Dunno Wether I Can Trust Her !!

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Dunno Wether I Can Trust Her !!

Postby Pink_Polly » Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:32 pm

Hi i am new to this so you will have to bear with me ... :D

I have been with my g/f now on and off for approx 2 years, this time we got tgether we have been tgether for 9 mnths.
I do love her with all my heart but can not trust her .. she also knows that i cant trust her and has little trust in me.
There are several reasons which are the causes that i cant trust her, the most one being -
She is in the army and used to share a room with a lass named Heather, i did meet Heather on one occasion and took an instant dislike to how close they are which other (they used to tell each other the loved one another [-X ) i was then reading the texts on my g/f's phone (something she doesn't like me doing) and found a message from Heather saying - I LIKE YOU TO!!!and other texts. Reading the message my g/f had sent went somewhere along the lines of her having a dream about having a treesome with Heather and another Boy (Lee- never mentioned the man before..??.) I did the whole think of screaming and shouting and asking what it was all about and she sed that it was a joke between her and a friend, she know never tells me who she is texting and is very secretive with her phone. I dont mind her texting Heather as long as it FRIENDLY! nothing else.
Do you think i am being paranoid?? Or would you have no trust in the person to??
She says that she would never cheat on me and would never hurt me .. this is something i just dont believe.
I do wana make this work and am trying so hard to trust her .. just makes me feel like she has cheated in a way.
Any help ..?? x
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Re: Dunno Wether I Can Trust Her !!

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:40 pm

So she texted "her friend" saying she'd had a dream about having a threesome...it was only a dream and maybe she told her close friend because she might think it's hilarious or something. Maybe Lee was someone in the army who always thought he was gods-gift-to-women or something and secretly they couldn't stand him, hence why he's never been mentioned. There are so many possibilities.

The I like you too, text could have been an in-joke or something, or it could have been relevant to what was being said at the time. I have told my male friends "I love them" - I don't love them in a bf/gf way; I do love them in a friend way - they know this, I know this...I've even said it to some of my close female friends and I mean it in the same way.

Pink_Polly wrote:I do love her with all my heart but can not trust her .. she also knows that i cant trust her and has little trust in me.


It seems pretty doomed to be honest, neither of you trust each other. Why can't you trust her? There has to be more to it than a couple of texts?
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Re: Dunno Wether I Can Trust Her !!

Postby Pink_Polly » Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:51 pm

Well there is more to it ...
When i first got with her, she was actually seeing another girl in the army, when i found out about this i immediately finished this, Other friends told me she was madly in love with this girl and that they got on 'like a house on fire.' I want to see her happy and left her to get on with her relationship.
She them came back in my life (a couple of months later) and told me she didn't love the other girl and it is me she has loved all along.
The girl she used to be with contacted me quite a few times, saying that they had met up and blah blah and she was cheating on me with other girls. (although my g/f denies this!) but why would she say those things??
I have asked my g/f and she sts this is just jealousy .. but she doesn't have a reason to be jealous as she ended it .. not my g/f.
She has also flirted with family members/friends but claims she is like this with everyone, i have never seen her flirt with anyone who isn't her type and believe she is doing this because she likes them.
She also seems to stare at girls when we are out, but claims 'you can look at the menu, just not order'
x x
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Re: Dunno Wether I Can Trust Her !!

Postby RagDoll » Tue Jun 30, 2009 4:38 pm

I think you know in your heart of hearts that she's bad news.

She cheated on her ex with you and the ex claims this happened vice versa too. It sends alarm bells ringing.

Flirting and checking people out is one thing, but the overall picture that you've built up of her makes her sound very untrustworthy. I think you should listen to your gut instinct (which I gather is telling you that she's a liar).
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Re: Dunno Wether I Can Trust Her !!

Postby Fragmented » Tue Jun 30, 2009 9:18 pm

I agree with RagDoll.

She does sound like bad news. Also there seems to be little or no trust in the relationship, so what's the point? If you can't take her word for anything and need to check her phone - that pretty much says you think she's lying to you. I think the crux of the problem is probably how the relationship first started. Because it began with her cheating on her ex with you, you're now never really going to be able to trust her knowing she's capable of cheating. Like RagDoll said, definitely listen to your gut instinct. If you really feel like you're never going to be able to trust her then I wouldn't spend anymore time in this relationship if I was you. That might sound a little harsh, but you'll be saving yourself a lot of heartache. You're better off investing your time and emotions in a relationship that you can make work.
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Re: Dunno Wether I Can Trust Her !!

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:20 am

Pink_Polly wrote:The girl she used to be with contacted me quite a few times, saying that they had met up and blah blah and she was cheating on me with other girls. (although my g/f denies this!) but why would she say those things??


She could have been saying them because either she ex- was jealous OR that is is true. Of course your girlfriend will deny it, innocent of guilty the answer will still be no I didn't do it. She was cheating when you first started a relationship, there is nothing stopping her cheating again!

Pink_Polly wrote:She has also flirted with family members/friends but claims she is like this with everyone, i have never seen her flirt with anyone who isn't her type and believe she is doing this because she likes them.
She also seems to stare at girls when we are out, but claims 'you can look at the menu, just not order'


Flirting is a big no no. If she flirts with everyone fair enough because she may actually be like that, but not just 'certain people'. I admit I flirt with a few people, I flirted with them before my bf and I were going out; he witnessed the flirting before we went out, so that it isn't just a thing I've done. Plus the couple of people I do flirt with are gay males (I'm a female); it's more just fun than anything else.
Looking in a relationship is also a no no, it's fair enough looking (as in you walk past someone, notice then and then carry on) but to stare and drool over someone is NOT the way to go in a relationship. If my bf ever did this, there'd be hell to pay.
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Re: Dunno Wether I Can Trust Her !!

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:18 am

I agree with the others hse is bad news
Anyone who feels the need to be secretive with there phone obviously has something to hide
I would never be secretive with my phone and never mind if my hubby wants to read a text but becasue we have trust he rarely even ask who I am texting
She is creating mistrust and it is already fragile
If she wants to be trusted she has to earn it and that means all cards on the table and she must be an open book until you can trust her
I think it is true though that this is unlikely to become a good relationship and she is likely upto no good
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Re: Dunno Wether I Can Trust Her !!

Postby Pink_Polly » Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:25 am

I suppose so. Thanks guys :D
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