Is there any point to this?

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Is there any point to this?

Postby Fragmented » Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:26 pm


I've not been on here for a while as things have been pretty alright but I now kinda need some advice.

Some of you that have been on here for a while may (...or may not) remember but I came out of a relationship over four months ago after getting majorly messed around but I'm now glad to say that having cut all contact for the duration of that time I'm completely over it :) thanks in part to some great advice on here.

A couple of months ago a friend of mine suggested I should start talking to new people as even though I'd come out of a relationship, it was in her opinion, a healthy idea that I should just start chatting to other people. She asked me if it was okay if she passed my number onto a girl she knew (...not that well may I add) but who seemed nice enough. Although reluctant at first, I agreed. This girl text me and we started chatting subsequently. It was nothing deep or anything, just friendly texts and calls every few days. Initially as I was still drained by my last relationship, I made it clear that I was very happy single and the last thing I wanted was to be involved with someone. Anyway as time went on and the more we spoke over the phone, the more we got along and we started flirting and decided we wanted to meet up. As we live a few hours away from each other she said she'd come up to see me as she was coming up this way anyway with friends on a night out. Then as the day grew closer, she said she was unable to come to my city but would still be in the neighbouring city to see her friends. As I also have friends there, I went too and we met up for a couple of hours. It was great, we got on really well, there was huge chemistry and we kissed. This was a week ago.

We spoke a day later and nothing was mentioned about the kiss. But when we did discuss it she said she didn't regret it, liked me and wished she could have stayed longer. I said pretty much the same thing.

Sounds pretty good so far I know. My problem however is this: I'm 27, she's 21. I'm in a settled job with a routine and she's at uni, out every night. I feel as though I have a close group of a few friends and she seems to know half of the country (..slight exaggeration, but you get me lol). We live hours apart. We have very little in common. And she's really elusive - I hear from her and then nothing for a few days and this is how the cycle continues. Because of all this, a few weeks ago when she initially said she liked me I was pretty abrupt and said that I don't think we could ever work because of the age/life/interest/location difference. It wasn't the first or last time I'd said that and it's caused her to back off I think. We had a big talk about things two days ago and a bit of an argument. I said I liked her and wanted to see her again, she said more or less the same but said she's sick of putting herself out there for people she likes (including me) and ending up hurt and that honestly speaking she doesn't really want to like someone.

The thing is I feel the same. I don't actually want to like someone, but I can't help liking her. I know I don't want a relationship, I don't think she wants one either but I can't just be completely casual either. When we argued she said that she feels I don't want her to like me and I'm always abrupt with her and trying to get off the phone. I guess I'm trying to protect my own feelings and keep pushing her away and now fear I may have pushed her away a bit too far. She's said to me in the past she crushes a lot, that coupled with all the differences between us makes me think I'm going to end up hurt as she'll probably end up getting bored anyway. Because of this I never/hardly ever call her first or text her and I guess I go from one extreme to the other - either telling her I really like her or saying I really don't think it's going to go anywhere.

I've really lost all perception of things and I'm so confused and probably have confused the hell out of you lot too lol. I guess I'm asking a lot of things. Why am I being like this? Does she like me? What should I do next?

I'm so over-thinking this I know. I just can't seem to stop.
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Re: Is there any point to this?

Postby lidopig » Sun Oct 25, 2009 7:33 pm

Hi there fragmented,
I think your still getting over your last relationship,hence having problems getting things in perspective.You like this girl,she likes you.these are the facts.You both have been hurt in the past and are both putting up barriers to protect yourselves. the differences you have quoted are imho of very small consequence.My advice, for what it's worth, is to give this friendship a go,you never know it might turn out to be the love of your life! (it was for me,in very similar circumstances)
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Re: Is there any point to this?

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Oct 26, 2009 1:34 pm

I think you should just leave it. If your thinking about so many complications at this stage then I can't see how it's going to work
I agree with lidopig you are probably still getting over the last relatonship and it's just too soon
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