Why can't I keep my hands off him?

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Why can't I keep my hands off him?

Postby Scott Summers » Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:55 am

I don't quite know how to put this but, I have a VERY and I mean VERY tolerant and very close straight friend. I do have a crush on him but I have never told him that. I've told him I love him, but as mates ( I hated myself for days afterwards ).

But I just can't seem to keep my hands off him. Whenever it's just me and him my hands start to wander and then inevitably try to end up in his Jeans.

Now up to yet all he's done is slap my hand away, but I'm afraid that one day he's going to lose his temper and fall out with me. That'd crush me. I know it's all to do with self control and I do actually manage to control myself sometimes, it's just sometimes it just happens.

Why can't i keep my hands off him?
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Postby Bel Bel » Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:26 pm

If you were doing this to a girl you would clearly realise it was harrasment and it is with your mate, just becasue he is a mate doesn't make it any less an awful thing to do. Would you do it to a stranger on a bus?
:o You must realise he doesn't want this he has given you clear signals.
Try to think about the consequences if he gets fed up, you will lose him as a friend.
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:21 pm

What you're doing now is a little out of order as your mate is sending clear signals that he definitely does not want a relationship with you, sorry to say. Yes, it will take quite a lot of self-control. As Bel Bel said, think of the consequences here. I'm sure you would NOT want to lose him as a friend. Try mixing around with other people and try not to end up in the same room with your friend - it will probably help you to control yourself more if you're not alone together.
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Postby Scott Summers » Fri Apr 04, 2008 4:33 am

Thanks for the replies guys.

I went with my mate to the cinemas again today and I was really tempted to reach over and try to put my hand down his trackies but I shook myself and concentrated on the film and although I wanted to reach over a couple more times I didn't.

Afterwards when we went home I tried my hardest not to touch him and apart from patting his thigh a couple of times I managed to keep my hands off him.

I did notice that he was more smiley than usual so if he's happy then I'm happy.

I want to thank you guys for opening up my eyes. I've known I need to stop for ages but actually having people tell me that I need to stop was probably the kick up the backside that I needed, so for that I thank you guys.
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Postby snail » Fri Apr 04, 2008 10:56 am

I would have thought a cinema would have been a difficult place to control yourself in, as it's really dark and private, so well done for not doing anything. Perhaps avoid these kind of places in future? Meet him somewhere really public where genital touching would be a definite no-no?

I have to say, if you were my friend and you did this to me, you wouldn't get another chance - I wouldn't see you again. I would just find it so distressing and unpleasant.

Would it perhaps help you to stop if you got yourself a boyfriend? I know you're really keen on this guy, but seeing as nothing can happen between you, why not start dating a few people? Doesn't have to be anything too serious. Find yourself someone who is longing for your hand to end up in his jeans, for a change! :D
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Postby Scott Summers » Sat Apr 05, 2008 2:52 am

I actually had a talk to him while we were waiting for a pizza at his house. I asked him did he mind it when I tried to put my hands down his trousers, he said that he knew I had a crush on him ( which shocked me ) so he only put up with it sometimes so I could get it out of my system somewhat.

And when I told him that I was going to try and not do that anymore, he breathed a big sigh of relief but actually asked ME was I sure that I wanted to stop ( in my head I was saying well DUH Course I don't lol ) because if I wanted to I could still do it from time to time ( Like I said in my first post he is VERY tolerant ) And I just simply replied yeah I'm sure cos I don't want to put any strain on our friendship.

If anything this has started to close one door but open another because if anything I love him more than ever now!!
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Sat Apr 05, 2008 4:25 am

I don't think he should actually allow you to put his hands down his pants because it'll only encourage you, really. He does sound like a really good friend to put up with this for you...Snail's right - you can't have a relationship with this guy since he obviously doesn't feel the same way as you do. I think it would be best for you to get out there and meet more friends.
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Postby snail » Sat Apr 05, 2008 6:36 am

Happy's right, it's all or nothing - it can't do any good to be touching someone who isn't your boyfriend and never will be. I would have thought ANY touching, ever, would just make you long for more.

