Just found out my ex is a cross dresser admirer!!!

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Just found out my ex is a cross dresser admirer!!!

Postby tinker1978 » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:17 pm

Me and my boyfriend of 2 years split up 5 weeks ago as he said he still loved me but didn't think we'd work out in the long term. (I'm 30 he's 35). So not really knowing any reason we split up but we still live together as I need to find somewhere else. We get on as friends but I still love him n he still tries it on with me, gets into bed with me (i'm in another room) but last week he was out and I needed to borrow his lap top as my battery was dead and when I opened it he'd left a Cross dressing / TV website open - he'd been in a chat room that morning, basically asking people to meet up with him. He also has a profile on this website that he started a couple of months ago - saying he is a Cross Dresser Admirer n that he wants to meet up with Cross Dressers.So i take it he doesn't dress himself just likes the people that do. He's also been on his webcam with a few of them and one he was "with" last week not sure actually or on webcam. How do I deal with this? Do i tell him I know? Does this mean he was doing this when we were together
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Postby morris mouse » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:46 pm

tinker1978 wrote: So i take it he doesn't dress himself just likes the people that do.


Firstly,really sorry to hear about the break-up.

To answer your question,I do believe that your boyfriend is a cross dresser admirer,although I can understand why you don't like him
doing this kind of activity :(

Just to feel safe and secure in your own mind I would (VERY
gently) ask him about this......

........It's the ONLY way for sure that you're going to find out.
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Postby tinker1978 » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:55 pm

Thanks - I don't understand what he does though? Is it a sexual thing? he said on the chat page that he likes receiving BJ from them- now I don't know if this is bravado or he has done this!!! I'm just confused as I think he now must have been doing this whilst we were together!

I think if I do bring it up he'll deny all knowledge, say it was for a laugh or accuse me of nosing round his computer when I didn't really have much choice but to do it![/quote]
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Postby Bel Bel » Wed Aug 27, 2008 3:19 pm

I think it's more likely he wanted to do it and realised it wasn't fair on you so decided he needed to split up with you
He may well have been visiting sites before but that doesn't mean he has yet had any direct contact with anyone
You can ask him but he may well deny it or say it's none of your business now. Of course he could try to explain it to you but that doesn't mean you necessarily will ever be able to fully understand it
I think he wanted to spare your feelings which is why he just said he couldn't see it working long term. He didn't lie but wasn't totally truthful about why he knew it was unlikely to work.
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Postby tinker1978 » Wed Aug 27, 2008 3:25 pm

I see that as I know he does still have feelings for me, but does that mean I shouldn't mention it and spend however long thinking about it?? What exactly is a Cross Dresser Admirer???
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Postby Bel Bel » Wed Aug 27, 2008 3:31 pm

well i would look it up on the internet
it's up to you if you need/want to confront him but it doesn't mean you'll get answers or the answers you are looking for. You may end up more frustrated but only you know if you can forget it and move past it if you don't confront him
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Postby tinker1978 » Wed Aug 27, 2008 3:44 pm

I know what your saying and suppose the past as in us together is finished now and I could end up losing him as a friend and he is the most fantastic person and friend I could ever have!! But what happens if we eventually get back together? I'd have to mention it then!!! He is a genuine person and I think your right he is prob just trying to spare my feelings!!
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Postby morris mouse » Wed Aug 27, 2008 3:50 pm

Well,if you ask him &your friendship with him is strong [and I believe after 2 yearsit could very well be] then this would allow you to "pave the way" if you ever did get back together :D
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Postby tinker1978 » Wed Aug 27, 2008 4:03 pm

But what if I do ask and we do fall out?I don't want to lose him as a friend. He doesn't hold grudges at all and think we'll always be friends but I also don't want to hurt him! If I do say something I'm going to wait until I've moved out so if it does get awkward we both have space and things don't get wierd!!
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Postby morris mouse » Wed Aug 27, 2008 4:11 pm

tinker1978 wrote: He doesn't hold grudges at all and think we'll always be friends


Well,as you say,he doesn't hold grudges at all,so I'm sure it will be ok. :)

You DO need to ask,even for your own peace of mind &
he may want to talk to you about it all,and be relieved that you took
the time [and considered his feelings]
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Postby tinker1978 » Wed Aug 27, 2008 4:20 pm

I think I prob will I just don't want to fall out about it!!! Its something I don't understand. Does it mean he's gay though? I've read it doesn't if he's the cross dresser but doesn't say about the Cross Dressers Admirers and what they get out of it?
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Postby retrochav » Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:00 pm

Sexuality is very broad, and the slang term "chick with a d***" implies that it would be predomanatly hetrosexual men (straight) who find it a turn on. Gay men rarely find women sexually attractive, and someone dressed as a woman is unlikely to get most gay guys arosed. Turning it around, how many straight women would fancy a girl just because she dresses as a guy?

I have been to transexual bars with a transexual mate of mine. It was like going to a straight bar. The guys who enjoyed and admired transvestites and transexuals were either bisexual or hetrosexual as they werent remotely interested in guys in mascline clothing.

Personally i would say nothing unless you plan to get back together or maintain a sexual relationship. You could introduce the subject by saying you had read about it in a magazine, and then see where it goes.

The beuamont society may be able to give you advice and assistance.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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