Feelings for another female

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Feelings for another female

Postby ela » Sat Feb 14, 2004 3:17 pm

i was confused about my sexuality and i really liked someone at my college. well the person i like is older than me and female (a lecturer). when i stared college i heard that there was a rumour that she was a lesbian. well, recently i have started to like her more and more and i have built up the courage to talk to her because she teaches one of the same subjects that i study. when she is around i catch her looking at me, and when i look she looks away, when i am with my male friends or female and giving them a hug she gives me and them a dirty look. we have bumped into each other in the toilets and been alone a few times and there is a lot of tension, i smile at her he smiles at me and we just continue to look at each other until one of us walks away, sometimes i feel she goes out of her way to talk to me or be near me, but im not sure, the only thing is i am so confused as i want her so bad but dont know what she is thinking. she teaches in the class opposit mine and throughout lectures i look over into her room and she is looking back at me! i do not know what all of this means what shall i do?
ps- please note that i am above the legal age, so i would appreciate it if no judgement was passed on the fact that she is a lecturer. she is in her very early twenties so the age gap is not really an issue or a problem.
ela
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Postby markh » Mon Feb 16, 2004 8:44 pm

Being a Christian I don't agree with lesbianism however that is not the issue here. I think you definitely need to talk to her about all this. She will respect you if you are honest with her. She seems to like you so ask her about it. If you don't say anything you may never know. If you feel comfortable in her presence then you should be able to talk to her. If it is nothing for her then you will be embarrassed for a while but you could apologise and tell her you couldn't help it because she was giving off such strong signals. So take care and good luck in whatever you decide to do.
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Postby saz » Tue Feb 17, 2004 2:57 pm

I dont think there is anything illegal in a relationship between two consenting adults but her position at college could be put at risk and this might hold her back from talking to you or making a move. I think it is more like an ethical thing that maybe the college head would frown upon.
Do you remember the situation in 'Friends' with Ross and a student? It wasn't illegal but against the rules of the contract of employment.

I dont want to put you off at all but this might explain why she seems hesitant and hasn't approached you. It seems like there is an attraction or chemistry there from what you describe of the looks and brief encounters but your only way of knowing for sure is to have a talk with her. I know this seems scary but your other options are to either carry on like this, or move on from her. If you do manage to talk to her it would be a good idea to strike up a friendship because as yet you are unsure of her sexuality (you have heard rumours).

This is a difficult situation to give advice on, because you yourself are not sure of your feelings and she may have no idea of your feelings either. I would advise talking to her, maybe on a friendship level to begin with to gain a more accurate sense of her feelings and also get to know her better. You could approach her and ask her to join you for a drink or ask her a question - this would be an ice breaker. At some point one of you has to talk to the other even if to just say hi!

I would say take things slowly and i hope things work out for you.
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