I know he's a close friend, but I really think you should put some distance between the two of you. It sounds like your crush is getting serious. Try and see him less often, and get out there and find someone else who likes you back.
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Postby No Guts, No Glory » Sat Apr 05, 2008 7:04 am

I mean, WHY do you go touching others. You know, I never thought a girl would do soemthing like that, frankly. Bel is right, this is sexual harrassment even though it is a girl doing to a guy. i am sure there are many girls having crushes and NOT touching them if any way.
I'm sorry if this is too harsh but this is totally wrong. yes, he might be tolerant because you are a good friend and he doesn't want to lose you, but there is a line to everything. he might simply get angry and fed up you will end up losing him. And if his girlfriend finds out, she will be your mortal enemy and you will not only lose him, but ruin his realtionship with his girlfriend too. You don't go around asking why you can't keep your hands off him. You TRY not to. Learn to control your emotions and what you do. This is what life is. You control yoursel and that is what the world sees you as. No one wants to be someone..cheap. It is important to be dignified so guys will respect you as a woman.
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Postby snail » Sat Apr 05, 2008 7:13 am

No Guts, I think that Scott is actually a gay man, with a straight male friend. (At least that's what I assumed, given the fact that the username is Scott, and the the friend is mentioned as being "straight" - otherwise no one would say that.)

Either way though, your point about it being sexual harassment is still valid. It does mean the other person's girlfriend wouldn't be so bothered though!
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Postby No Guts, No Glory » Sat Apr 05, 2008 7:30 am

Oh what I blurcase i am
But then again if he is a gay, there are still some problems. I know this couple..the husband's a normal guy( is that what one would call it) Well, anyway, one ofhis students, gay man, likes him. So basically this student fell for his lecturer. And somehow or other this straight guy spends a lot of time with this gay student too
Then inevitably the wife sent some ppl to follow him around and she got really angry cause he seems to spend a lot of time with this student...and remember he is straight. The wife got really really angry and a huge arguement broke out. i know bout this because they have been life long friends with my parents so the wife told my mum.
What i am saying is the gf or the wife would still mind and scott, you should still try to control yourself
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Sat Apr 05, 2008 8:22 am

NGNG has made a good point. If your friend has a girlfriend, it would make things really awkward. I assume he doesn't have a girlfriend yet. However, he'd probably get a girlfriend so best to keep your hands to yourself and go out there and meet new people.
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Postby Scott Summers » Sun Apr 06, 2008 3:45 pm

wow guys thanks for the replies and advice. I am really trying hard not to touch him at all, as in apart from a handshake when I say hi. It's really hard but i'm trying because I don't want to wreck this friendship.

I asked my mate if he thought I was harassing him and he said that he would have told me long before it got that uncomfortable, so I think I've dodged a bullet there.

he doesn't have a girlfriend yet but I know he's got his eye on someone.

Also I think he misses the attention I used (and still want ) to pay him cos when i go round to his and sit in the 2 seater whereas i used to sit with him on the three seater, he looks at me oddly and moves over to where I'm sitting, either that or he's trying to tease me. but I've only faultered once or twice and I've kept it above the waist.

I think I should be quite proud of myself!
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Postby snail » Sun Apr 06, 2008 4:35 pm

You do sound like you're trying really hard. Hope it works out for you. :P
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Postby moving2spain » Sun Apr 06, 2008 9:01 pm

i find it quite odd that you want to put your hands down ure mates pants. no matter how much i fancied or loved someone there is no way i would have the urge to do that in a normal day to day situation especially if they didnt want me to. maybe i would want to but would never dream of doing it even to my fiance unless he wanted it too. you have to know that the other person wants it. i think you may have a problem with self control and short of your friend becomming gay then i dont think this problem is going to go away easily!
i think ure friend is teasing you too. he definatly shouldnt be encouraging you that if you dont want to give up touching him then its ok.
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