Hostile environment - Feeling trapped

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Hostile environment - Feeling trapped

Postby babushka » Fri May 07, 2004 12:24 am

Hi, I've had feelings for other men for a long time now, but I've not been able to tell anybody. This hasn't bothered me before, but it's getting to the point that I can't keep hiding this anymore. I don't feel that I should have to, yet a lot of my friends at Uni are anti-gay in some way, ranging from a mild dislike to outright hatred. I feel trapped and alone, I can't talk to them as I fear risking my friendships which are so important to me. But, I don't want to be alone forever, living a lie so as to enable me to have normal social interactions with my friends.
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Postby Enigma » Fri May 07, 2004 2:27 am

So, the issue here is not with you and the acceptance of your sexual orientation but with your friends and their possible non-acceptance. That is their problem and not yours. But, although it's not your problem, it would cause your problems. I was initially inclined to comment that friends who hold such views are not worth anything, but it would be unfair to have that perspective based only on their misunderstanding of homosexuality.

If any of your friends did have a problem, by just carrying on as you are, it would be possible for you to prove to them that nothing is actually wrong with you or your sexual orientation. The reality has not changed, just the perception of it, and the perception of your friends could be changed even further and in a positive way through your educating them. Whatever happens there are people around to support you.
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Postby saz » Fri May 07, 2004 8:59 am

A lot of people have set views on things like homosexuality, but when it is closer to home as in a friend or relative their views can often change. It is easy to judge someone you dont know or disagree with their lifestyle, but when you love and care about that person it is much more difficult. They might be more accepting than you think but it may take time for them to accept it. Lots of people are scared of something they know little about and that makes people ignorant.

A lot of the anti gay talk is macho bravado - sad i know but there are so many people who do that. If they heard it at home from their parents they think they believe it, and hearing your mates say it they dont want to go against that. I have witnessed it from my own friends but when faced with a close friend who has come out, you would never think they had those views - totally crazy i know.

You will still be you and hopefully they will realise that. I would be horrified to realise a close friend had been hiding something from me or very unhappy because they were worried about my views. You can make your own decisions in life and shouldn't live a lie to please others it wont make you happy in the long run.

Good luck and i hope things work out for you.
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
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Postby daveshow » Fri May 07, 2004 12:56 pm

When you here your friends are tehy saying words like poofs and other slang words for gays? If so i think you will have to accept that these are terms straight guys use. I myself have been accused of homophobia which in a way is partally true as i dont aprove of it but if my best friend or similar was gay i wouldnt mind to be honest.You have to judge for yourself if your friends would stand by you or if they would feel threatened by your sexuality.
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