I really don't know what i am

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I really don't know what i am

Postby Historybabe » Thu Feb 05, 2004 6:44 pm

Hello.
Im Tricia and i have this problem, I really don't know what I am, sexuality wise I mean. I am 15 and i do find alot of girls at my school and women in genral attractive, but at the same time i still liked alot of boys. Then not awhile back i started to like way more girls then i did boys and i just started to tell myself " you like boys" but i knew i didn't.
My mate dan asked me how many boys i actualy did like and i could only give him one name, then he asked me how many girls i liked and i could have given him 20 names with in a matter of minuts.
I have talked to a friend about this and she says i may be gay. But i really dont wanna be plz help me i really dont know what im suposed to be :( any advice will be great thanks alot Tricia.
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Postby luvva » Thu Feb 05, 2004 6:49 pm

First of all there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay!

Secondly at this age you can't really say if you are gay or not, a lot of people do just know if they are gay or not but a lot of teenagers are unsure for a while wether they are straight or gay. Right now your emotions are probably all over the place and when you are going through puberty all of your hormones are totally mucked up.

You could be gay but like I have said there is nothing wrong with that, right now you should probably just try and think about what you want. None of us can tell you if you are gay or not.
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Postby Fidel » Thu Feb 05, 2004 7:19 pm

why do we need categories for everything?

you can like who the hell you like without a label with my permission! Just enjoy yourself without the fear of being labeeled gay - just go with whats natural!

all the best

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Postby LoVe BuG » Thu Feb 05, 2004 7:22 pm

theres nothing wrong with being gay and if your 'friends' can't except it they arn't good friends when i found out one of my friends was a lesbian i was happy with it i still speak to her every now and then but it is hard because she moved away but their safe!!
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Postby luvva » Thu Feb 05, 2004 7:32 pm

Yeh, Fidel is right!

None of us should be labelled in the beginning. Dont worry if you are gay because it is only idiots out there that have a problem with gay people.
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Postby Fidel » Thu Feb 05, 2004 8:25 pm

thank you - no-one should tell you what you are!!!
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Postby saz » Fri Feb 06, 2004 7:45 am

No no one should tell you what to be or be horrible because you feel a certain way. I suspect you are worried about what other people are going to think but at the moment you are very unsure of your feelings and i imagine you will probably feel really different in a few months or years. In time when you have experienced different relationships hopefully things will be clearer for you.

Lots of people go through a stage of liking men or women or both. I went to an all girls school and it was inevitable that some of the girls would want to be with another girl and most people accepted that. One of my good friends went out with a girl in secret for a while (no one knew) and once she ended it realised she loved the girl she had been with, but didn't want to have relationships with women she liked men. Everyone is different and it can take a while to work out exactly how you are feeling.

Take care and dont rush things. There is no need to start a relationship up just to confirm your feelings and you should do what feels right for you. Dont let anyone pressure you into going out with someone you dont want to just to fit in because this will make you unhappy.
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Postby Enigma » Sat Feb 07, 2004 12:51 am

Please notice that the member is asking for help about determining her sexual orientation, not about the effects of labels in society.

Sexual identity is not just about physical interaction but emotional attraction too, and since there is a significant difference in how you feel about one gender compared with the other then that would lead you to perhaps categorise a preference.

In your situation at this time the appropriate label would be 'lesbian'. If in time you find you like guys as well a girls, then you could perhaps classify yourself as being 'bisexual'. You may find that the way you feel now never changes ever in your life. It might be the case that you find some attraction in males as well as females, which may not necessarily be of an equal level, or that your current feelings about women wane and fade away.

Why do you not want to be a lesbian, what makes you feel that? You are not supposed to be anything, and you do not have to do anything. Sexual orientation is not something that you can intentionally change on a conscious level. You can hide from it, you can ignore it, but you will not be able to forcefully stop having an attraction. This may sound harsh, but that is the reality.
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Postby Historybabe » Sat Feb 07, 2004 6:30 pm

thanxz all for ur help, and the reson well resons i dont really wanna b gay is because my mum is a vv strict homophbic so i dunno how she will handle it if she finds out. and i wanna grow up and have a family and get married but wiv a guy not a lass. i have told 2 off my closest m8s that i think im gay and nether of then thought any less of me soo thats ok. and maybe this could just be a stage but if its not im not that angrey about it.
again thanks alot for ur advice and help
Triciaxxxxxx
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