Am I bisexual?

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Am I bisexual?

Postby elmo24 » Mon Feb 14, 2005 12:07 am

In my usual state of confusion...

What does it mean to be bisexual?

I've always had boyfriends in the past and have been happy - things have felt totally normal.

Recently though my best friend and I fell in love with each other. We kiss a lot and are very affectionate with each other, and that also feels totally normal - in some ways I feel more attracted (especially sexually) towards her.

Does this mean I'll never be entirely happy with either sex, i.e. if I marry a bloke, I'll miss being with a girl?

Can anyone identify with me?

:-? any advice would be fab
All you need is love...
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Postby Loopy » Mon Feb 14, 2005 1:35 pm

What you've described does sound like bisexuality to me, or the nearest thing to it!

I can't identify with you but I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you feel, maybe one day you will meet Mr. Right, who will mean as much to you as your girlfriend, and if you don't, then who cares?

As long as you are happy, that is all that matters.
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Postby BlueRayman » Mon Feb 14, 2005 4:39 pm

No its doesn't work like that don't worry!

I'm bi and if I'm goin out with a girl, well I'm goin out with a girl and having "straight" sex thats just as good as if I'm with a guy and having "gay" sex and vice versa.

Say I'm going out with a girl I wouldn't be any more likely to cheat on her with a guy, than a would another girl. Just becauses I've "got" a girl.

Hope that make sense?!
---Ray

- Oh I'm not a cheat before everybody calls me one
It takes more than a bullet to stop fate.
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Postby arwen » Mon Feb 14, 2005 4:47 pm

Only you can decide how you really feel hun. I don't know your age but a lot of people do go through a stage in their life of experimentation which is fine. It's up to you to work out what feels right for you.
Personally I don't think we can help who we fall in love with. I wish you lots of luck and happiness xxx
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Postby Moose » Mon Feb 14, 2005 7:46 pm

Hi Elmo,

I replied to your problem before 'downtime' when you and your friend first started getting closer, so forgive me if I am repeating myself.

Do you actually fancy any other girls, or have you ever fancied any other girls? Do you really ever fancy blokes, or do you only ever go out with them because that's what's supposed to happen, and you don't really think about it? Are you and your friend in a relationship now? I had a relationship with my best friend (who is no longer my best friend now and claims to be STRAIGHT - and if you're reading this, you broke my heart, damn you! :roll: ) and it was so good because we were such good friends and knew each other so well. I consider myself to be bi, although I have never had a good relationship with a bloke (they were all ok in my opinion, nothing more) and have only ever really loved girls. This is because I truly believe that if I met a guy I was really close to, we could have that same relationship.

I think you and I are about the same age (earlyish 20s), and I don't think it is a crime to not know exactly what you want at our age. I think I am bi, but I might be gay - I don't really know - and I don't want to know. Do you really need to know what you are? If you and your friend are in love, relish it. If you fall out of love with her, and then fall for a bloke, relish that. And if you only ever fall in love with blokes after her, what does that mean? That you were always straight, but liked your friend?

Sexuality is too confusing, and I think I've gone off on one - but I just wanted to tell you that I know how you feel. I've just stopped trying to work it all out now.

*reindeer1*
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Postby helenisagoddess » Mon Feb 14, 2005 8:28 pm

I'm bisexual and I went through a long period of confusion, sometimes I thought I was a lesbian then I decided I was straight.
Perhaps you're just bicurious?
I'm going out with a guy who I am in love with. When you're in love you don't miss what you can't have any more. Its like a straight girl missing an ex-boyfriend. It just doesn't happen, doesn't even occur to you. Monogomy is fulfilling in itself, you neither want nor need anyone else.
Even if you did, you must be pretty open-minded to have allowed yourself to fall in love with your best friend, in which case, having settled down there's always the possiblity of a threesome or being with a girl while your partner watches. Loads of people would enjoy that stuff. Obviously don't bring it up at the beginning of a relationship but keep your mind open to the possibility.
Too many young people these days worry aobut their sexuality. Who cares really? As long as you're happy I don't see the point in hurrying to make a decision when its about something as important as who you are.
Good luck.
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Postby elmo24 » Mon Feb 14, 2005 9:27 pm

Thanks guys - you've all been such a help :) it's always a relief to know there's people who understand. I shall not try to label myself!!!

I was with a bloke for 4 years (from when I was 19-23) but recently because of distance issues and not getting on as well, we decided to give ourselves a break and separate for a while. That said we agreed that when we're at a point when we might be able to move back to the same city, we might try again. Keep it open like.

But at the back of my mind I think we'll get back together but I don't know if that's cos I'm holding on to how things were before I moved away. He's not very good at distance-he didn't always call me/visit me when he said he would and sometimes it would really upset me that he couldn't organise himself, especially if it was a special occasion or if I needed him...sometimes I've got to the point where I've felt that he doesn't respect or love me. But, when we were together, things were great.

Whereas my best mate seems to be so much more in tune with me (maybe cos she's a girl??) - I don't see as many problems with us. And I'm so much more attracted to her. But at the back of my mind I'm still wondering whether I shouldn't be with her as it might ruin the chance of getting back with my bloke again #-o I don't want to hurt her - I love her so much :roll:
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dont beat yourself up!

Postby just_me » Tue Feb 15, 2005 3:39 pm

Theres no need to put a label on yourself. You dont need to be gay, traight, bisexual or bicurious, and im sure there are more labels than that. Sexuality is fast becoming a thing of the past.

If you are straight then you dont fancy every man who walks past, same as if you are gay you dont fancy every woman that walks past, it's not about gender. It's about people being individuals. You dont sleep with men or women, you sleep with people and everyone is a person in their own right.

I believe that you should not cut out 50% of the population while looking for your soulmate. and whatever you decide you are, if sexuality does indeed exist, then dont hide yourself away, come out to everyone and people will accept you for who you are.

Tell me if you think I am talking bull jelly, but I hope this helps.
just me xox
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Re: dont beat yourself up!

Postby all_apologies » Tue Feb 15, 2005 3:53 pm

just_me wrote: Sexuality is fast becoming a thing of the past.


I think that's a good stance to take. From personal experience, I am fast becoming aware that I am attracted (both physically and mentally) to the person rather than the gender.

I can never decide whether I'm in love with the girls I like, or whether I just love them because I'm close to them. Yet it doesn't feel odd or abnormal for me to feel this way about females, so I'm just learning to accept (with the help of other PP members!) that sexuality isn't as clear cut as we'd like to think.

"Sexuality is fluid. Whether you're gay or you're straight, you just go with the flow." :D
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Postby elmo24 » Tue Feb 15, 2005 6:43 pm

I can definitely identify with all of this - I am attracted to the person, regardless of gender. It's been hard though cos I've never felt like this before about a girl...I think in the beginning I was trying to label myself and convinced myself I needed to make a decision. Thanks to you guys I don't feel I have to now...sooo glad I posted this!
Cheers everyone :wink:
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Postby just_me » Thu Feb 17, 2005 1:09 am

well im certainly glad you have realised this and if my previous post contributed in any way then i am glad i posted it, because i feel strongly about this, and sexuality is a matter of opinion not a matter of fact!
:P
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