Secret Crush on my friend for the past 5 years is worsening!

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Secret Crush on my friend for the past 5 years is worsening!

Postby ag290190 » Thu Apr 10, 2008 6:03 pm

Hi all,

I'm new to the site. Just a breif introduction, I'm Adam, I'm 18 and I am a gay male with a full time job which i enjoy (in radio and broadcasting!!)

Anyway for the past 5 years of my life ive had a terrible crush problem.

Since the age of 13 I developed strong feelings for a friend of mine at high school, which have, unfortunately, grown stronger since and its almost at the point where it is unbearable to keep it from him.

Ive dropped the subtle hints now and again, and he has said, in our closer times that he has experimented with guys (only as far as kissing and petting) but thats about as much as i could extract out of him.

I don't know if i should tell him or not.

I value him as a friend and we get on really well.

My concerns are that firstly he may not be Bisexual or Gay, or if on the odd chance he actually is, that he doesn't feel the same way, or also if i was to tell him, how he would take it, or accept it.

I don't want to make things awkward between me and him, and i've tried to "Get over" him in the past but its just impossible. I can't seem to control these feelings of attraction.

Its not purely based on looks but it's his character too.

I just dont know if i should tell him or not.
But ive had to keep it from him for the past 5 years and its extremely difficult and i struggle. I can't bottle my emotions in and this is one thing i've had to keep locked away.

Every relationship i've had (with the exception of 1) I've all been hurt in. Wether it be cheating or otherwise, all i've been hurt or damaged in.
The best relationship i have had ended abruptly as he was killed in a road accident 3 years ago, and i've not found anyone caring enough since.

I just feel he could fill that void.

I have a terrible feeling of guilt, knowing i shouldnt feel this way about a friend, but also because i've not told him. And also a terrible feeling of awkwardness.

I feel now that its getting difficult to deal with. I can't stop thinking about him. Its made worse by the fact that i've been diagnosed and have suffered from Acute Bipolar Disorder for the past 3 to 4 years with no signs of impovement - and to those of you who understand the condition will realise the toll it takes. Especially coupled with this constant torment of my friend.

I just need to know what i should do, to ultimately make me happy and comfortable with myself, and to make sure i don't lose any more friends.
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Postby miaow » Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:49 pm


wasnt sure what acute bipolar disorder was so have google it - is it form of depression? I have suffered from depression in the past and went to the lowest point, with help from family and my doctor prescribing medication managed to get back to a normal happy life. I now have the odd 'down' period but i know it will pass. I am no longer on medication - it helped me at the time but i feel able to live without it now. Out of interest how do you cope with your depression? medication? counselling? etc? Just wondered - its a terrible thing!!!! :)

About your friend - yes is difficult, think i would have a chat with him - nothing heavy - just to find out if he is bi or straight or gay. If he is bi or gay then after 5 years i think its more than just a passing phase and i would myself tell him - explain he has to be honest and you will not be offended if his answer isnt what you want to hear. If the answer is he just wants to be friends say thats fine, make sure he knows your friendship isnt going to suffer, etc. I would then leave it at that and stay friends. Would you be able to carry on as friends with him knowing it could be nothing more??

On other hand he may want to be more than friends...... :)

This is just my personal opinion mind!! You need to do what you think is right. Let me know how you get on.

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Postby ag290190 » Sat Apr 12, 2008 4:21 pm

bipolar is what they now call what was "manic depression" where it fluctuates without any real reason or warning.

I used to be on Lithium, even though i am quite young they prescribed me this however I got so fed up as my friends was noticing it was changing me so i stopped taking it and now i just live with it, and most people know and the people at work know when i have these trips so they just leave me for it to come round.

As for the friend issue, well i think first of all a fact finding mission is in order to find out. Then i suppose if he is comfortably straight then i'l just have to knock it on the head.

Thanks for your help x
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Postby bellajennie » Sat Apr 12, 2008 4:33 pm

Perhaps this five year crush is based on a feeling of not knowing. Especially if he has shown some gay tendancies. Maybe telling him, and finding out if there is a real chance, or otherwise, will put your feelings into perspective. Then you could either make a go of it with him, or simply acknowledge that it can never happen. If you heart thinks there's a chance it will never try to get over someone. Experience is sadly my basis there!!
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