Unrequited love

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Unrequited love

Postby Batch » Sun Aug 03, 2008 10:47 pm


I'm a bi female. Some of my friends know but my family don't.
I'm crazy about one of my friends, I've loved her for ages. She is bisexual but she doesn't know how I feel about her. I'm know if I told her she would say she only likes me as a friend. We were chatting one day and she said that she would never get into a relationship with a close friend because if the relationship went wrong it could ruin the friendship.

She's a really good looking woman and gets alot of attention from men and women.
It hurts so much when I see her kissing someone or when she tells me she fancies someone else or she has slept with someone. I pretend that I'm not bothered but inside my heart is breaking.
I've tried so many times to get interested in other people but she is on my mind all the time.
We were in a club last night and she was kissing a girl. I felt like my heart was being ripped out.
I was drunk and felt so jealous and hurt. I started crying, she wanted to know what was wrong so I told her I was upset about something else.

I think she knows I fancy her but she doesn't know just how much I love her. She's kissed me a few times and says she likes my boobs and my bum. I wonder if she does it to keep me interested even though she doesn't really want me.

I've tried staying away from her, I thought if I didn't know who she was with or what she was doing then it couldn't hurt me but it's difficult to avoid her, we have the same group of friends and I'm good friends with her mum too so I'm always hearing about what she's been up to.

I don't know what to do. I know I'm wasting my time hoping for a relationship that's never going to happen but I can't seem to move on and it's making me miserable.

Any advice?
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Postby miaow » Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:52 pm

hmmm, if it is making you that miserable, and your aware that you could lose your friendship if you tell her your feelings then i think you know what to expect.

You have to sum up which is worse for you, being miserable and never knowing what she really feels, or telling her and possibly losing her.

Tough decision, but seems it has to be made i'm afraid - good luck x

Ps i think i would tell her i couldnt put up being miserable and not knowing
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Re: Unrequited love

Postby retrochav » Tue Aug 05, 2008 9:51 pm

Miaow's do or die post is a valid option, and as neccessity is the mother of invention, you would certainly have to move on if it went wrong.

My advice would be to prepare for such a situation. You really need to enlarge your social circle. Is there a bi/lesbian social group in your area? (the Gay Switchboard or internet should tell you where) Getting out with other friends would give you more options and a life line if things with your mate dont work out.

I think your friend knows how you feel. and could be taking advantage of it. It can be a great thrill to suspect that someone fancies you - but it is also a great responsibility.

I would suggest that you seek out ways of meeting more people, and once achieved, bite the bullet and tell your friend how you feel.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby Batch » Tue Aug 05, 2008 11:58 pm


Thanks for your replies.

I've thought about telling her how I feel but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want a relationship with me so I've never seen the point of telling her.

The trouble is I get mixed signals from her. Sometimes she is really flirtatious with me and the next minute she is telling me she fancies whoever.

Even if there was a slim chance she would want a relationship with me, I don't even know if I could trust her. I'd always be wondering if she was thinking about someone else.
We get on great as friends, I just wish I didn't have these feelings for her.

We have the same group of close friends but I do have other friends that she is only acquainted with so I think I should start going out with them more and seeing less of her. Hopefully my feelings will start to fade [-o<

Anyway, thanks for your advice :)
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Decision time.

Postby cernunus » Sat Oct 25, 2008 7:02 am

My heart goes out to you. I have been in similar situations when I was younger.
The truth is that no matter how much you love her, that pain will eventually go away -should you choose not to tell her how you feel. But and here is the -but, you will have to stop seeing her at least until you meet someone else. Why ? The pain is too great and you are crucifying yourself by constantly reminding yourself of what you cannot have.
The alternative is to go for broke and tell her how you feel. You are faced with two scenarios.
1. She embraces you and your dream comes true.
2. She rejects your advances. If this happens I think you still can be friends if she truly cares about you. However you will still have to stop seeing her until you have met someone new. The pain would be too great for you.
It’s a real catch 22. Best of luck!
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Re: Unrequited love

Postby Aligator » Mon Dec 08, 2008 5:49 pm

been there...i didn't say anything and i'm over it but if she likes u and u like her then u could be missing out here so its ur choice but i would not tell her.
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