My mum and my image

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My mum and my image

Postby lemoncrush » Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:06 pm

I didn't really know what category to post this in so sorry if it's wrong.

Well first here's a little bit of background. I'm a 20 year old girl living 2 hours away from my mum. Me and my girlfriend are moving to where my mum lives and staying with her and her fiance for a couple of months while we get settled.

When I first came out, my mum didn't really believe me. I moved away to live with my girlfriend and at first when we went to visit them my mum would introduce my girlfriend as my "friend". I think she was ashamed or didn't want to offend people, but no one else seemed to have a problem with it. We have been together nearly 2 years now.
I used to have long curly hair and have always hated it, and I cut it short when I first met my girlfriend and think it suits me a lot better.

My mum hates that my hair is short and doesn't keep her thoughts to herself either. It really upset me at first but now I don't care.
Now...here is my problem!...

I am having my hair bleached blonde tomorrow cause it's just something I've always wanted to try. If I don't like it then it's my own fault and it will grow out soon anyway or I could dye over it, whatever.
I told my mum and she said it's going to look awful basically and I'm going to look like a "plonker".

Although I don't really care whether she likes it or not, I just wish it didn't make me feel so rubbish when she says stuff like that. I'm still having it done, but I'm extra nervous now. I guess it's not a major problem, I'd just like to hear what you people have to say about it.
Sorry it's so long!!
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Postby miaow » Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:28 pm

Its your hair and its on your head so do it!!!

I had never coloured my hair (Apart from washin ones); it was long straight and brown. Last year i just fancied change and didnt tell anyone - i just went to hairdressers and got it done blonde. It lasted 6 wks before i decided i didnt like it (!) and i couldnt be bothered re-doing the roots all the time, so i got it dyed back brown.

Might of been a waste of money but i now no longer have the 'what if' thought of how it would look blonde, i tried it, didnt like it, and am now back to what i like!!

Your not hurting anyone - just ignore your mother and get on with it. If you were getting a tattoo on your forehead i could understand but its just hair that will grow back and can be re-coloured!!
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Postby lemoncrush » Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:34 pm

Yeah exactly! I'm just curious to see what it will look like...could be a disaster but either way it's only temporary anyway cause I can't be bothered to keep getting it re-done lol
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Postby Bel Bel » Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:00 pm

Just tell your mum you don't always like what she wears etc but it's each individuals right to dress, have hair cut etc exactly as they want - freedom of expression and all that
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Postby Moose » Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:59 pm

Oh God, this is all too familiar!

My mum doesn't like me being gay either, and she hates my short hair - even though it's not SHORT, and, like you said, it suits me better than long hair (which I can't control anyway!). My mother also hates my clothes! And my job! And my shoes and my bags and, and, all that kind of thing.

Advice? Not really - just to let you know you're not alone! I have tried 3 approaches so far:

1. Ignoring her comments
2. Asking her why she feels the need to tell me what she is thinking and how she would feel if I made comments about her image
3. Reminding her that she is 30 years my senior so I wouldn't want to have an image she would have herself!

The only one that works for my relationship with my mother is the first one. It makes me feel mad, but at least we get to keep the peace for the short time we spend together.

I bet your hair looks great, so try not to take her comments to heart.
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Re: My mum and my image

Postby retrochav » Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:47 pm

You have lived on your own for some time, and of course it has given you a sense of independence. Moving back with your mum will inevitably cause a few teething problems. She has got used to being an "empty nester"!

Additionally, if she feels awkward about your sexuality, she may use any old excuse to have a few digs.

What to do? Well my advice would be to do the things you want to do. Advise her that whilst you respect it is her home, and will be discreet with your girlfriend to a point - your body belongs to you and if you want to experiment with style you will. See if you can dig out some old photos of your mum. There are bound to be hairstyles and fashions she would never wear now - draw the conclusion that she has experimented too over the years.

It may be advisable not to stay at her home too long. Its possible she will come to terms, but it wont happen over a couple of years - it will gradually improve if you calmly stick to your guns.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby lemoncrush » Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:20 am

Thanks guys.
I'll try #2 & #3 of your attempts moose, never know, it might work for me! But failing that, stick to #1. :)
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