In love... with a woman... 17 years older than me

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In love... with a woman... 17 years older than me

Postby *~ Lacey ~* » Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:32 pm

Hey everyone :D

I'm glad i've found somewhere to get this off my chest!

I did once think that this was just a crush or a 'phase' but having these feelings for over two years now i know it's something more... a lot more.

To sum it up, i'm a 19 year old girl and i've fell in love with a 36 year old woman. It actually sounds quite simple but it's more complicated than that (unlucky for me). She's the Assist. Manager where i work and as become one of my closest friends.

When i first met her at work i was scared of her, she seemed really strict, to be honest, i used to dread going in if she was going to be working. However, we had to work together alone one night and we really got to know each other, she's a softy really. From then we've become so close, i feel like i've known her my whole life.

We always have a laugh when we go out, we just enjoy each others company. I shouldn't feel the way i do she's a woman for God's sake... i've always been into men but i havent ever felt this strongly about any man before. I miss her when i'm not with her and i count down the days till i see her again.

I often sleep her house, either once in the week or at weekends and we have the best time, we always end up sharing a bed and going to sleep with our arms around each other it's so nice. I've had a few signs that she might feel the same but what can i do? I can't tell her how i feel, it might freak her out and ruin our friendship and that's something i don't want... i know that maybe she'd be understanding but i couldn't bare it if she told me she didnt feel the same so maybe it's best thinking that there's a chance. On the other hand, i can't go on like this!

All my life i deamed of getting married, getting a good job and having children but i'd throw all that away just so that i could be with her :(

Please help mee

Geeez that was a rant n half *breathes* sorry for woffling on :)
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Re: In love... with a woman... 17 years older than me

Postby retrochav » Sun Jul 01, 2007 5:52 pm

Being bi curious or even a lesbian, doesnt mean that you cant have children, be happily married or anything else you aspire to have. Lesbians no longer wear sensible shoes and live as "sisters" in a house full of cats - unless they choose too!

However its a bit early days for all that sort of thinking. My advice is keep things as they are, at least for now. Why should you have to risk making a first move? It could even be the case of hero worship on your part, you can have crushes at anytime in life with anyone.

Your boss may fear making a first move also, she could be in huge bother if she read the signs wrong! Keep the friendship going, you may need to change jobs before you can risk telling all, at least that way a no means no employment problems.

It may help to call the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard to find a helpline for women who are exploring their sexuality. You will find other women who have/are facing this dilema and can discuss ways forward. Until then, enjoy the warmth of this close friendship.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby mariamaria » Sun Jul 01, 2007 5:55 pm

Hiya

It sounds like you really really like this woman. Being interested in women doesn't mean that you can't do all the things that straight women do if you choose to pursue a relationship with this woman. I think that you should follow your heart and just tell her how you feel. You guys are pretty close. I'm sure that she would understand and I'm sure it wouldn't ruin the friendship you guys have if she doesn't feel the same way.

Good luck and keep us posted
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Re: In love... with a woman... 17 years older than me

Postby *~ Lacey ~* » Mon Jul 02, 2007 12:06 pm

retrochav wrote:Being bi curious or even a lesbian, doesnt mean that you cant have children, be happily married or anything else you aspire to have. Lesbians no longer wear sensible shoes and live as "sisters" in a house full of cats - unless they choose too!


Lol, thanks!

I kno you're your right retrchav but i know my feelings are gonna grow stronger and stronger and what you said about the job, i didnt even think about that partly because i enjoy my job. I came close to living in at uni but one thing held me back... sure you know.

Thanks mariamaria :) i'll keep you posted on whateva i do
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Re: In love... with a woman... 17 years older than me

Postby all_apologies » Mon Jul 02, 2007 2:37 pm

*~ Lacey ~* wrote: I can't tell her how i feel, it might freak her out and ruin our friendship and that's something i don't want... i know that maybe she'd be understanding but i couldn't bare it if she told me she didnt feel the same so maybe it's best thinking that there's a chance. On the other hand, i can't go on like this!
[/color]


This is the story of my life, you're not alone! I think your closeness, and also the fact that she's a bit older, stands you on good ground for her being accepting whether she feels the same way or not. Try not to focus too much on (or freak out about) whether you're gay/straight/experimenting or whatever. Let that come to you in time. I've had feelings for girls since I was about 12 and only fully accepted I was gay at 17/18.

