Girlfriend or Boyfriend - who should I choose?

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Girlfriend or Boyfriend - who should I choose?

Postby elmo24 » Mon Mar 07, 2005 5:34 pm

Some of you may remember my previous posts on my general confusion about my sexuality. A few months ago because of long-distance pressures my boyfriend and I decided to split-up/take a break whatever until we have a chance of being in the same city again (probably in about 2 years). My best friend and I had been very close for a while and although nobody else knows, we became a lot closer (if you know what I mean). I'm so in love with her and I feel like I may have found my soulmate.

The problem is, now I think my boyfriend wants us to try and make it work long-distance - he wants us to meet up soon. I think he still sees us as being together. I don't know what to do because I'm happy with things the way they are - I want to explore my sexuality and see if my best friend is who I'd rather be with, but on the other hand, I'm afraid if I tell him I want to keep things as they are, he will suspect something or I'll lose him. I know it's selfish :oops: but I do still love him and if in 2 years things are good between us, I might want to get back with him.

What should I do? :-?
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Postby nothings_shocking » Mon Mar 07, 2005 5:37 pm

First of all you need to find out if your friend sees you both together.
I'm not saying your guy should be second best but i think you need to be open about everything with him first before you make a decision.
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Postby Lilly1 » Mon Mar 07, 2005 5:43 pm

I personally am not a fan of "Long Distance Relationships" and it takes a very strong couple to make them work. If you think you are then maybe you should go for it but personally I think you should live for today, two years is a very long time and people change so much, what would happen if you leave it with the person that is making you happy at the moment and wait for two years and the guy has changed into something you dont like??

Do you really love this guy??
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Postby elmo24 » Mon Mar 07, 2005 5:45 pm

But if I tell him I'm questioning my sexuality he might run a mile and I'll lose him forever, plus if it turns out to be nothing, i.e. I'd rather be with a guy, he might always be paranoid that I want a girl??
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Postby elmo24 » Mon Mar 07, 2005 5:47 pm

I do love him but maybe I'm holding on to the dreams we had (been tog 4 years). I want to get married and have a family....but my girl is amazing - I'd say we have a better connection. :-?
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Postby Lilly1 » Mon Mar 07, 2005 5:55 pm

From that it doesnt sound like you are really really IN love with him, maybe you love him and are scared of letting go altogether. I thought I would always love my 1st love, and even though he cheated on me with my mate I still did love him for a long time after that. Now I dont even think about him at all. People will come and go in your life, what is making you happy at the moment, the thought of you being with your ex or the thought of you being with your friend?
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Postby jimmy » Mon Mar 07, 2005 7:44 pm

i'm not saying a lebian relationship is wrong but if your after a family being with a girl might have some problems and might need to addopt.plus how would your children who you addopted feel when in this type of relationship.

sometimes you have to pick which is best for you in the long run and think of the possibilities and advtantages. you might feel a connection with this girl and get on well but arn't we all like that when we see someone new? give it a long hard think but remember the perosn you are most happy with is not alllways the person you want to share your life with.
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Postby elmo24 » Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:32 pm

Lilly1 wrote:People will come and go in your life, what is making you happy at the moment, the thought of you being with your ex or the thought of you being with your friend?


The thought of being with my friend. I suppose I feel I owe my boyfriend something though because we said we'd always be together and I don't want to ruin that. Maybe he is who I'm meant to be with...wish I could see into the future!!

To answer jimmy, the connection with my friend isn't recent - we've had this amazing connection since we first met 2 years ago.
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Postby arwen » Tue Mar 08, 2005 11:05 am

I think only you can decide what you want - there is no right or wrong answer. It's your choice at the end of the day.

Maybe it would help if you wrote down your feelings about each of them and compare notes - I know that sounds awful but it may help to get things clear in your head.

Whatever you decide I wish you lots of love and happiness xxx
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Postby elmo24 » Tue Mar 08, 2005 6:59 pm

Thanks Arwen I might give that a try....hope it helps sort out my messy head! :roll:
Cheers guys xx
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