How do I tell my family that I am gay?

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How do I tell my family that I am gay?

Postby freakin' out babe » Mon Aug 04, 2003 8:32 pm

Well,my problem is quite complicated in many ways.
I am a 22 year old that works part time at a bar to pay for my student loans and child care for my 4 year old son.
I have never been that happy having realtionships with men that is the main reason why I split up with my sons father.
But 14 months ago while working a cutomer was hitting on me there's unusual about that as it's part of the job when you are bar maid you get used to it.
But this cutomer was a woman,at first I thought she was just very drunk and having a laugh.
But she was quite serious,she even left me with her phone number.
For some reason I never threw it away,so about week later I thought "What the hell?",I called her.We went out together but not on a date.
I found out loads about her : Her name is Sally she's 24 years old, she sudied at the same uni as me and she was a lesbian.
But as time went on I realised why I really liked Sally alot more than a friend!
That's when I realised why I never really liked going out with men.
I have been going out with Sally now for 9 months but my parents don't know about our relationship,they think we're just good friends.

I know that I have to tell my family as I am serious about Sally,she makes me feel great in so many ways.I've never felt this way before.

I know my parents are going to take it hard as I am their only daughter and they are always talking about me getting married.
But it's my eldest brother who's going to be the hardest to tell as he is very homophobic.
So much so that he has been sent down for 6 months after assaulting a couple of blokes because they were gay.
I hate my brother because of this he is my brother and he does have a right to know.

I have tried to tell my family so many times but it never seems the right time.Sally doesn't pressurize me into telling them or anything but I think I should tell my family as Sally's has known since we first got together.

Helen
Tony Blair puts 2 peoms in a bus shelter and calls it a museum. - Victoria Woods

Stand up is my 1st love.Well that's if you don't count Carrol Farrell who cracked 2 of my ribs doing the huckleback at the church dance. - Peter Kay.
freakin' out babe
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Postby abi » Mon Aug 04, 2003 9:00 pm

at some point, lets face it, u are going 2 have 2 tell ur family. At first they will take it hard, but eventually c that u r happier wiv women and they will want u 2 be happy.
Its ur brother who it will be hardest 2 tell. R u close 2 ur brother? Is there a reason why hes homophobic? I think that u being a lesbian could make him see that there is nothing wrong wiv gay couples, but then again, he might not. Theres nothing u van do but find out
best off luck 2 u
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Postby sovs » Mon Aug 04, 2003 9:27 pm

Wow with all that on your mind you must feel pretty stressed.

I think the best way to do it is ask your mum if you and her can go out for the day maybe for lunch or a drink.
Have a heart to heart and make yourself tell her while your out with her, and make her understand you are happy. Then ask her to speak to your dad for you, as she will probably sway him better.
As for your brother thats a bit trickier. Why dont you write him a letter, explain how you feel and how you are happy, and make it clear if he cant accept you as you are then he should stay away from you. I know that sounds harsh but if he cant accept you then he will just make your life unbearable.
When i first met my husband, my eldest brother was not very nice as my husband is 12 years older than me, so in the end after a lot of agro i told my brother i wanted nothing more to do with him, and now we havent spoke since december 1999, i am sad as he hasnt met my son now 11 months, but if he cant accept me and the partner i love im better off without him in my life.
If your parents accept it you will find the rest of the family follow.

One thing i will say is, i dont understand why people are againt those who are gay, if in latter life my son told me he was i wouldnt mind as long as he was happy, i dont know why we're not accepted for who we are.

Good luck, let us know how it goes and if you need to talk more post back. :D :D :D
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Postby freakin' out babe » Sun Aug 10, 2003 6:53 pm

I got the courage to tell my family today over sunday lunch.

Mum and Dad thought I was joking to start with but when they realized I was serious they gave me their blessing and they were happy if I was happy - which I am.

My brother on the other hand just got up from the table and started to hurl abuse at me saying that my son would grow up to be a "poof".

Sally and me left before he could say anymore.

Should I try and talk to my brother?

Helen
Tony Blair puts 2 peoms in a bus shelter and calls it a museum. - Victoria Woods

Stand up is my 1st love.Well that's if you don't count Carrol Farrell who cracked 2 of my ribs doing the huckleback at the church dance. - Peter Kay.
freakin' out babe
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Postby sovs » Sun Aug 10, 2003 7:32 pm

I suggest you let him cool off for a few days.

What your brother said is rubbish. My friends mum is gay and with a woman, and shes fine with it, and has boyfriends.
Just because you are gay will not have an impact on your son, except maybe to respect everyone for who they are. And to me thats a good thing.

Well done for having the courage to speak out. :wink:
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Postby IckleBlackRose » Mon Aug 11, 2003 7:44 am

Hey There,
I understand what ya going threw,Because a Few Months ago,I told my mum and Dad i was Bi,that was maybe the hardest things to do,because the same as you,I am the Only Daughter.They seem to think its the end,There not having Grandchildren or a son-in-law,
I know it maybe hard to Believe right now but if your Family Loves You,
They will try to deal with it so that your Happy.
as to your brother,that will take a long time for him to Handle. Evntually he will come to relise that your hes Sis,And just because you like Woman,Doesnt change that.
you should always feel Proud of who you are,No matter what you like or Dont like.
if someone makes you this happy?Show her off! i know i would!
Good Luck and keep us Posted on how you and Sally Do,I hope it works out Fine!
xxxxxxxxxxxx
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Postby Stacker » Tue Aug 12, 2003 7:59 pm

Least you have your parents support that's something.
I know that's not what you want to hear.
You should give your brother some time and space to calm down and come to terms with what you have told him.

Good Luck
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Postby KoRn_Freak » Tue Aug 12, 2003 8:03 pm

Sounds like your brother can't accept the fact that there are some people who's sexuality isn't hetro- and I personally think that there's nothing wrong with that! It's actually quite a beautiful thing if you discover you can be happy with someone of the same sex; it's just as sacred and as wonderful as any hetro relationship.

Try talking to your brother calmly- explain to him that people with different sexualities are still human beings and have feelings. You can't help the way you are, you didn't decide upon your sexuality. He'll find it hard to understand, but I'm sure that over time he will begin to see things from your point of view.

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Postby freakin' out babe » Sat Sep 20, 2003 5:29 pm

I have spoken to my brother since I last posted on here.
And he has agreed to be cival to Sally and not to take the mick out of our relationship.
He says he's only doing this coz he loves me and Pacey too much to lse us.

I suppose it's the most i could ask for.
Least I don't lose my brother.

Helen
Tony Blair puts 2 peoms in a bus shelter and calls it a museum. - Victoria Woods

Stand up is my 1st love.Well that's if you don't count Carrol Farrell who cracked 2 of my ribs doing the huckleback at the church dance. - Peter Kay.
freakin' out babe
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