Have you ever had any conversations with her about sexuality in general? This is the only subtle way I've been able to gauge how people might respond, and indeed tell if they are gay/straight/bisexual etc.
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Postby *~ Lacey ~* » Mon Jul 02, 2007 2:50 pm

No, i've never spoke to her about it, we joke around about being lesbians and i know she's snogged a few girls in her past but that's about it.

How would i bring up a conversation about it? sounds like a plan to me
:)
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Postby all_apologies » Mon Jul 02, 2007 6:44 pm

Ooh there are lots of ways... have you watched any TV shows or seen any films with gay themes or storylines? The L Word, Queer As Folk, Sugar Rush, and South of Nowhere are all gay shows I've watched (the first two I'd highly recommend if you haven't seen them). Even some of the British soaps have a few gay storylines you could bring up in general and pay close attention to what she says. I've been on nights out with work friends and seen people speculate on other colleagues' sexual preferences (with them clearly oblivious to mine!), and this can also be quite revealing by watching how people react to the notion of someone else being gay. Have you got any gay mutual friends?

Another way to possibly go about it would be to ask her how she feels about getting married or where she sees herself in the future. I pay attention to gender-specific pronouns. Would she talk about "Mr Right" or "the right person"? I know it seems small and insignificant, but I've done this with so many different people and it's the little things that can be most revealing!

Then again there's always the more blunt option of "could you ever see yourself with another woman?" It really depends on how comfortable you feel, and both of your personalities.
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Postby *~ Lacey ~* » Mon Jul 02, 2007 11:19 pm

Thankyou so much, you've been a big help :D

I have seen some of the shows you mentioned and i know it sounds daft but i never talked to her about them incase she figured out what i was trying to do... i'm being paranoid aint i.

You've give me some great advice, you all have and i'm gonna give it a go and stop being so scared
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Postby all_apologies » Tue Jul 03, 2007 3:47 pm

It's natural to feel paranoid - I was only able to suggest that stuff above to you through feeling paranoid myself! Good luck and let us know how it goes if you do find the courage to bring it up.
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Postby *~ Lacey ~* » Tue Jul 03, 2007 11:43 pm

you know what i'm going through :)

i will let you kno
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Postby Moose » Wed Jul 04, 2007 8:24 pm

Hi there,
All_apologies is right. It's a good idea to bring up "gay" topics, or mention gay women - maybe famous or people both of you know - to see if she reacts at all.

I've posted this little story on this site loads of times, so if other PPers have read it before, look away now :P , but this is just how my gf and I got together. We worked together, and one day she started talking to me about someone who used to work at our place (who I never actually knew) who had "gone" gay. We had a bit of a chat about it, then she said that she had wondered about me in that respect. From there, things just snowballed, and, four years on, we now live together! Of course, that's the very simplified version, but really, that was how it started.

It's difficult enough to gauge if someone's interested in you, but it can be harder still if you don't even know if they like girls or boys or both. Unless you know for sure, the only way you're going to find out is by asking.

It sounds like she likes you! I suppose it's possible she falls asleep with her arms around her other friends....but do you really think so?
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Postby *~ Lacey ~* » Wed Jul 04, 2007 8:54 pm

Aww nice story Moose :D

i pretty much doubt that she falls asleep with her arms around anybody else lol, everyone views her as "tough" you kno what i mean... she won't take no rubbish from anyone, i don't know why but there's only me who knows her 'soft side'. I don't think she wants people to see the softer side to her so she wouldn't cuddle up to her other friends but i see it and because she knows i see it i think thats why she does it, because she feels compfortable.

If that makes sense :o
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Postby MFer_93 » Thu Jul 05, 2007 6:54 pm

Bring it up into conversation. I know i'm young but i did it and found out about my friend, it really works.

And keep us informed on what happens. :)
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Postby *~ Lacey ~* » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:26 pm

Thanx MFer_93 :D

I'll keep you informed
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