I have a huge crush on..

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I have a huge crush on..

Postby fairy of darkness » Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:08 pm

A gay/bisexual guy!

AH

he likes men a lot more than women.... however.. about a month or 2 ago, i slept with him. For me at the time, i didn't see it as anymore than a bit of fun, but now, cause we are close mates, i seem to have fallen for him :S

I CANNOT tell him because quite frankly i couldn't handle the embarrassment, but i dunno how to get over it??


ARGH i always do this to myself, always want the untouchable.

Any advice?

F.O.D

xxx
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Postby pink stripes » Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:17 pm

Hi f.o.d

Could you try and distant yourself from him for a bit - you know like let you're feelings for him die down a little - then you can control them?

If not why not go out and meet new people - as they say 'plenty more fish in the sea'. Have some fun and meet people :)

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Postby fairy of darkness » Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:19 pm

I try and see other people, but i find it hard cause i compare them to him.

And i can't distance myself either cause hes in my circle of friends so i have to see him, and we are really close so i dont want to not be close cause we get along so well.

I suppose ill get over it, but i just want to like someone whos actually attainable for once!!

I think i like what i can't have.. i don't know, just really gets me down.
Thank you :)
x
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Postby all_apologies » Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:24 pm

Why isn't he attainable? Has he told you that outright? Surely if he identifies as bisexual, not to mention the fact that he slept with you, relationships with girls are a possibility for him? Or does he identify as gay and think the thing with you was just a one off?
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Postby pink stripes » Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:26 pm

Hey,

Its understandable that it gets you down, so... :grouphug: :)

I guess it's time you need - things will get easier

Promise :)

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Postby fairy of darkness » Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:31 pm

No he hasnt said it outright, but i mean, you know when you just know.

And i wouldnt dare say it to him! and it might ruin the friendship. Part of me wants to say something but i know id regret saying it. Maybe he did see it as a one off? i dont know IM SO CONFUSED!

ARGH

Yeah time is what i need

and a non-gay man!

IM SO SILLY

F.O.D
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Postby retrochav » Sat Nov 17, 2007 11:28 am

Any guy who is slightly out of reach can be desirable. You assume him to be more gay in orientation so probably felt really at ease to talk openly. Having built up a loving friendship, going a stage further is bound to provoke feelings.

Why not discuss his feeling towards both sexes and see how he feels. I would advise that a bisexual person can cause insecurity in a partner. Even when they are fully commited, its an underlying concern that half the population cannot be competed with!

I have a lot of interest from women for some strange reason (maybe because i dont mind carrying shopping!LOL) and even though its flattering, and occassionally i consider it, i think a pure friendship has more to offer than most sexual relationships in these situations.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby fairy of darkness » Sat Nov 17, 2007 11:42 am

Well

i know your right.

And i am a believer of the phrase " Some things are better left unsaid"

So I'll keep my head down, try not too be so close with him, and slowly but surely hopefully I'll get over it :) and move on to the next unattainable man

thankyou so much for all your help

x :P
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Postby lidopig » Sat Nov 17, 2007 12:00 pm

Hi FOD,
It's probably a load of rubbsih, but have you considered you might be subconsciously attracted to him BECAUSE of his sexuality,i.e ultimate safety for you? You do say you seem to end up with unattainable men!!
Nigel


edited by all_apologies: no swearing please
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Postby fairy of darkness » Sun Nov 18, 2007 6:03 pm

Very possible

However

Everytime me and him have like a moment or we just have like a random kiss or something which happens sometimes, i get SO happy about it

and then just get let down

i dont mean i think im in love but ive certainly never felt like this before

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Postby all_apologies » Sun Nov 18, 2007 11:11 pm

Just wanted to say not to think of yourself as silly. You can't help who you like. I constantly fall for people of the wrong sexuality, so I totally relate!
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Postby fairy of darkness » Mon Nov 19, 2007 8:57 am

How do you deal with it?

x
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Postby all_apologies » Mon Nov 19, 2007 4:30 pm

Well, from my own experience, you can only start to deal with it once you know for sure that he isn't interested. If you're not 100% sure he's only into men, you'll always have a little bit of hope and keep thinking that maybe there's a chance.

I was into one girl for a looong time, probably a good couple of years. She was a serious flirt (and actually, still is), so I was constantly thinking she might be into girls too. Only once she was in a serious relationship with her now boyfriend of 3 years did I come to get over her. It takes time, but it's possible once you can rule the possibility out. I'm still really good friends with her but am not even attracted to her anymore, probably because I was able to tell myself "it'll never happen" and move on.

On the other hand, I can think of a few other people I'm still not entirely sure about their preferences, and they're much harder to stop thinking about!
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Postby fairy of darkness » Mon Nov 19, 2007 8:03 pm

I think in my heart

i kid myself that maybe there is a little bit of a chance, but my head is telling me im wrong

i dunno which to listen too, and i dont want to be embarrassed cause it would just be awful!

ARGH. he always says stuff like "can i have a kiss?" and is very touchy feely but i dunno if its just friendship for him.

i HATE situations like this

heeeelp

x
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Postby Bel Bel » Tue Nov 20, 2007 10:43 am

I think you have to have a light hearted conversation about "who do you see yourself finally settling with a man or a woman" and similar questions like that

If it is definately leaning towards men then you must ask yourself why you would want to be second best as a woman, this might help you start turning your thinking around

Or is part of this that you want to see if you can make him straight, I know a few people who have beleived they can do that because they beleive in their own sexuality but it normally backfires and leaves them lacking in confidence because of the rejection
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