My sexuality is...

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My sexuality is...

Postby DoodlePlex » Thu May 01, 2008 7:50 am

I have no clue. :(

I feel as though I'm not attracted to anyone or anything. Is this a normal thing or does it really mean I'm assexual? I'm 19, coming up to be 20, and have never found anything to be sexual in the whole of my teenage years when my friends were all dating and saying so-and-so is "cute" or "fit". I didn't see it much of a problem when I was around 14-15 as I knew by 16 I'd start thinking about it more on a serious basis but it hasn't happened, something tells me it might not.

At first I thought I might be gay and attracted to girls but no such luck there, either. Everyone says "I just haven't found my type" but trust me, I've tried to be attracted to every gender, age, personality wise and even unreachable figures like pornography and celebrities. Nothing. :(

I have been in relationships but have never been in love, if that makes sense. Most of the time these relationships were to try and see if I could trigger off any feelings that might be lurking. Horrid I know, but I was so desperate at the time that I was turning every direction I could think.

I know that I'm ony 19 and people will tell me I've got lots of time left to start worrying about this but I can't believe I've never felt the tinest piece of attraction or lust at all. I mean, that's what hormones are meant to do.

I guess I just feel a little lousy and at a dead end. I should be happy with myself and think about the future but I feel lost and don't know exactly what I'm meant to be looking for. :(
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Postby miaow » Thu May 01, 2008 10:43 am

hi

i have heard of this - cant recall what its called. Dont take this as gospel but i think its something to do with hormones. I'd go see your doctor, if it is a hormonal thing maybe they could give you some medicine to counteract it so you'd have feelings.

Do you have feelings for your family, friends? Or is it just sexual feelings your talking about?

i know when i was on the pill it kind of squashed my sexual appetite and once i came off i got my libido back!

The body is a strange (yet wonderful) thing!!

xx
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Postby all_apologies » Thu May 01, 2008 11:03 am

How long have you been thinking to yourself that you're not attracted to anyone? Do you think that maybe you're stressing out and pressurising yourself so much to find someone that it's having a negative effect?

This is a little different but I'll share anyway. When I was in my early teens, I had no reason not to think I was straight. I knew which boys I thought were cute, had boyfriends, all was fine. I increasingly found that I would develop crushes on girls - much stronger than on any boy. I'd push those feelings aside as I just thought I was a bit weird. I kept dispelling the notion of me being gay for a long time because I figured that it was only the occasional girl I was attracted to, it wasn't as if I fancied girls everywhere I turned.

In my mid teens, I knew something wasn't right but actively told myself I wasn't gay. Again, throughout this time, there'd probably be just one girl at a time I had a crush on, and I'd try not to view said girl in a sexual light.

I think I was 17 when I finally decided enough was enough - I was gay and wasn't going to try to fool myself any longer. I then found, pretty rapidly, that I would fancy girls here, there and everywhere, just like my straight friends would fancy loads of different boys (at school, teacheres, celebrities etc). I think that by not actively trying to supress (or in your case, create) feelings, it finally happened naturally.

A bit long-winded, but the moral of the story is that if you stress about, or put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way, you might be hindering your actual feelings from coming through. It's not unusual not to have loved anyone by 19, but I do think it's a little bit unusual to have never been attracted to anyone. Yet, if you're over-thinking and over-anticipating it, maybe you're missing out on it developing naturally?
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu May 01, 2008 12:43 pm

I would definately go to the doctor it's very likely you have some kind of hormonal imbalance and it could be affecting other aspects of your health without you even realising it
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Postby DoodlePlex » Thu May 01, 2008 5:04 pm

Thanks for the replies, everyone. It doesn't involve my family at all, I am speaking about sexually. I love my family very much and that's never going to change :)

all_apologies, I think I've been doing the exact same thing all my life. I've been considering it more over your answers and I'm wondering if I may in fact be gay too. However, this constant pushing and forcing myself to have boyfriends may have dimished something to do with my hormones and now I don't feel sexually attracted to anything. I will go in and speak to a doctor about it tomorrow as I've made a quick appointment for the morning.

If there's nothing he or I can do to change this feeling maybe I'll have to accept the fact that I might be assexual after all.
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Postby all_apologies » Thu May 01, 2008 11:30 pm

I very much doubt that forcing yourself to have boyfriends has had an effect on your hormones, so don't fret too much! Loads of gay guys and girls (myself included) have maintained or sought out straight relationships in an attempt to keep up straight appearances. If you do have some sort of hormonal imbalance, it would affect your libido rather than your sexuality itself.

In your first post you said you had thought about the possibility of being gay but weren't attracted to girls, but in your second post you seem a bit more open to the idea. What made you change your mind; do you think it's fear that you might be gay that has been making you try to ignore your attractions? Upon thinking about it a bit more, do you think you've ever felt anything for a girl but tried to ignore it?

Also, how has life been generally throughout your teens? Any long-term stress and/or depression? These can definitely have an effect on your libido.
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Postby all_apologies » Tue May 06, 2008 11:16 am

Hey, DoodlePlex, what did your doctor say?
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Postby retrochav » Sat May 10, 2008 9:12 pm

I personally would say that you shouldnt put yourself under so much pressure. Some people have a higher sex drive, or a higher emotional need than others.

Love and sexual feelings mean different things to different people. Can anyone really define or measure these things?

Feeling good in someones company, and feeling that someone meets most of the things you need emotionally would be my idea of love, yours may be very different, as i expect other PPers would be.

Sexual feelings again are experianced differently by people. I could suggest masterbating and see if any imigary turns you on. Are there smells, colours, or visions that work for you? This could help define what turns you on.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby DoodlePlex » Wed May 14, 2008 1:56 am

Hi again guys. :)

well, my doctor was very helpful and somehow made my problem seem no big deal at all, I was so relieved when I left. She assured me that a lot of people struggle with their emotions like this and it's nothing physical at all.

I've been advised against forcing myself into relationships and so on to prove a point and just to wait it out until it feels right. If I'm patient she said that those feelings will come naturally and at a healthier pace and when it happens I'll definitely know.

I feel more confident now, and thanks everyone for the help. I really am looking forward now to feeling proper love for the first time outside of family. From what I've heard from some members on here and also my friends, it's amazing. I hope it happens to me someday but I'll take the advice and wait for it, I'm hoping it'll be something special. :)
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