Thinking about being with a woman

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Thinking about being with a woman

Postby Dani321 » Wed Sep 02, 2009 2:26 pm

Hi everyone

I was wondering if anybody could give me a bit of advice.
I am a 27 year old woman who is married to a lovely man, but I have feelings for other females. I've had 4 or 5 relationships with women in the past - but when I was younger, and due to family and friends, I never told anyone because I have always been afraid of what people might say.
I know its not just something different/grass is greener syndrome thats attracting me to women because I've felt this way for as long as I can remember and the way I feel with a man is nothing like the fulfilment I do when I'm with a woman. I did think this would change when I got married and settled down, but regretfully it hasn't. My husband knows nothing of these feelings, or about my past and I recognise its wrong to keep things like that from him. I keep wondering whether I'll feel better if I met a woman - I know this is wrong because I am married, but I can't stop thinking about this, and its making me so unhappy when I think about ignoring these feelings for ever.
Has anyone else ever had a similar problem? I feel so confused.
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Re: Thinking about being with a woman

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Sep 02, 2009 3:03 pm

You shouldn't have an affair if thats what your suggesting. It's not right whether it's a woman or a man
If your marriage isn't fulfilling you perhaps you need to end it or do you think there is a possiblity to save it with conselling
Either way it wouldn't be fair to your husband to have an affair
Are you considering telling your husband about your feelings?
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Re: Thinking about being with a woman

Postby all_apologies » Thu Sep 03, 2009 12:37 am

I think you should go back and read your own post because it says it all. You seem to have your situation sussed out already even if you don't consciously realise it. To summarise, you basically said:

-you've had several relationships with women and already know that you feel more fulfilled with them
-you feel unhappy in your marriage and can't stop thinking about being with a woman instead

I don't really think there's much analysis to be done here. You married someone for perhaps the wrong reasons, have grown up a little and realised that sadly it's not what you want from life. As difficult as you may find it, I think it's time to think seriously about whether you want to continue stringing your husband along in a relationship that's making you unhappy. It's not good for either of you, and the longer you leave it, the more you'll regret not getting out while you're still young and can start again. Putting it off is just prolonging the inevitable and wasting time in the process.

I know what I've written is pretty blunt, but your post is a little different from the majority that we get in this section. Usually there is some genuine confusion where people aren't really sure of their attractions and are trying to figure out who they are. On the other hand, it seems pretty clear to me that you're either gay or bisexual with a preference to women, and that it's just the fact that you've stifled it for so long that's confusing you.

It's scary accepting you're not straight, but it's amazing how liberating it also feels. You don't have to tell the world right away (or ever, if you're not comfortable), but it is important you discuss frankly with your husband what's going on. It'll be difficult for him to come to terms with, but I think in the long run you'll both be glad you were honest about it.
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