Where can I turn to?

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Where can I turn to?

Postby babushka » Tue Nov 18, 2003 1:46 am

I'm 18, currently at uni and very alone. Not friends-wise, but relationship-wise. My problem is that I'm bisexual, but I haven't been able to tell anyone about it. I don't know how my friends would react, but my parents would hit the roof! Anyway, with my friends, I get the impression that they are anti-gay in some respects. There's always the, 'Oh, you're gay' sort of jokey-insults thrown around between everybody as if it is a slur. I'm so upset and lonely, this is really holding me back from being who I am. I put up such a good front that nobody has ever questioned me about either my sexuality or my happiness, everyone assumes that it's all okay, but the reality couldn't be further from the lie. I just don't know what to do. :-?
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Postby saz » Tue Nov 18, 2003 9:00 am

It is unfortunate that people do use the term 'gay' as if it is an insult, but i think most of the time it isn't meant intentionally as these days it is just part of the language for young people. This doesn't make it right. I have heard people say it and those people haven't necessarily been homophobic, they just say silly things!

It must be really hard for you to tell people if you are unsure of their reaction. You could tell someone you really trust to get things off your chest. You dont have to rush into telling anyone if you dont want to, it is your business not theirs. If you do have a relationship with anyone, male or female then you can decide at the time whether you want to go public with it or not. Your friends might surprise you - if they are true friends, care about you then they will accept everything about you. You wont change as a person and they like you i am sure that they wont desert you or be nasty. If they do then i know it would be really upsetting but they weren't worth the bother anyway.

You could see if there is a group at your university, or someone where people can go and talk about things. I have never been to uni so i am not really sure of these things but i am sure there is someone to confide in confidentially and give you advice. Good luck i hope you are ok.
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Postby babushka » Tue Nov 18, 2003 9:26 am

Cheers. The worry just rips me up inside constantly, and yes, there are groups and helplines at uni so I will go and speak to them.
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Postby fudge » Tue Nov 18, 2003 9:56 am

hi
i have to agree with saz true friends will stick around no matter what and keep on excepting you for who you are being bisexual is part of who you are also it dosent change your personality or the way you look so they should have no problem with it and if they do tyhen again as saz said there not worth the bother you have already took the first step be admitting it to yourself and managed to acsept it so when your ready to tell them or 1 of them to start with or if you find it hard to say then show them your post then tell them it is you and as for them useing the turm gay as a sort of insult it is just one of the things that people say i have a gay uncle and i use it with him all the time not to be cruel just as a bit of fun hes comfortable with his sexualty and just answers by calling me names because i used to get all the good looking men so i wouldnt even bring that into it as it doesnt mean there homophobic im rambling now so ill leave it hear and i hope i have helped even if its just a little bit
good luck
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Postby saz » Tue Nov 18, 2003 10:01 am

Your friends would probably be horrified to know how bad you are feeling and haven't told them, i know i would if it was my friend. This doesn't mean you HAVE to tell them just try not to panic that they will react badly.

The thing is, you aren't in a relationship at the moment and as far as your friends and family are concerned you are happy. If you haven't had a partner, or even said anything about relationships, they might have an inkling but dont know how to bring it up with you, or think it is none of their business. Your parents love you and really, you dont have to share intimate details of your private life with them as yet and you are now adult. There is a fine line between being honest with your parents and being too honest! You might feel better if they knew before hand so that they dont get such a shock when you bring partners home for instance. But you are 18 and dont live at home anymore. You obviously are sure of your feelings which is a good thing.
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Postby Enigma » Tue Nov 18, 2003 7:42 pm

Hi babushka and welcome to the forums.

I am out about my bisexuality with anyone that I want to know. My friends joke a lot about me being gay, I am used to that now and sort of de-sensitised. It doesn't get to me at all, because I know that those friends know I do like females too, and I could end up with a girl just as much as guy.

I'm open about the fact that I like guys more girls, but you can't predict what's going to happen. The person of my dreams may have a vagina, or not, that's all. The joking from friends has caused a bit of a problem mind you, there was this time when a friend disregarded our dancefloor flirting saying, "but you're gay!" Nevermind eh?
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Postby babushka » Wed Jan 14, 2004 9:25 am

Hi again, Ive had to hold back still with about telling anyone about my sexuality. One of my best mates is VERY homphobic, another is very accepting about homosexuality but is best mates with the homphobic one so I can't tell him in case he tells the homophobic friend. Its all such a mess, plus I fancy this guy but don't know whether he's straight, bi or gay! I really like him, and we are already good friends so I don't want to jeopardise that. I hate this, it doesn't seem fair that I can't be me.
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