening up to me and told me she was still really hurt by her ex-boyfriend who cheated on her and has now married someone else. I’ve told her a few times that ‘I can’t stop thinking about her’ and how I find her really ‘addictive’. We text and talk practically all day on most days - sometimes until 2 in the morning. I asked her once ‘if circumstances were different and if she was gay or I was a guy would she have given us a go?’ and she just giggled and said ‘maybe’. It feels like we’re a couple half of the time, but a few days ago I text her and asked her if she’d felt anything for me at any point and she replied ‘Lol, no I haven’t done.’

I’m just mad confused. Does she feel something for me? Is she just scared because she’s supposed to be straight and this is something totally new to her? Or is she just using me because she likes the attention?
She’s supposed to be meeting her ex-boyfriend today and I haven’t heard anything from her all day.

I just don’t know how to take her. Help.
Eleventh_Hour
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:15 am

Postby hanwap » Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:00 pm

I'm really sorry to be the one to say this but it sounds like your friend is straight. This must be an awful situation for you and I think your friend is being a little bit insensitive to your feelings. However she probably isn't taking them that seriously as she doesn't totally understand them: as a straight person you can't 'understand' what gay people see in their own sex just as you probably don't 'understand' why straight people go after the opposite!! You have been a good friend to her and this is why she isn't backing off completely as she genuinely likes you - as a friend! She is probably dismissing your advances and words and hoping they may fizzle out and that you can just get on with being great friends. One of my best friends is gay (we're both girls) and I'm sure at some point at the beginning she had feelings for me but I made it clear to her (subtley!) that I was totally straight. Now we are just really great mates, she has a great girlfriend and we all hang out together. You need to either get her out of your head and accept that she is straight and just be friends with her, or leave her alone. You really need to meet other gay people who you have a real chance with. Try meeting some gay people on-line or if you're old enough, get out on the gay scene. Unrequited love sucks! It is the same for guys and girls and the worst thing is that when you are friends the other person will never just back off completely or tell you straight (no pun intended!) as they don't want to lose you as a friend. Therefore you as the person who is in love hangs onto that, thinking well if they didn't even slightly feel the same they'd tell me to get lost. So the cycle goes round and round and eventually one or both of you will get hurt. I think you need to be the one to back off, cool things down, get chatting to other gay people on-line, even if you don't fall for anyone else for a while they may be able to appreciate what you're going through. After time and meeting other people you may be able to see your friend as just that, a friend, and salvage a good friendship. Good luck xxx
hanwap
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 62
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2005 2:47 pm
Location: Notts

Postby Moose » Fri Apr 20, 2007 6:36 pm

Great advice from Hanwap. Your friend certainly sounds like she's loving the attention. I know I'm just repeating Hanwap, but I just want to back her up: straight girls often flirt with gay girls, especially when they think/know the gay girl fancies them...just because they can. They like the attention (as everyone does) but know that it's not going to go any further, as it might do with a guy.

On the other hand, this girl might be a bit bi - maybe a bit curious - and might be testing things out with you.

Either way, I do feel she's taking advantage of you a bit. It would be good for you to meet other gay girls - tell her you're doing it too. See if she's bothered.

Try this gay forum for chat with gay girls, if you haven't already. It can be a bit cliquey, but it's the best one I've been able to find!
User avatar
Moose
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2003
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2004 8:41 pm
Location: A forest
Gender: Female


Return to Sexuality

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests