Lesbian nightmare

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Lesbian nightmare

Postby sufferingles » Mon Oct 05, 2009 5:41 pm

I'm 25 years old and have known I was gay since I was quite young but only came out to certain friends when I was 19.

For the last year I have been seeing a girl who has had previous lesbian experiences but lives with her boyfriend of 4 years. After a few months of trying to hold back our feelings we really fell in love and she left her boyfriend.

I currently still live with my parents and they do not know I am gay, at this stage I do not feel ready to tell them and I tried to explain this to my girlfriend, she wants me to get my own place so she can move in but I have been back at home to save for a mortgage which I am not quite ready to get yet but I don't want to throw all that time away saving and go and rent now because she wants to jump ship immediately.

My further problem to this is she hates all of my friends, she is 20 and I have made an effort to get on with all of her friends but every friend I introduce her to she seems to dislike within minutes, she has a real hang up with my best friend who about 5 years ago was in a relationship with me... she knew that before we got together and me and my friend are totally over it - she now has a son and has gone back to the other side :-).

In the end my girlfriend gave me an ultimatum, give up my best friend and all the things she doesn't like and be with her or don't be with. She was saying she was going to tell her bf and her parents about us, I completely panicked said I couldn;t do this and had to get away... I cut my self off from her for a few weeks to try and think.

One thing is clear to me I love my girlfriend with all my heart and I really want to be with her but should I be forced into coming out to everyone and giving up my friends for her?! How do I get her to compromise and see my point of view?!

Since we had time out she moved back in with her bf and said she was going to make a go of things with him... since we've started talking again its going back to our old ways... we really love each other but it just doesn;t seem to work because she is so jealous of my old relationship with my friend... I don't know what to do to move on should I move out be with the gf and give up my friends or try and make her see sense or have nothing to do with her anymore?!?
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Re: Lesbian nightmare

Postby lidopig » Mon Oct 05, 2009 9:28 pm

Hi,
Do you really need advice here? I mean this girl sounds serious bad news! My advice,for what it's worth,is to get out now.You are worth much more and Ms "right" is surely out there somewhere .Good luck.
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Re: Lesbian nightmare

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:42 am

In whole I agree with lidopig; you should never give up friends or what you like for someone no matter who they are. It's different giving up spaghetti or something but not friends or lifestyles or coming out to everyone when you aren't ready. I mean if you tell your parents, all your friends, your family, loose your friends and she ends it in 2 months that leaves you with nothing.
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Re: Lesbian nightmare

Postby Fragmented » Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:27 pm

You've clearly stated you're not ready to come out to everyone and don't feel it's the right time for you to be moving out yet - don't let her bully you into doing any of those things when you don't want to.

She seems a little immature to me and I don't like the fact she seems to think it's okay for her to flit between you and her boyfriend/ex - how serious can she be about you if she's willing to go back to him at the drop of a hat?

As dipsy says, even if you were to give into her ultimatum what guarantee is there that she wouldn't just walk away again? Do what you feel when you're ready to do it, if she loves you enough she'd be supportive of your relationships, not be determined to sabotage them. I can understand some of her jealousy when it comes to your friend because even though you may see her as just a friend, she is in actual fact your ex too. Try and reassure her and put your point across in a reasonable and calm way (which I'm sure you will do/would do). If she still chooses to behave the way she is doing, I'd personally walk away because I think it's only going to get worse.
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Re: Lesbian nightmare

Postby purplepeach » Thu Oct 15, 2009 4:53 pm

The main thing you have to think about is, If the relationship doesn't work out, and you've dumped your friends, who do you have left?
Do you really want to risk all that on one girl who doesn't care for you in the way you think she does??
She clearly has no respect and I think your better off not knowing her, and waiting for the right lady to come alng :D
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