my girl is a hypocrite

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Just Landed
Just Landed
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Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 8:14 pm

my girl is a hypocrite

Post by fireworks » Thu Feb 10, 2011 7:21 am

Well, this is probably going to be pretty long so be warned!

I've been with my girlfriend on and off for just over two years, although i've known her a lot longer, were both female.
For as long as we've been together i've treated her with the utmost respect, i've always made my feelings perfectly clear and i've kissed the ground she walked on since the day we started dating.

A few months into the relationship I found out that she'd been sleeping with her ex behind my back, she made an attempt to tell me herself, (via text message!) but even then only gave a tenth of a story and this was months after it had happened. Although crushed, I accepted what had happened and wanted to keep going with the relationship, as much as it killed me i accepted that her ex was part of their circle of friends and kept my mouth shut when she went on nights out and even weekends away with them and her (naive,i know) my girlfriend seemed oblivious to the fact that her nights out and weekends away were tearing me apart and as obvious as it was she was more concerned with putting herself first, as i was, her happiness was always more important to me than anything, so even if it meant making myself miserable i'd let the charade continue to keep her content.

Some months later, I found out from her ex that there was a lot more to the story than my girlfriend had let on, i was absolutely destroyed with the filthy details and although this was over a year ago it still makes my stomach turn, on top of the cheating and lies, my girlfriend took me completely for granted, despite knowing that just the thought of her being in the same room as her ex tore me apart she shared a bed with her when they went away, aswell as many other minor details that i wont bore you with.

Every time she broke my heart her whole response to it was at best nonchalant, after 18 months of sheer heartache i ended up on anti depressants and an appointment with a therapist once a fortnight, she said she'd be there for me but when it came down to it she was busy with her friends. Through all of this she claimed she loved me. Yet i can't remember a time when she ever had any respect for me. The truths that i have found have made everything i loved about our relationship a lie (and we did have good moments, in the beginning i thought we were more in love that anyone could me, the cheating makes it all seem fake)
Every single time she crushed me i let her back in after a list of promises and "i love yous" but they were all empty, and although i knew that, it's almost as if i would let her keep hurting me just so i could be with her.

I adore this girl and I haven't got the slightest clue why, when i clearly don't mean anything to her. In the end I'd gotten sick of hearing from her ex who just wanted to pull our relationship apart, i asked my girlfriend not to talk to her anymore and at first she agreed, but it didnt last, i remember standing in her room in tears as she told me they were going to try and be friends, she tried to convince me it was for the good of our relationship and watched tears roll down my face as she stood in front of me texting her ex. She always did put her first, no matter how it hurt me. Yet she claims its me she loved.

After many fights and unrest about her broken promises and putting me last things came to an end in October, i'd like to say i finally opened my eyes and walked away but in actual fact she left me. I carried on telling her i loved her every day, she told me i was disgusting and i meant nothing to her and that i should find comfort somewhere else because i'd get nothing from her. She told me to move on and not to turn to her for anything. After months of trying to get my head around it I started going out more and seeing friends, i even ended up with some girls phone numbers and had a little flirt, nothing more.

Then out of the blue, my ex text me saying she missed me and wanted me back, i was furious and felt that she was only trying to mess with my head, in spite of this, two weeks later she had managed to work her way back in again, i told her i didn't love her the way i did before, and i wasn't sure about what i wanted, but we spent some time together and began dating briefly, in the time we were back together she kept her phone hidden away from me, she said it was because she didn't want phones to be an issue, and at the time i didnt care because quite frankly i'd had enough of reading things i'd end up wishing i hadnt, i was happy not to see her phone.

Yet one night we were together, she went through my phone when i had left the room, she saw the flirty messages i had sent when we weren't together.. when i "meant nothing" to her and she made a huge issue of it, i stupidly tried to hide it because in spite of everything she had put me through i didn't want to hurt her, whether we had been together at the time or not, the truth is no matter how much she obliterated my heart my priority was still keeping hers intact. I don't understand why she made an issue of something that she herself didnt want to be an issue, i've rarely ever seen her cry in the two years we've been together, but she fell to pieces in tears after this, she said the problem isn't what i'd done but the fact i lied about it, which i understand but to come from someone who swore on a childs life she didn't sleep with her ex makes me furious. One white lie in two years of being 100% faithful while she ran around chasing other girls, yet shes calling me all the names under the sun and branding me a liar, for keeping something from her that was entirely irrelevant to our relationship.
I know that it's wrong to lie full stop and i myself hate liars, but i was protecting her, it was a human error, whilst her two years worth of lies were only to protect herself and her ex.

This girl has ruined me so much that i can't even figure out who's wrong or right anymore. I don't think i'm in the wrong, but i've never seen her cry like that before and it killed me to think i'd hurt her, despite how many times shes crushed me. I hate myself for falling so hard for her, for letting her walk all over me, for not walking out the second i heard of her infidelity. I feel like the truth came out when i had fallen too deep and there was nothing i could do. I'm ashamed of myself for allowing someone to manipulate me and hurt me and treat me this way, and yet i still adore her. She genuinely believes that she's in the right with this situation and i can't understand it, because i don't think she is. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm tired. All i've ever done is love her with every bone in my body, and she's crushed every single one. And the way she's treated me after this incident has filled me with so much bitterness, after everything she did i couldn't stop myself telling her she was beautiful to me, yet after one stupid mistake she's punishing me in the worst way, and i don't think i deserve it.

She's messed me up so much that even hearing other people talk about their exes sends me into furious thoughts of everything her and her ex did to me. i feel like shes ruined me for anyone else. I'll never be able to accept that to some people an ex is an ex, i'll never trust that my next partner isn't sleeping with their ex behind my back. I don't think i'll ever be able to believe that i'm truly loved, and it breaks me that i gave this girl everything i had and she repeatedly threw it back in my face, and i let her. So after everything, why am i the bad guy.. and why do i even care.

Thanks to anyone who actually read this.. i don't really know what i'm looking for

Hi, Fireworks. You've got two identical threads; PPers have started responding to the other one, so I'm locking this to keep it simple. :)