I'm confused about my sexuality

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I'm confused about my sexuality

Postby xxconfusedxx » Sun May 29, 2005 10:57 am

im really confused at the moment i am 14 and i think i am bisexual! im not sure how i know because i havent had a proper boyfriend or girlfriend but i get really strong feelings for girls that last like 3 months! i kept reading that it is just a phase everyone goes through but mines lasted about a year now. i dont know how to tell anyone how im feeling! i get crushes on just about everyone celebs friends and even teachers.....i still get crushes on boys aswell though! and everytime agirl brushes past me in a crowd... even that turns me on a little please somebody help, i really dont think this is a phase!! :(
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Postby Liquidius » Sun May 29, 2005 11:00 am

Well, it could be a phase - but then it might not be :) I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet, give it another year or so. If you're still feeling the same, perhaps it isnt a phase!
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Postby xxconfusedxx » Sun May 29, 2005 11:11 am

i dont think i can wait another year..... i really want to do something about it but icant because i cant let anyone know. i cant concerntrate in lessons my grades are going down!!!! i really dont know what to do!!
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Postby Moose » Sun May 29, 2005 11:52 am

You say you want to do something about it - what sort of something? Unfortunately if you are bisexual, there's not a lot you can do!

What you're going through is really common, although that doesn't make it any easier to bear. I started feeling like you when I was about 11, and it kept coming and going in phases.......now it's back with avengeance (I'm 22) and I have just accepted it. I didn't tell anyone until I was 15, and that was a girl I was seeing.

I would be very careful about telling your friends at this stage, as you're not sure yourself, and if it all changes, then you will have to un-tell people, which is almost worse than telling them. That said, keeping something like that to yourself is really very hard, and I know what you mean about feeling distracted by it all the time. It's always on your mind, and the fact that you can't really discuss it makes it seem all the more intense.

Only tell someone if you feel you can totally trust them, and to be honest, I would suggest telling someone more mature, who isn't going to rush off to tell someone else. Possibly an older sister or auntie?

It's easier said than done, I know, but try to relax about it, because you can't change it. Just let the feelings come and go.
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Postby xxconfusedxx » Sun May 29, 2005 1:19 pm

by doing something...im no really sure what i meen. i hevent really had any experience with either sex so i guess i wont really know for sure what i am untill im older. i dont think there really is anyone i can tell thats the problem. i dont even trust my best friend. i know one of my mates in my school who has admitted to friend of mine that she;s cunfused about her sexuality but then denies it to anyone else. i could tell her but im not sure how to or what she will say but i guess if she is going through the same thing it may help??? it is alot harder to tell sum1 than it seems though!
thank you for all your help anyway!
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Postby xxconfusedxx » Sun May 29, 2005 1:31 pm

i just want to add one more thing that has been getting me down aswell.
i have had a crush on this girl at my school for about 5 months now and she has admitted she is bi. she hardly even notices me but i get butterflies in my tummy when im near her! when its the holidays i sort of 4get about my feelings for her but when i come back they all come flooding back. i dont know if i just really really like her because she is bi or wether i just really do like her!
its really hard for me i cant stop thinking about her and there is a part of me that always thinks what im thinking is wrong!
i havent had any experience as ive already said so.... how do u know when a crush stops becoming a crush and starts to become love?
nobody has any idea how big these feelings are i think about her every minute of every day and every night. i dont know what to do!
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Postby all_apologies » Sun May 29, 2005 3:58 pm

Hey, I can completely relate to what you're saying and do understand how it can take over your life. I'm in a similar situation regarding confused sexuality. I'm 19 now and have felt this way since I was 11, the feelings becoming progressively stronger as I got older. Because of the timescale I'm beginning to accept that I'm at least bisexual (with preference to women). This acceptance has come about largely thanks to using this website, and although my original post from around a year ago was lost in down-time, you might find it interesting to read this one:My big, gay problem.
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Postby xxconfusedxx » Sun May 29, 2005 7:47 pm

thanks that helps alot. i am exactly the same with your 1,2,3 thing aswell!
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Postby Moose » Sun May 29, 2005 7:49 pm

Unfortunately, guilt is a massive part of the whole gay/bi thing, even though there's nothing wrong with it. Let's face it, who actually wants to be gay or bi? Does all_apologies? I doubt it. Do I? Definitely not. I'd love to be one of those girls who just wants to get a nice boyfriend and introduce them to her parents, and settle down. But it's not to be.

