Embarrassed about gay talk.

For any problems related to sexuality, coming out & gay relationships.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Embarrassed about gay talk.

Postby Dude1 » Thu May 01, 2014 8:33 am

I'm looking for advice about my feelings of embarrassment when people talk about being gay or gay people. I'm a 41 year old man and have suffered with depression/low self esteem for most of my life to a greater or lesser extent. I have always struggled with relationships through being shy and have only recently had a long term girlfriend.
I have had a large amount of counselling and so have some idea about the condition of depression. It was during a period of counselling I think that i explored my sexuality a bit, going to a gay club and kissing a man. Also propositioning some male friends who I thought could be into it too. My experience with the gay man wasn't particularly revealing, I didn't feel like this was something I wanted to do. In general as well, I mostly don't look at men as being attractive. I much prefer the curves and beauty of women. However, I still get this embarrassed feeling and I'm sure that my friends and colleagues think I'm gay because I don't really join in with their conversation when talking about "gayness".
What do people think? Am I actually gay and just not able to deal with it? Or is it just an effect of my depressive problems?
I'd welcome any views and advice.
Dude1
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu May 01, 2014 8:17 am
Gender: Male

Re: Embarrassed about gay talk.

Postby rufio89 » Thu May 01, 2014 9:20 am

I think that the general consensus these days is that people aren't either gay or straight - sexuality is on a spectrum, with some people just more at one end that the other.

Do you have any issues with gay men in general?

I really wouldnt worry too much about it. Maybe you're bisexual, that doesnt leave you with an obligation to explore the gay part of your sexuality - just remember that if you want to, you have the freedom to do that. What is it that makes you think you are or arent gay? It's normal to find people of both genders attractive, as I said, sexuality is on a continuum - that said, I know a few gay men who still think women's bodies are really nice to look at - just no desire to touch!
rufio89
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2565
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:05 pm
Location: Nottingham
Gender: Female

Re: Embarrassed about gay talk.

Postby Dude1 » Sat May 03, 2014 7:55 am

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, the continuum of sexuality idea makes sense to me. However, maybe it's my own need to see things as either black or white, or my perception of society requiring that, which is causing me problems.

You asked if I have issues with gay men, well, yes, I often feel uncomfortable and a little embarrassed around them. Not that I know many and none very well.

The problem I have at the moment is that I seem to be going off my girlfriend. We've been together for a year and a half now, although we live in different countries and see each other about once a month. She's a really lovely girl but for some reason I don't find her that attractive anymore. She is quite traditional/reserved in some ways and doesn't dress particularly fashionably or sexily. You could accuse me of being shallow but I think I want her to be more feminine and sexy. I look at other girls in the street and wish my girlfriend would wear similar things sometimes. And I'm not talking about mini skirts and cleavage here. I mean for example some tight jeans or maybe a loose skirt. Something to get the imagination going!I guess I'm going off topic here, maybe should post in another forum?
Dude1
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu May 01, 2014 8:17 am
Gender: Male

Re: Embarrassed about gay talk.

Postby snail » Sun May 04, 2014 10:40 am

It's up to you really, Dude - if you want to post it in 'Girlfriends and Boyfriends', then please do. Or you can continue here if you think the background of your first post might be helpful.

It sounds as though you are a bit bored with your girlfriend, and wish she could be a bit more exciting generally. Long-distance relationships are pretty hard. Do you still want to be with her?
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

Najwa Zebian
User avatar
snail
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4343
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:59 pm
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gender: Female

Re: Embarrassed about gay talk.

Postby Dude1 » Sun May 04, 2014 11:49 am

You could say that I'm getting bored with her. It has become a bit difficult to talk together on skype. However, I don't want to give up yet. She has been having a few problems lately with illness and her mother being seriously ill. I'm sure that has affected her and maybe our relationship too.

When things are going well it's really good. But I still want her to be a bit more sexy/cool about how she dresses. Is this a lot to ask for? I realise that the clothes you wear kind of reflect your character to some extent. I don't want her to change her personality though, just her wardrobe sometimes, or do these things go hand in hand?
Dude1
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu May 01, 2014 8:17 am
Gender: Male

Re: Embarrassed about gay talk.

Postby all_apologies » Sun May 04, 2014 3:19 pm

Whether you're gay or not, it sounds like your issue with gay-centric conversation is that you're worried that others will somehow find out about your gay experiences when the general topic arises. I'm gay, out, comfortable with my sexuality and happy to talk about gay issues to the vast majority of people. However, I'm not actually "officially" out to my parents and I do find myself sometimes a little uncomfortable with general gay conversation around them. I think it's because I feel like I'll give something away, not necessarily by something I say, but by a facial expression or something more subtle. I reckon the same thing is happening with you.

As an aside, I don't think sexuality is always open-ended, I do think certain people are firmly straight or firmly gay. I know my own mind very well and know I never will be attracted to a man - there is just zero attraction there even when I can appreciate a man might be stunningly handsome. That said, my experience with several ex-flings is that there are definitely people who are more fluid with their sexuality, and perhaps more swayed by the individual rather than their gender.
User avatar
all_apologies
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3539
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2004 1:30 pm
Gender: Female


Return to Sexuality

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron