Guilty

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Guilty

Postby snowy » Thu May 26, 2005 10:47 pm

I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 7 months now and we get on great.

But I'm starting to feel guilty. We are both girls.

I'm starting to feel the guilt of being in a gay relationship.

My family don't know about us but my friends are very supportive.

Maybe it's just an amalgamation of everything else I'm going through right now but it hurts.

I don't want to break up our relationship, I'd rather make a good go of it.

How can I relieve myself of this guilt? :-?
Fall seven times, stand up eight.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning & loving the world all over again. That’s what takes a real hero.
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Postby all_apologies » Thu May 26, 2005 11:04 pm

Why do you feel guilty? Is it because you're hiding it from your family or because you think there's something wrong with being gay?
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Postby Lorelei » Thu May 26, 2005 11:13 pm

Anything that you're not entirely open about will play on your mind until it becomes a 'guilty secret'. Is there any way that you could tell your family? It may not be what you want to hear, but I think that coming out would go a long way towards lessening your feelings of guilt. Lying to your loved ones would make anyone feel bad.

It's great that you have supportive friends around you. Do you have other gay friends that you could turn to for advice? It would be very useful to you to hear how other people went about breaking the news to their families.

I remember your topic in 'Mental Wellbeing' and I know that you have needed to rely on your girlfriend for support through a lot of problems lately. Are you absolutely sure that you're still happy in the relationship? If you felt that she was no longer right for you, you might feel guilty about having doubts after all that you've been through together, and you might confuse those feelings with guilt about your sexual orientation. Just be honest with yourself.

If you and your girlfriend are genuinely in love, you should make every effort to bite the bullet and tell the people in your life about her. If anybody has a problem with what makes you happy, it's not your problem. Hope everything works out. xxx
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Postby snowy » Fri Jun 17, 2005 9:39 pm

Lorelei wrote:
I remember your topic in 'Mental Wellbeing' and I know that you have needed to rely on your girlfriend for support through a lot of problems lately. Are you absolutely sure that you're still happy in the relationship? If you felt that she was no longer right for you, you might feel guilty about having doubts after all that you've been through together, and you might confuse those feelings with guilt about your sexual orientation. Just be honest with yourself.


That makes alot of sense. Unfortunately anytime I've brought up the subject of possibly ending things between us she starts crying and gets very upset. She is really in love with me and it breaks my heart to see her upset. I'm worried that things might not feel right between us at the moment because of the way my life is and how my mind has been lately.
I love her but I don't think I'm IN love with her.

I think I know what I have to do. :(
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Postby Liquidius » Sat Jun 18, 2005 5:55 pm

I think you do indeed. Dragging a relationship on longer than it needs to isnt a good idea - you need to consider your feelings too :) Remember that.

You'll make the right decision!
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Postby snowy » Sat Jun 18, 2005 6:47 pm

But I'm stalling because I think that I might only feel this way because I'm suffering from depression. I'm very confused. :-? Maybe a break is in order until I sort my head out.
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Postby loopylou » Sat Jun 18, 2005 8:16 pm

My doctor always told me dont make any big sort of decisions while suffering from depression, i found this hard to do because sometimes we just have to make decisions.

but maybe your own idea of a break is a good idea, explain to her that you depression is making things really unclear for you and you would like to go on a break till your mind is a little bit clearer.

Your depression could be one reason why your feeling unsure of things with her, or they could jsut be your normal feelings but i think when youve got depression its hard to distinguish between how you would really feel and how you feel because of the depression.
it all depends on how you feel deep down, maybe you know what is right deep down but are doubting yourself because of your depression or because you dont want to hurt you, you just have to do what you feel is right..and best for you.
Dont forget to keep smiling :)
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Postby snowy » Sun Jun 19, 2005 5:33 pm

I broke up with her last night. We cried and cried. She says that she understands and knows it is the best thing for me and my state of mind at the moment. She wants us to remain the best friends that we are and keep supporting each other. I'm so grateful that she understands how I feel and that she is willing to let me go if it means that I am happier. It broke my heart to see her pretty eyes fill with tears and her face break up in pain. I never thought I was capable of hurting someone so much.
I knew breaking up with her would be hard but I didn't realise how much I will miss her even if we stay friends. It's the little things that I will miss the most, like she said "I'll miss you coming up behind me in the bookshop and squeezing my hand.", or " playing with the rips in your jeans." At this point I broke down as our whole 7 month relationship flashed before me and all the little things I loved about her but never noticed before stood out in glorious technicolour.

Sorry for rambling but my first serious relationship has just come to a close..........

:cry:
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Postby snowy » Mon Jun 20, 2005 3:07 pm

She's gone to work and I'm alone for the first time since the break up. We are going to stay friends because we were friends berfore we got together and I don't see why that should change.

My head is a mess. I miss her so much.

I think I might be scared of relationships in general. I get that feeling of claustrophobia and then envision the rest of my life stretching out ahead with this person. It's not that I don't want that person in my life, it's just that a lack of variety scares me. I thrive on new experiences, new places and new people. Being in a relationship winds down the window on flirting, being with other people etc.

Maybe I'm just too young to be in a relationship this intense. I am only 21 and she was my first girlfriend. I'd dated a few boys but never wanted a relationship with any of them.

I think I may have just jumped into the deep end with this relationship before I had learned how to swim. (She was my first kiss even!)
Maybe this is the time for me to go back and date other people, test the waters and learn how to swim. Then I might be prepared to be in a relationship proper.

As for the gay aspect, I think it could be time to talk to my mother. I'm sure she knows already but as anyone who knows about my problems from other threads will realise that it might be risky and send my mother back to the drink if she can't handle my confession. I need to rebuild the relationship I have with my mother regardless of anything else.

But most of all I think it's time I learned to accept my sexuality, whether it's bi or gay and start to explore who I am as a person and where I want to go in my life.

Phew! *jumps from therapist's sofa*

Any thoughts?
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Postby BlueRayman » Mon Jun 20, 2005 6:53 pm

You could just drop it into conversation, if she asks wot your doing one night just say oh i'm going on a date with (insert girls name) like its completely normal.

I know when i told my parents i was bi...lol i did it after my grans funnal, not the best time but i thought well everybody is already upset. Deep down you know your mum and you should be able to guage her reaction and the best way to approch it.

As for your ex, it seems like you have stronger feelnig for her that you realized, i'm not saying that you did the wrong thing but maybe take your time before jumping back into the dating game.

I really hope it all works out for ya
---Ray
It takes more than a bullet to stop fate.
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Postby snowy » Tue Jun 21, 2005 4:56 am

Cheers Ray.

Think I am suffering from commitment phobia. It all makes so much sense to me now. Doesnt change how I feel but it's nice to put a name on it and know that there are other people out there who feel the same.

There's only one thing I can do. [-o<
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