STILL confused

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STILL confused

Postby Xscape » Wed Sep 02, 2009 1:24 pm

I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

For over a year, I have been questioning my sexuality. Almost 2 years now. It started off that I thought I was bi. But then it changed, and now I think I'm gay. I've told my friends, but not my family.

I now have a girlfriend, we've been going out for a few weeks now.

Before I came out to people, I was 99% sure I was gay. And I thought that coming out to people, and maybe getting a girlfriend, would help make that into 100%. But it didn't.

Looking back on my life, I can see that I must've been gay the whole of my life. I feel like I must be gay. I only want relationships with other women. I could only ever see myself settling down with other women, and I don't want sex with men at all. The thought of having sex with a man doesn't sound pleasent. I know all this for a fact. (I've been thinking about it long enough). When I go down the street, I only look at women. I don't want a relationship with a man, ever. So why am I so confused, when I know all this for sure? I've been thinking over the last few weeks since I came out, 'was it the right thing to do? Am I actually Gay? This is stupid, I'm straight'.

I don't get why I'm thinking all this stuff, when surely it's obvious to me I'm gay.

I've never had a sexual dream about a guy, but I've had plenty about girls.

I don't have a problem with being gay at all. But is this all some weird form of denial? Or maybe I just haven't got used to the idea yet? I don't know. Does anyone else feel like this / did anyone else feel like this?

Part of me feels that all of this is some stupid idea I've come up with, and it's all not true. But the main part of me knows for sure that it's true, I mean, it's obvious, right?

Maybe I just can't accept myself. I don't know. Help?
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Re: STILL confused

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Sep 02, 2009 3:19 pm

i WONDER IF YOU ARE ACTUALLY SCARED ABOUT PEOPLES RACTIONS AND ARE TRYING TO BE SURE BEFORE YOU SPRING IT ON YOUR FAMILY (sorry on caps :oops: )
you seem very sure of who you are sexually and certainly all indications are that you are gay
do you think your family will react badly and is this why you haven't told them?
are you worried they may try to confuse you into believing your not really gay and you are sort of testing yourself becuae of this expected reaction?
I have never been in this situation so I can't actually help with personal experience
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Re: STILL confused

Postby Xscape » Wed Sep 02, 2009 4:43 pm

Yeah possibly. I don't think my parents will react well, let's just say that.

They're sort of homophobic. Well, they make jokes about gay people + all that. But I'm not sure whether they actually mean it. Either way, I don't think things would be the same if I told them.

They're bound to find out eventually though, because I'm sure people have seen me around town with my girlfriend.

My friends were all fine with it, but the people at school that I'm not so close to have probably had a witch about it. Which is hard for me, because I'm quite a shy person. It was difficult enough before to make new friends, which I will need to do because I'm going into sixth form, and all my closest friends aren't taking the subjects I am, so I'll need someone to talk to in class etc.
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Re: STILL confused

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:45 am

I imagine telling your parents would be a shock to the system no matter how open minded they were; my friend told her parents and her dad cried.

Don't worry about coming out to anyone yet; just concentrate on being happy; if you want to tell your parents; you could always say you are bi and then in a few years come out as gay.

An asside; I don't see why people feel the need to have to tell others they are gay; I mean it's not like straight people saying "I'm straight". I don't see why people "should" tell but I do see why people do tell. I respect all my friends who have came out (there is a lot believe me). Most of the time I could guess before they told me; except one and I still couldn't guess it if he hadn't told me.
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Re: STILL confused

Postby snail » Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:49 am

Could it be that you're not totally happy with your actual girlfriend and the relationship you're in, and as a result are wondering if you're not gay, when really you should be wondering if you're suited to each other?
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Re: STILL confused

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:08 am

unless your making out in town people may just assume you and your girlfirend are just friends.
If you parents do find out from someone else they may be upset that you didn't tell them but then again if they haven't asked as dipsy says why should you have to tell them you wouldn't if you were straight.
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Re: STILL confused

Postby RagDoll » Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:55 am

I agree with what the others have said, would just like to add that obviously you're still young (you said you're just going into sixth form), so why the rush to define your sexuality at this point? I don't think you should worry about coming out to anybody else at this point, or do too much analysing about whether you're gay or not... just enjoy your relationship for what it is and I'm sure life experiences and soul searching will eventually make you sure one way or another at some point in the future.
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Re: STILL confused

Postby Xscape » Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:02 pm

Well yeah we've been holding hands and stuff in town, I'm sure someone will see us eventually - either my mum, or one of my mum's friends. So they're going to find out. and I don't want to have to hide it, pretend we're just friends, as it's not fair on my girlfriend.

I don't want my parents to find out that way as it'll just... not go down well I imagine. But I don't know how I could tell them face to face >.<

And I want to define my sexuality, because I can't be doing with this confusion any longer. It's doing my head in.
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Re: STILL confused

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Sep 04, 2009 8:30 am

If you don't want to tell your parents face to face you could always write them a letter.
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Re: STILL confused

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Sep 04, 2009 11:38 am

I think wirte them a letter ask them to read it then sit and chat and ask them if they have any questions
You are so right it's not fair on your g/f to hide it
Hope it all goes ok
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Re: STILL confused

Postby ILoveChristmas » Mon Sep 07, 2009 8:50 am

If I was in your position I think i'd just let things run for a while.

You sound, for lots of reasons, like you're not ready to make the leap to telling your parents yet and I don't think there's any rush to do that. Your sexuality, while it affects other people, is ultimately your business and you should only tell people when you're good and ready and most importantly, firm in your own mind of exactly how you feel.

I didn't pick up through the conversation how old you are, but if you're young there's going to be added pressure from your parents anyway in terms of "oh she's just going through a phase". That surely will be partly down to denial on their part.

The most important point I wanted to make was that there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, in my opinion. Make peace with that yourself before you go on to think about other people. Your friends and family like you the way you are and part of that 'you' is being gay (it seems), so deep down, despite what they might say, everyone still likes and loves you for who you are.

ILC

P.S Your username, Xscape, are you referring to the leisure centres? I live close the Glasgow Xscape.
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