Is it a good idea...

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Is it a good idea...

Postby ChelsD » Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:34 pm

Is it a good idea to get into a relationship with a 32 year old woman when I'm 16?

I kinda guessed not but I really really like her and she really likes me too.

Could it work?
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Postby all_apologies » Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:54 pm

I don't think any of us can definitively say whether it'd work seeing as we don't know either of you. However, what I will say is that a 32-year-old and 16-year-old are at very different stages in their lives and you might question why this older woman is interested in you in a romantic way. Is she just looking for a little fun while you're hoping for a more serious relationship, or vice versa? Do you think each of you could handle having such different lifestyles at the moment? How do the two of you know each other, and how much have you spoken to each other about your mutual attraction and the prospect of starting a relationship?

It's really difficult to advise based on such a short post. Could you give us a little more detail on your situation?
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Postby ChelsD » Mon Sep 01, 2008 4:30 pm

This is going to sound bad but she used to be a teacher at our school. She never actually taught me though. I help out in the school library and she's an English teacher so we ended up doing this book hing. We spent ages organising it together. She left at the end of the term and we exchanged email addresses. At this point I had no feelings for her whatsoever other than the fact that she was a teacher who I got on with and when I asked her whether she felt anything for me at the time she just laughed said 'you were 14 and I taught at the school you went to, , of course I didn't.' When she left the exchanging of email addresses was just a polite thing really and we both thought that we'd send a couple of emails and never hear from each other again. Anyway that was a couple of years ago. The first year after she left we just sent about once a monthly emails to each other. The normal thing how are you etc. About a year ago we started to email more frequently. I think after about 4 of 5 months of this we would have considered each other as friends, nothing more. Well we met up about 2 months ago and just went for a coffee . Part of me thought it might be quite weird but I went along out of curiousity. We've been meeting up over the last couple of months and a week ago we discussed the fact that while we've been meeting up we've also been falling for each other.

I know this sounds almost like she was grooming me but it honestly wasn't like that. It was completely innocent. And yes being in a relationship with someone that's older than you and used to teach in your school might seem a little strange but like I said it was perfectly innocent, she was never actually my teacher, we worked together on the project thing but it may as well have been an out of school thing cos we worked on it as peers not as teacher and pupil.

And before anyone says anything I am well aware that although she said it was only in the last couple of months that she feel for me I can't be sure that that's true. But then can we ever be sure in relationships about the other persons intention.

I think at the moment at least it would only be a bit of fun and nothing serious. At the end of the day we've both discussed it and said that if either of us begins to feel uncomfotable with what's going on then we can stop it at any time and walk away. Would I be happy if she ended it? Of course not but I wouldn't be broken hearted either.

I think it's worth a go, and I think it could work. :D
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Postby retrochav » Mon Sep 01, 2008 9:29 pm

Normally i would be in full agreement with you, age difference doesnt mean its impossible, merely that you may both be comming from different perspectives, which can be a positive.

My concern is your sense of doubt. You seem almost to be asking permission or at least affirmation that its alright.

My advice would be to ask yourself what your doubts are and post them on here. For the time being, enjoy dating and see how you feel.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby damrub » Thu Sep 04, 2008 4:13 pm

for a 16 y old you seem very together and have asked and answered most of the pertinant questions yourself. its not ilegal and as you said as long as you both feel comfortable with it then whats the harm?

have fun both of you.
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Postby ChelsD » Tue Sep 09, 2008 6:11 pm

Thank you.

I wasn't so much asking permission... I guess I just wanted to know how everyone else felt about it. I mean we're not serious or anything so I don't intend to tell anyone yet but in the future (if we do have one) then I will have to. I just wanted to know how you'd react as some kind of indicator as how other people would react.

But thank you for your comments.
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Postby all_apologies » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:37 pm

I think you should prepare yourself for questioning looks from those around you if you do decide to have a relationship with this woman. Regardless of whether you're past the age of consent and that she didn't teach you, you're still very young and she still taught at your school.

I think if you'd come on here posting that you were embarking on a relationship with a 32-year-old male ex teacher, you would have had a much bigger response. If I'm 100% honest, I think it'd be wrong of her to start seeing you (regardless of how innocent it may be), mainly because you're still of school age and she interacted with you at school not that long ago while you were still technically a child.

As I said above, I'm inclined to think of the ages of 16 and 32 being worlds apart, and a lot of onlookers will consider it as an adult with a position of responsibility dating someone not long out of childhood. Have you spoken to her about the potential effects of the two of you dating? Does she realise the implications it may have for her career? Would she socialise with you and your friends who she may have taught in the past? I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but it's easy to be blinded by attraction and forget about the hurdles you might come up against.

Personally, I'd say steer clear. I honestly think it was pretty irresponsible of your ex-teacher to even take things so far as to discuss a potential relationship with you at this age.
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