How do I tell family and friends I'm gay?

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How do I tell family and friends I'm gay?

Postby urban_dude » Tue Feb 08, 2005 7:59 pm

I dunno if I posted this in the right place or not ...

I am a 14 year old boy in the UK and am pretty sure that I am gay ...
I want to tell people about my sexuality but I can't ... alot of people in my school are 'homophobic' and would probly beat me up and my parents (especially my dad) are also against gays ...

I feel trapped because people dont know the real me and I do want them to know ... but I cant let them know :( sometimes I feel like my life isnt worth living ....

Has anyone got any ideas on how I should tell people
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Postby SugarRainbows » Tue Feb 08, 2005 8:08 pm

You definatly sure this is how you feel?
It might work if you test reactions first, just by saying 'what would you think if....'
People shouldnt bully you for being gay because its your choice, what year are you in at school? Is there anychance you finish soon so you can aviod telling them?
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Postby urban_dude » Tue Feb 08, 2005 8:26 pm

thx Im in year 10 and have a year & half left ... but i wanna let people know ...

I know they shuldnt beat me up or bully me but some people in our school are like that they are idiots .
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Postby all_apologies » Tue Feb 08, 2005 8:43 pm

School is a difficult place to be when you're gay - people are striving to be 'cool' so hard that they put others down for being different.

Don't feel that your life isn't worth living, your sexuality isn't everything. If you feel you don't want it to come out just now, keep it to yourself (at least in school). There's nothing wrong with being gay, and you may find that once you have left school you won't care nearly as much about people finding out.
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Postby saz » Tue Feb 08, 2005 10:48 pm

The pressure on you must be so difficult, but maybe it is best to say nothing to the people who dont even matter to you. You aren't fooling people or lying, you are being private. You dont have to tell anyone how you feel especially if you are scared of the reaction. In a year or so you may feel so much better equiped to find the words to tell your family. I dont think your school friends are as important as your family, and if you feel people should know, it should be them first.

If you do want to tell your family, perhaps you could talk to someone you are close to - your mum, siblings or aunty/uncle? someone that can give you support when you want to talk and help you with approaching your father. People soon realise that you are still you, nothing has changed and they love you. Good luck.
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Postby happy_harry » Wed Feb 09, 2005 6:10 am

i discovered that i was gay in high school and had to go through all the should i tell shouldn't i tell. i decided to wait for me i made the right choice not everyone at school will be as mature as you most won't be open about who they are let alone who you are.
if it is important to you at this time to tell people then tread carefully and make up a list of come backs to the jokes. if you stand strong though i think that will all die down after a while, but allow yourself to have a sense of humour about who you are so people don't feel threatened.
i'm just waffling now sorry
hope that was of some help
:)
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Postby arwen » Wed Feb 09, 2005 10:47 am

A couple of guys at my school "came out" at about 14 or 15 and didn't suffer for it. In fact I'd go so far as to say no-one batted an eyelid!
HOWEVER not all schools are like this (especially these days it seems!) and if there are idiot thugs then maybe you should take care.
But there is no reason not to confide in those you trust and who will respect your choices without silly prejudices.

I also think you should tell your family. They may well dismiss it as you "being at a funny age!" but be persistent. Ask them to sit down with you for a bit one evening, switch off the telly and say you've got something you want to talk to them about.

You seem very content in yourself, especially as you WANT to tell people and not hide away, so good for you. I hope it goes well for you.

Wishing you love and happiness. xxx
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Postby lilessexgal » Wed Feb 09, 2005 7:13 pm

are you 100% sure you feel this way! im not against it of course or anything but what i mean is your feelings can change for different sexualitys through your growing stages and of course in that your still quite young so if your not 100% sure i would wait just in case you tell everyone you are and then decide your not.
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Postby lewis collins » Wed Feb 09, 2005 7:40 pm

Why do you feel the need to tell them? Do you think you would act different just because they know your gay? What difference does it make?
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Postby BlueRayman » Thu Feb 10, 2005 4:23 pm

I'm gonna give you the advice I would give somebody going to my old school, if you'd anything different about you you were a "target".

I'd think long and hard about this because once its out there you can't take it back. People are cruel especially the ones in school, any level of torment you get can stick with you for a long time to come.

I'd think long and hard before making yourself a target especially as hate a one as "the gay kid at school".

I had a hard time when i was in high school but that way 4 or 5 years back and the people I went to school with were really cruel and gave me hell, don't get me wrong I had friends and not everybody hated me by any stretch of the imagination, but was one or two gay guys are school and they got hell off just about everybody.

This is the sort of situation where only you can really know whats best to do because only you can try to tell how the people in your life will take it.

I was lucky then I told my friends and family I was bi they weren't really that surprised, but that was a few years after high school and not the same people i knew back then.

The bottom line only you can really answer this one I'm afraid. But if your really sure I prohaps tell a very trust worthy female friend first, if you have one person in your corner its gonna make life alot easier.

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Postby arwen » Thu Feb 10, 2005 4:27 pm

Basically the issue here is what the repercussions might be from your peers. I've been thinking about this and if there's a chance you could be putting your safety in jeopardy maybe it's best to stay schtum for now.

I know you shouldn't have to (Lord this is the 21st century!!) BUT if there are homophobic thugs at your school I'd hate to think of you making yourself a target for them, as Rayman quite rightly points out.

I can't see a problem with you telling those closest to you as long as they haven't got big blabbing mouths!
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Postby arwen » Thu Feb 10, 2005 4:29 pm

As Eddie Izzard said, people are entitled to be homophobic, as long as they're homophobic behind closed doors and don't hurt anyone...

LOL :D
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Postby Moose » Fri Feb 11, 2005 4:04 pm

I agree with Happy_Harry about having a sense of humour - the people you do tell will be much more relaxed about it with you. That is what i have found anyway.

If you're not 100% sure, tell one person who you can really trust, and see where your feelings take you. The more people you tell, the more you'll have to un-tell if your feelings change.

I'm only saying that because unless you're totally sure of what you want, you might find yourself asking Am I Gay? Am I Bi? Oh God, I feel straight today! No, I'm gay again....

I have been in your position, so I'm not just talking nonsense (I don't think I am anyway)
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Postby Fidel » Fri Feb 11, 2005 4:09 pm

Growing up at school always being different is something I had to do too (different kind of different though if you get me). At first it feels terrible but then you start to feel unique and most people apart from those empty-head "trendy" idiots will respect you for being different, At my last school there was 3 people who i knew to be gay and they didn't get much flak for it




Edited 13/02/05 by all_apologies: please do not swear
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Postby matchbox 20 » Fri Feb 11, 2005 4:53 pm

Yeah.... the "gay and proud" people i know are quite popular in their group of friends, it's if you have a problem with being called gay and go to measures to not being called it, will only make people take the mick even more. Be proud of who you are :)

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