Best Friends ending up in bed when he has a girlfriend??

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Best Friends ending up in bed when he has a girlfriend??

Postby Joe_19 » Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:45 pm

Well this is the first time I've ever been on this website, never mind actually write in to it. Well, here goes... I've been a student now for 8 months and from the moment I moved in, I gelled with one of my flat mates. He and I get on so well, same interests, same course of study and same hobbies etc. Everything about it is the same. We are best friends. He's a bit of a ladies man and I like to flurt too.

So this week, we actually went with a load of friends to my home town for a night out. I showed everyone all of the best places. Me and my mate got so drunk compared to anyone else,I suggested that he stayed at my place rather than going back on the mini bus. If we went back on the mini bus, we would have definately been sick !! hehe. When everyone left we decided to have a 'one for the road' drink. Standing by the bar we saw two gay men holding hands and we started talking about gay poeple in general. I mean we've had these talks before, just as mates do in general. However, he then told me out of the blue that he was bi-curious. I was completely in shock. my best mate, probably the biggest 'male slapper' I know, tells me he is curious and wants to try it out. I told him making a joke out of it that he should wait until he gets back to my place, i meant every word I said, Im gay but I never came out to him cos he was such a mans man. He actually pulled the pint out of my hand, asked if I was serious, put my drink on the bar and said he wanted to go home to mine. I couldn't believe my luck. The guy is gorgeous.

When we got back to mine he literally ripped my clothes off and I like wise to him. He led all the way. I was loving it, but still in shock. I asked him numerous times if he was sure he wanted to do it and he 'of course I do, espically with you'. Well, we did pretty much everything except the sex. He told me that he loved it and I told him it was great too.

The next morning we didn't mention it at all. There were awkward silences and he wasn't going to bring it up, so I did !! He said that he enjoyed it but just wanted to forget it ever happened and didn't want anyone to know. I didn't know what to say. I was over the moon that I had done things with him but just felt lterrible afterwards.

It has been 3 days now since we did that and we are talking like, but it isn't a patch on what it was before. We used to tell eachother absolutely every thing, do everything together and just got on really really well. I honestly can't say how much of friends we were. But these past few days have been terrible. We've hardly talked and there is a lot of tension we we're together. We had a little chat about it for about half an hour and I told him that I had done things with a guy before, but I don't think I would unless it was with him. I asked him whether he was more worried just incase some one found out rather than actually doing something with a guy. He didn't answer me. I then wrote hima little letter. I know whether it was a childish thing to do, but it was the only way I could tell him what I really wanted to without getting flustered and making sure I said everything I meant, not mixing my words. I questioned whether he would do it again, why did he choose me, whats happenin between us as friends, loads and loads of questions. I haven't had a reply yet.

But Im writning in here cos I am really really worried that he is just going to say "forget about everything, foget about us" or something and Im going to end up loosing the best friend I have. Things between us just don't seem to be getting any better and I am really worried. Very rare I express my feelings, but I really like him and even if nothing will happen between us, I honestly don't wanna loose him as a great friend. Is there anything I could say or do to make things between us better at all? I really am worried. I would be grateful of any reply. Thanks, Joe
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Postby saz » Sun Mar 07, 2004 9:12 am

Hi Joe 19 and welcome to problem pages.

It seems to me from what you describe that your friend was taking an opportunity that came up, he wanted to do it but just to try it. Lots of people do things when they are drunk that perhaps they dont want to ever do again, but at the time it seemed right and they wanted to. People also take such risks with friends as they feel they can trust them more than a stranger. It is such a shame that this could have an effect on your friendship as it seems he would rather forget about it rather than keep talking about it.

You have to decide whether you are going to comply with his wishes to move on, not talk about it and not tell anyone or whether you cant do this until he has answered your questions. The thing is he might not know the answers apart from it seemed right at the time, right place, right person. I think this might be a lesson for both of you that drunken actions dont always show how people really feel.

At the moment he is probably a bit confused. In a short space of time he has possibly compromised a good frienship, questioned his sexuality and perhaps feels under pressure from you now. If you are confident in your feelings he might feel intimidated by this.

Perhaps for the time being you should give him some space without pressuring him for answers, and hopefully in time he will open up to you about it. If every conversation you have revolves around what happened it might be hard for him. On the other hand, dont let him walk all over you. Perhaps as friends you could put it behind you as a one off, but if he wont talk to you about it at all this isn't good as friends should be open. Dont make it a repeat experience when drunk if you aren't clear of the boundaries as this will confuse everything further.

Good luck
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
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Postby loobyloo » Sun Mar 14, 2004 12:10 pm

i dont want to say this but unfortunately it seems it has already done something to your friendship that will be hard even impossible to get back to the close friendship you had before.
I have slept with my mate on plenty of occasions (he male, me female) and lucky for me it didnt spoil our friendship BUT it hurts me loads when he is with other females and his girlfriend so being in this situation is not always as good as it seems
if u love someone let them go, of they come back it was meant to be, if they dont it was never meant to be
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