dying to see if he likes me

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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby all_apologies » Thu May 21, 2009 9:58 pm

Don't lie about it if something like that comes up in conversation again. If he is testing you, that's not what he wants to hear! If he does like you but thinks you fancy X actress, he might not try to take things further with you. If he's not testing you and it was a genuine question, he probably wouldn't notice you brushing it off if you wanted to drop some subtle hints.

I do this with people I think may be testing me. I act a little coy, and use non-specific gender terms (e.g. something like "I tend to fancy people with blue eyes" rather than "...guys with blue eyes"). That way if the person genuinely is wondering about my sexuality, they probably get the hint. If they're not testing me, they probably don't pay any mind.

Did you ask him the same question back about girls he fancies? How did he respond?
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby heartfullalove » Thu May 21, 2009 10:38 pm

hi,
yeah he agreed with a couple of the ones I mentioned...he also said he liked my best girl pal which has me a bit worried cos I know she thinks he's really hot, but she has about twenty boyfriends to pick from at any moment and she knows I'm totally lusting for him. But I still think the 'what girls are u into' question might have been a smokescreen, he looks so deep in my eyes and talks kinda more gay around me than he does when he's with other people. Hard to explain but I'm pretty convinced I'm getting signals from him, he was way more at ease with the swimming thing than I expected. My parents are going away this weekend and I'm very very tempted to invite him to stay.
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri May 22, 2009 10:44 am

heartfullalove wrote:But I still think the 'what girls are u into' question might have been a smokescreen,


I think it was, it was a definate way of asking without specifically saying it outright.

heartfullalove wrote:My parents are going away this weekend and I'm very very tempted to invite him to stay.


Why not? Nothing to loose, after all he is a friend.
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby retrochav » Tue May 26, 2009 1:54 pm

Hello Mate,

As a gay man of many years standing i know that the most in tune gaydar can prove wrong. My advice very strongly would be to go to gay bars with your mate. This guy might even be there - in which case 50% of the problem is solved!

When you are comfortable with your sexuality, tell him you are gay...and nothing else. Let him make his feelings known to you. He might still be comming to terms with his own sexuality, or he might be one of a growing number of straight guys who have no issues hanging out with their gay mates.

Either way, this is too important to rush and regret mate
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue May 26, 2009 2:00 pm

retrochav wrote:As a gay man of many years standing i know that the most in tune gaydar can prove wrong. My advice very strongly would be to go to gay bars with your mate. This guy might even be there - in which case 50% of the problem is solved!


That is a good plan, however I'm straight and used to go to gay bars quite a lot when I was younger, my friend was gay so one week I'd choose the bars and the next she would. Plus I found our gay nightclub had a better atmosphere and was never packed in like sardines. So it may not be the fail safe option it appears to be.

retrochav wrote:When you are comfortable with your sexuality, tell him you are gay...and nothing else. Let him make his feelings known to you. He might still be comming to terms with his own sexuality, or he might be one of a growing number of straight guys who have no issues hanging out with their gay mates.


I think that is probably the safest option actually. If he is straight and is truly a friend then he won't care; if he is gay then he might say something since you've effectively broken the 'sexuallity ice'.
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby heartfullalove » Tue May 26, 2009 3:50 pm

hi,
quite a lot has happened since my last post. I'll try and explain.
I had him stay over on Friday night, shared a bottle of wine, and had the hardest time keeping my hands off him. But when the moment seemed right, I went to kiss him, and he totally passionately went for it! It felt beautiful, and I'd never felt so excited in my life. :D
Anyway, fast-forward ten minutes or so, and I had him in bed. Don't want to be too explicit, but to cut to the chase, I gave him oral pleasure and he took my virginity. :lol: It was sore but because it was him and I love him, it felt right, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'm still getting shivers and tingles thinking about it.
So after all the intimacy, I assumed he'd sleep with me, but he got up and got dressed and went home, in the middle of the night, and seemed a bit upset. I called the next day and asked how he was feeling, he said he was a bit freaked by it all and 'you know I'm straight'. I'm thinking, well you didn't seem too straight when we were in bed together, but I didn't want to fight or argue with him.
He came round again Sunday afternoon and I wanted more, and we kissed a lot, but he sort of wouldn't let me unzip him, he only wanted kisses and me kissing his chest. And being sober in the middle of the day, he didn't seem as natural or comfortable as he had been after a bottle of wine. He left after half an hour and didn't answer my calls yesterday.
I feel a little heartsick, I'm still on a high from the other night when all my dreams came true, but I want us to go forward and I've a horrible feeling he has some problem with the whole thing. Still dying for him though.
Thank you all so much for your advise, you've all been so sweet.
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby Skarlet » Tue May 26, 2009 4:13 pm

Well his reaction doesn't sound too good at the moment. Hopefully he just needs to think, but it doesn't sound like it is going to be the relationship you hoped for. It sounds like it went a bit fast, and he isn't comfortable with what happened, but hopefully that will settle down.

On another note, I hope you were safe and used a condom.
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby retrochav » Tue May 26, 2009 11:23 pm

hello mate,

well it seems dreams can come true! However we also often have to face the waking moment where the dream ends!

It seems that this guy is feeling totally muddled about what has happened. On the one hand he is attracted to you, on the other it could be that he feels that he has opened a can of worms.

As he probably has the same amount of negative stuff going on as you and i once had (which thankfully we have shook off) he will need time to get his head together. Make this easy for him by being the strong one here. This means not talking about the sex and love per se, but saying that it was a good experiance, and an experiance only you two need know about. Obviously chat to us about your feelings till your hearts content, but give him the space and confidence to feel good too. If you simply say "look we are guys enjoying each others company" it will make it easier for him to come to terms with.

Pushing him now will push him away. Take it slowly and you will have everything you want.

P/S as for the hurting - buy some lubricant and condoms - you know what i mean - private message me for further advice there mate
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed May 27, 2009 9:35 am

Just don't push him, he may be unsure of whats happened or scared of what his family and other friends will think. Just let him come to you; it's clear how you feel about him. You could always apologise and say that if he'd prefer you'd be more than happy to hang out as friends again (for a while).
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby lidopig » Wed May 27, 2009 3:38 pm

I'd stay well clear of him for a while.Don't ignore him,obviously,if he approaches you first,but just don't go seeking him out.You will only be putting more pressure on him,which isn't going to help.I've a sneaking suspicion he's going to be back for more =P~ !! Make sure, however, that you don't become his "dirty little secret" because it will only end in tears for both of you.
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby heartfullalove » Mon Jun 01, 2009 3:10 pm

Hiya,
He's now going out with a girl, which has me heartbroken. He's only answered my calls half the time and he's been really distant, which is crazy - shouldn't you become closer to someone after you have sex with them?
I've really tried hard not to be too full-on or put any pressure on him, I haven't asked him any hard questions and I've been really nice to him, and I can forgive him being with a girl, and I know we're all free individuals and he doesn't owe me anything, but I still think he could have treated me better than this - am I wrong?
At a party at the weekend, and him and Jenny, this really gorgeous model who all the guys are mad about, were at it in one of the rooms - all of a sudden they're a couple now, and I can't stand the jealousy when I see them all over one another. She happens to be good mates with my best girl pal, and I'm wondering if I should tell her what happened when he stayed at my place. I could do with her sympathy and advice cos she's been so brilliant, and I think at some level his girlfriend deserves to know the truth, but my worry is that if I tell her, she'll tell Jenny, who would probably confront him, and he'd be really angry with me for not keeping it a secret. I wouldn't be too bothered any more about people finding out I'm gay - it's probably the worst kept secret in the world - but I know it'd destroy him. It's just so unfair that straights never have to feel ashamed of what they do, but we do. I know for a FACT he's bisexual but keeping it secret and is probably just sleeping with her to prove to himself that he's not gay.
Sorry for going on, but I'm really upset. Thanks again to all of you for being so sweet.
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Jun 01, 2009 3:12 pm

heartfullalove wrote:He's now going out with a girl


I think it's to 'prove' to himself that he is straight (true or not but he'll be trying to convince himself that being gay is wrong, so going out with a hot girl will be convincing him he is straight).
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby Skarlet » Mon Jun 01, 2009 3:49 pm

I am sorry that you are hurting. Unfortunately sex doesn't always bring people closer and that is why waiting to really get to know someone before you have sex with them is the best way to avoid being hurt.

I don't think telling your friend and hoping the girl will find out will help, he might just say you are lying and make you out to be a malicious gossip.
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jun 01, 2009 3:53 pm

i agree with alicat it might make you feel good for a few minutes but it won't get you what you want (which is him)
try to move on and maybe one day he will be able to be honest but don't hang aroud waiting it could be a long process
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Re: dying to see if he likes me

Postby heartfullalove » Tue Jun 09, 2009 1:49 pm

hiya,
I ended up telling my best mate what happened...tried to keep it quiet, but she kept saying what's wrong, you seem really upset, I know there's something bothering you...so I told her all about it. She said at first that she wanted to tell her friend Jenny (who's now going out with the guy in question) and I had to beg her to promise to keep quiet about it. She said she will if I insist, but thinks that his girlfriend has a right to know, and that he shouldn't get away with treating me like that. Am I right to want it kept quiet, or should I let the truth be told?
Since he's now totally taken with his new girl, I suppose I've given up on him now...Nadine says I should just go out with her some night to a gay bar and find a man, and not to ever expect anything romantic from gay encounters, that (her words) 'it's all about c**k' and I shouldn't ever let myself fall for men emotionally cause they'll only let me down and I'll end up getting hurt. It seems a shame, is that really the way it works in the real world?
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