There's a girl in my office who's 20, and has just got engaged to her boyfriend of 3 years. If something goes wrong in her relationship, she'll be able to talk about it openly with anyone she chooses, whithout fear of prejudice. I am actually jealous in a way - I'll never have that sort of thing.

From what you've said, I wouldn't tell your mates at school. The friend of yours who is confused told your other friend in confidence (I would have thought) and now you know. How did that happen? If you haven't got anyone to talk to, come on here and write in this thread, or PM someone who knows what you're going through (me, for example!). But DON'T talk to the wrong person, or you'll regret it.
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Postby xxconfusedxx » Mon May 30, 2005 11:08 am

the person that my friend told obviously was the wrong person to tell and thats what im afraid of. do your parents know?
thanks for all your help anyway i will pm you next time your on.
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Postby seksiclaire » Wed Jun 22, 2005 9:21 pm

hey, im in exactly the same situation only im 18 but i suppose that doesnt matter. ever since i was 11 iv found that woman turn me on sexually, as well as men. at first i thought it was a phase and that it would pass, and while i was in relationships with lads the feelings did fade but im in a relationship with a lad now and the feelings havent gone away, 7 years later, although i havent told anyone about this. dont worry u will know soon enough, love me xxx
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Postby mattsglobe » Thu Oct 20, 2005 10:38 pm

well, im also bisexual so i can relate, althouh i havn't gone public with my sexuality yt so i can't be ure if what im saying is good advice, im 15 so im a similair age. all i'l say is if you need to confine into somebdy chose a very close prson such as a bfriend, i have a close friend who i could confine but you should always be careful, once you told you no longer have a hold.
nobody's perfect
so lets all be a nobody
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Postby psycho*jadey » Fri Feb 10, 2006 8:08 pm

hey. I had the same problem a while ago, and I kinda fancied my best friend. So I joined another forum where there were bisexuals and lesbians and I met my gf on there. That obviously helped me sort my head out. But you do need to talk to someone about it, either someone close to you, or maybe even just someone from here, just so you can get your feelings out. There's nothing wrong with being bi

edited by peecee - please do not use text talk. Ta.
if i can see it then i can do it. if i believe it theres nothing 2 it.
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Postby bellajennie » Sat Feb 11, 2006 2:31 am

I can catagorically say between the ages of 13 and 18 I thought the world was going to end, but looking back it seems so different.

I went through the whole bisexual thing as well and I thought that it was this that was getting me down. But the real truth seems to be that being a teenager is hard work anyway, regardless of whether you are confused about your sexuality and so this may be adding to the unhappiness that you are feeling.

I know it doesn't help much now, but as you get older you start to become more openminded (hopefully) and you meet people who are more liberal and accepting. I felt exactly as you did, and perhaps I am lucky because I fell head over with my first partner and am now completley in love with a woman.

When something feels right you just know about it, so there's little point in trying to think about whether it will before hand. Try and concentrate on all the fun things about life when you're 14 - when you get away with making mistakes and being wrong about things, and have the most fun being right!

Sorry if this is rambling babble, but it's just because i empathise!

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Postby evanescence_x » Tue Oct 03, 2006 2:54 pm

Okay, well I've read every post in this topic, and I went through the exact same thing as you did 2 years ago. I'm the same age as you know.

I was very close friends with this girl, and had feelings for her before she told me she was bisexual. Everytime I was near her my stomach did soumersaults and I could not get her off my mind (still can't :wink: )

After I knew she was bisexual, I felt like it was okay for me to accept that I was too. I texted her (wussy I know) and told her that I was bi too. After that we got closer, and I eventually managed to tell her I fancied her. And then we got together, and it is fantastic.

Pointless for me to post that I suppose, but when I felt like you do it made me feel better to know I wasn't alone.

If I was in your shoes again, I would probably try to make friends with this girl first, like sitting next to her in any lessons you might share, or just smiling and saying hi to her. When you become her friend, your feelings might just dissapear :| that happened to me before with guys :s

Are you the only one who this girl has told that she is bisexual? Because if you are, it's probably a signal she wants you to say the same thing to her.

Well I'd just go for it, see what happens. You only live once right?

Later
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