Do people see something I dont?

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Do people see something I dont?

Postby R_A_M » Mon Mar 15, 2004 4:45 pm

Im a student at university. Not long been in but still there. At first everything was allright but then things changed. I have made some good friends but things are starting to annoy me. Several people have started saying things about my sexuality. One or two people who i thought were good friends have been saying vulgar things about me, none of which are true. They keep saying I want to go with a bloke but thats extremely far from the truth. I have had relationships with women before. Before i came to uni, i had one for 9 months and saw a girl for a month while here, she stayed at home and i went to see her every weekend. she never came up to uni. Ever since then i have had 2 one night stands, all with women. I have never even approached a man, so i do not see what the problem is!. Quite frankly its annoying me. Is it out of jealousy that they are saying this?. Im frustrated because these people are friends and I dont want to do anything as in fight them. Is it the fact I dont go into relationships with these women?. Whats wrong?. Its getting me depressed and im starting to get paranoid to what people are saying. I like being young free and single with no ties.. is there a problem with that?. Help.
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Postby saz » Mon Mar 15, 2004 5:01 pm

Hi RAM welcome to Problem Pages

I would also be hurt by people being hurtful for no reason and in fact behaving really immature. Whatever you get up to is none of your business and they have no right to judge you. You shouldn't feel like you have to defend your sexuality they are obviously finding it amusing getting a rise out of you. They might know full well that it isn't even true but they enjoy winding you up.

The answer to this is dont let them wind you up. You are classing them as friends but they aren't behaving like true friends should. If they aren't going to stop their silly behaviour then perhaps it is time you found some new friends. If you feel they are true friends who just have a funny sense of humour or are trying to impress each other, things may settle down in time but you can't let this get to you. Either play them at their own game by going along with it - then what would they have to laugh at?, put them straight and tell them to pack it in!

Of course there is nothing wrong with being free and single, and you shouldn't go and get a girlfriend just to prove it to them. Try not to be so insulted by it because even if you were gay what would be so wrong with that anyway? Sometimes if people are insecure themselves they like to bully and wind up others just bear that in mind. If they are bullies then they will move on to someone else when the joke wears thin and for the meantime maybe you should spend less time with them

Good luck.
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
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Postby R_A_M » Mon Mar 15, 2004 5:30 pm

Cheers for the help!. I know im being a bit naive, its just that they are annoying me. I will not let it try and get to me, just need to roll with it. I dont mind gay people in general, its just that when they accuse me of being like it, its rather insulting. Being a typical bloke, its frustrating when people say that and makes you question yourself about, what am I doing to make them think that?. I feel that im doing nothing at all. My mates at home never say anything like that, so why up here?. Maybe its just their sick sense of humour!. My philosophy is that when making a joke about someone, its only funny once but more than that is taking it too far!. what do u think?
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Postby saz » Tue Mar 16, 2004 1:21 pm

I know what you mean about funny sense of humour. A group of friends i used to go around with took great pleasure in teasing and winding up certain mates about all sorts, being gay, fancying their mum you know the usual stuff. After a while it isnt funny and at that point you need to say enough is enough the joke has worn very thin. I used to see how frustrated these people would get trying to defend themselves and prove others wrong and it just isn't nice.

They have cottoned on that it really annoys you and are doing it all the more probably because they find this behaviour funny. It may well have nothing to do with them actually thinking that you are gay, but seeing the reaction they get from you amuses them.

Everyone at uni is trying to impress each other and it is part of that macho bravado of showing off and having a laugh. Things should settle down once the novelty of being free from home wears off and the reality of life sets in!

I would be nice but firm and ask them to stop it, it just isn't funny. If they wont stop dont let them see you are irritated they will just do it all the more. Hopefully things will stop soon!
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
saz
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Postby markh » Sat Mar 20, 2004 9:53 am

I could be on the wrong track here. It could be something to do with culture. You are studying away from home. People act differently in different parts of the country. They may be ridiculing you because you act in a certain way that they don't. They may be expecting you to conform to their way of life. It could be something stupid like your accent or your voice pitch. Some people pick up on this and say childish things. I think they will stop once they get to know you better. So just relax, be yourself and ignore it. I hope this helps but it may be all wrong. Take care and good luck.
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