How does she test the water??

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How does she test the water??

Postby Lilly1 » Fri Mar 04, 2005 5:01 pm

Hiya All,

A Girl/friend has just confided in me that she has feeling towards women. After the initial shock I thought well thats fine, she is still the same person and I have nothing against people who like the same sex. The only problem is that she really likes this girl but she doesnt know if she is that way inclined. Normally im like just go for it you never know till you try but for some reason I feel really protective over her and really dont want her to get hurt.

Can anyone recommend how she can test the water with this girl?

Many Thanks!
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Postby arwen » Fri Mar 04, 2005 5:21 pm

It depends really how well she knows the girl, and also how she knows her. What I mean is, if it's someone she works with for example, and it turns out your friend comes on to her and the other girl isn't that way inclined, as you put it, would your friend be able to deal with the potential awkwardness and embarrassment it may cause?

Has she already "come out" to anyone other than you? If her sexuality is common knowledge then it would probably be easier for her to approach the other girl.

I really don't know what else to suggest other than for her to get to know this girl she likes, find out whether she is "with" someone and gradually work around to telling her how she feels. Sometimes the only option is to go for it!
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Postby Lilly1 » Fri Mar 04, 2005 5:31 pm

I hope I didnt sound affensive when I say "that way inclined", I didnt meen for it to sound mean at all!

This girl is just a friend of a friend and she's only met her a few times, she says that she feels really connected when shes with her and they are quite touchy feely but so am I and im not into the ladies!!

She hasnt told anyone else about this and I therefore am really worried on what advice to give her cause if it doesnt work out it would all be down to me and the last thing I want is for her to get hurt.

x
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Postby Moose » Fri Mar 04, 2005 6:48 pm

In my limited experience, the best way to find out if another girl likes other girls is to either ask them up front (not always the best option), or to gradually drop hints into the conversation.

Someone recently asked me the dreaded question by saying "have you got a chap?" and when I said no, asking "Or a chap-ess?!"

It was all very light hearted and didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all.
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Postby Lorelei » Fri Mar 04, 2005 9:20 pm

I would entirely agree with Moose. If your friend tells this girl how she feels, she could be opening herself up to a negative response. A lighthearted question about her love-life, or her sexual preference, could be the best way to go! Or maybe she could ask her what famous people she fancies!
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Postby Lilly1 » Sat Mar 05, 2005 2:06 pm

Maybe your right, she should just come out and ask her. I am just a bit concerned as to what she might say, I just dont want my friend to be really hurt and hide herself away from it.

Thanks for your advice guys!

xx
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