Confused....

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Confused....

Postby signofthetimes » Sat Aug 08, 2009 12:36 pm

I'm a guy in my late twenties, always considered myself straight, and always only been in relationships with women up until v recently when I've caught myself noticing that other guys are good looking, for the first time.Then when I reflect on this it really freaks me out as I think I might be gay or bisexual, and I can't stop thinking about whether I am/the consequences if I am. It's really depressed me as I'm struggling with stress at work anyway and because I'm feeling depressed I'm finding it extremely difficult to focus on other areas of my life like friends/family, the training course I'm doing. It's tearing me apart because I can't stand the uncertainty and because I fear the consequences for my life if I'm gay/bisexual. I almost can't look at guys now just incase I think I find them attractive, crazy as that sounds.

I need some certainty just so that I can function properly but I don't think I'm courageous enough to face up to my fears of being gay/bisexual. It all just overwhelms me. Then I wonder if it's just anxiety getting the better of me and whether I should just accept that some guys are good looking but that doesn't mean I want to get involved with them sexually. I'm going to see a therapist as I need to get some order into my thoughts. Has anyone else gone through a similar situation? Any ideas on how to get through this..
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Re: Confused....

Postby lidopig » Sat Aug 08, 2009 5:01 pm

Hi signofthetimes,
I would think it extremely rare for people in their late twenties to suddenly develop a change in their sexual orientation.It is entirely normal for heterosexual people to admit that people of the same sex are good looking/attractive (often with a degree of jealousy!)
See your therapist, your underlying anxiety may be causing you these worries.I'm sure he/she will explain things much better than me!
PS even if you have feelings for other guys,would it be the end of the world?
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Re: Confused....

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Aug 10, 2009 9:53 am

I agree with Lidopig.

There is no harm in a straight person looking at someone of the same sex and thinking they are attractive. I'm a girl and I think a lot of girls are attractive, it doesn't mean I fancy them. It's the same as me looking at men, if I see a good looking man it also doesn't mean I fancy him.
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Re: Confused....

Postby RagDoll » Mon Aug 10, 2009 3:21 pm

I agree with the above posts.

What you've got to ask yourself is whether you're merely acknowledging the fact that some males are attractive (which doesn't make you bi/gay) or whether your feelings are more of a sexual nature?! Could you imagine being intimate with a man? If the idea doesn't appeal, I doubt it's anymore than just being human and therefore able to see that there are good looking males out there. As Dipsy said, I think a lot of girls are attractive, but I don't fancy them.
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Re: Confused....

Postby ALNZAL » Tue Aug 11, 2009 5:42 pm

hi

i'd just say i think it,s normal to feel like that way & no need to be confused anymore all humanbeing have the same but some say that same as u did other not

i hope good luck some
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Re: Confused....

Postby Richard » Tue Aug 25, 2009 11:02 am

When we're struggling, stressed or depressed we often look at other people and ask ourselves "What have they got that I don't? What's their secret?" And we're often drawn to people who have got 'something' that we feel we don't have: confidence, wit, style, charisma and so on. So it may be that you're actually noticing men because your self-esteem is low - you mention that you were already stressed at work. Interestingly, you don't say anything about your relationships. Have you been in successful relationships with women? When was the last one? Did that end unhappily and knock you? Visiting a therapist is the best plan that wll help you clarify your thoughts and feelings. Good luck.
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