Really confusing experience... Freaking out

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Really confusing experience... Freaking out

Postby cyclegirl » Sun Apr 11, 2010 1:21 pm

Don't know where to start with this but something happened recently which has really upset and confused me. I'm 32 and have always been straight... I've never been attracted to a woman, had sexual fantasies nor dreams about women. I've never doubted my sexuality. About 5/6 years ago I was staying with a female friend we'd been out and were really drunk. I woke up in the middle of night and she was lying on top of me trying to kiss me and trying to touch me. I immediately pushed her away and told her to leave me alone. The next morning she couldn't remember anything and I just got out of there. I was distressed by this. Then a mutual friend told me, my ex actually, told me I was overreacting. Anyway, I don't see this girl that often and got over it and just kept my distance a bit. I kinda feel sorry for her as I think she's kinda messed up in terms of sexuality.
Recently though we were all at a party where I stayed over.again we all had a lot to drink. I went to bed and at some stage this girl came and got in bed beside me. I don't know what happened but the next thing we were kissing. I know that she initiated this. It was a bit strange - it was comforting but I felt no sexual charge or urge from it. I touched her chest - I've always been insecure about that part of my body and I wanted to know if it felt different from my body. I didn't lime that at all and stopped at that point. She was quite agressive and wanted to do a lot more and i didn't. I had no desire nor curiousity for anything else. At that one point I told her she could have one more kiss and nothin else. Neither of us talked about it the next day and i'm not sure if she remembers.
I'm kinda freaking out about it. I can't talk to my friends about it and I have no desire to repeat this experience.
I've been single for a couple of years nowVthough there is a guy I really like and am attracted to but I haven't seen him in a while - maybe I was just lonely. But why didn't I react the same way as before? Am I not too old for this kind of experimentation? What does this mean? I'm so confused should I now suddenly doubt my sexuality?
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Re: Really confusing experience... Freaking out

Postby snail » Sun Apr 11, 2010 3:01 pm

It sounds to me as though this friend is definitely sexually attracted to you, but to be honest you just sound straight to me. I think your response to her kissing you - being a bit curious to see what it was like, and being a bit curious about what another woman's chest feels like to touch, but not wanting to go further - is perfectly normal for a straight woman. I don't think you're too old for this type of experimentation - if you had been more curious you might have done it when you were younger, but you obviously weren't particularly curious until it happened to you. Perhaps you responded differently this time because you were older, so less shocked by the idea, or because you were lonely, and found it comforting. Either way I wouldn't let it worry you particularly (not that I'm saying it's a worry to be gay, it's more of a worry to be questioning something as deep as your sexuality). The main thing is your relationship with your friend - probably not a good idea to stay over there again, as she might think you were indicating you wanted to go further, as it's happened twice before.
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Re: Really confusing experience... Freaking out

Postby cyclegirl » Sun Apr 11, 2010 3:58 pm

Thanks snail.
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Re: Really confusing experience... Freaking out

Postby retrochav » Sat Apr 17, 2010 1:02 pm

If this was a guy you didnt really fancy, it would be sexual assault. The fact is that this woman has pressed affections on you that you didnt really seem to want. Its probably best to see it in the way it was intended - a bit of comfort between two people who were drunk.

I'm a gay man, and share beds with straight guys i kinda fancy all the time, but theres no way i would abuse the friendships in this way. If you can honestly say that it didnt make you feel turned on, then you know it isnt a direction you want to follow. Theres no harm in exploring something new, at any age, but if it doesnt make you feel positive then you have your answer.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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