want her but cant have her!

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want her but cant have her!

Postby johnsmuths » Sat Jul 16, 2005 9:12 pm

right, ive been in school with this girl since the start of Y7 (now in Y11) but only really been friends with her since Y8/9. i have fancied her so much since we have become good friends. its so frustrating coz 1st time round she woz givin off all da signals dat she wanted me, askd her out, she sez no. so i found it hard to let her go coz she is so perfect for me. so i've fancied her like mad all this time but just recently she told me that she was a lesbian.well and truly gutted again and im still finding it hard to let her go coz shes perfect for me, n again shes givin off da signals.wot shud i do? im so down about the whole thing its makin her feel a bit down coz she knows how i feel about her. im just so down about everything to do with girls coz i'v not had a g/f 4 2 years. girls see more as a friend that a b/f. :( not how i want it!
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Postby luvva » Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:34 pm

Welcome to Problem Pages!

Okay, well I wouldn't want to say she was wrong or didn't know for herself, but if she is also in year 11 and ages 15/16 she could have many different thoughts on her sexuality. A lot of people don't make their mind up properly until they are in their twenties, and even after that, people do change their minds.

Saying that, I don't think you should just wait and hope that she may decide she isn't actually a lesbian. I know it must be hard to let go of someone, especially if you feel they are perfect for you, but it's just something you have to do.

I'm sure when you leave school you'll be meeting a lot of different people, and this girl will still be in your head, but you should keep yourself open to other options and get to know other girls.

It sounds like you are quite close, so you don't have to think of it as not havign her as a girlfriend, but as you havign a really great friend! :)
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Postby Martin_UK » Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:42 pm

Hey, the one thing to remember is that if you're freinds you havnt lost her, she must like you and for her to get down because she knows how you feel shows that she cares about you.

Also dont worry about not having a girlfriend for 2 years!! I have never had a girlfriend and im 18!! So dont sweat it man :)
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Postby luvva » Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:48 pm

Martin_UK wrote: Also dont worry about not having a girlfriend for 2 years!! I have never had a girlfriend and im 18!! So dont sweat it man :)


Yea, I forgot to mention that! Doesn't matter how many girlfriends you've had. Better to wait and find someone nice then just date anyone.
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Postby bkukat » Sun Jul 17, 2005 8:56 am

Basically would say the same as Luvva and Martin, she maynot want you as a boyfriend, but she is still a damn good friend from what your saying. And you will meet girls, like luvva said keep your mind open, as you leave school and goto college you'll meet tonnes of new people
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Postby Liquidius » Sun Jul 17, 2005 9:00 am

Well, its not your fault that she happens to be a lesbian. I know you might want a girlfriend, but some people go much longer than 2 years without one! :) It's more hassle than its worth if you ask me hehe...

I think you should try very hard to move on, and find someone who would feel the same way about you. She can't really make it any clearer to you that she doesn't feel for you in that way.
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Re: want her but cant have her!

Postby problemguru » Sun Jul 17, 2005 10:34 am

hiya i have a few pointers
if you have a prom or maybe a dance coming up ask her to come with you and if she says no sorry i told you i was a lezbian just say i no just as friends and maybe somethink might happen

if she turns you down just ask another girl who wants to go and has got no one to go with to make her feel that shes missed a good oppatunity then she may be jelouse and try to get with you

i dont think she is a lesbian but i got told its a phase what girls go through at an older age it only happens for a short while

dont worry signed : problemguru xxxxxx
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Re: want her but cant have her!

Postby Moose » Sun Jul 17, 2005 2:28 pm

problemguru wrote:if you have a prom or maybe a dance coming up ask her to come with you and if she says no sorry i told you i was a lezbian just say i no just as friends and maybe somethink might happen


If you do that, and she says, look, I told you I'm a lesbian, then really, don't go through with it hanging on to the hope that something might happen, or she will get really annoyed with you.

problemguru wrote:if she turns you down just ask another girl who wants to go and has got no one to go with to make her feel that shes missed a good oppatunity then she may be jelouse and try to get with you


If she's really gay, she won't be jealous, she'll be pleased for you if she's your mate!

Advice saying just be her friend is good. If she has told you she is a lesbian, the chances are, she is. And even if she's not going to be a lesbian forever, as some people seem to think, then she certainly thinks she is now, so I don't think you have much choice other than to let go and just be friends.
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Postby luvva » Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:27 am

Yea, um few different views in here!

Not sure how clear my post is, I didn't mean in anyway way that this girl saying she was a lesbian was just a phase, just that at 15/16 I think a lot of people will be feeling different things and wanting to try different things, so she COULD change her mind, but I wouldn't cling on to that thought, just in the hope that she does.
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Postby all_apologies » Mon Jul 18, 2005 11:36 am

I think that having actually come out to you she must be pretty certain that she's gay. It's all very well thinking you might be gay quietly to yourself, but to actually come out to someone shows that she's thought a lot about it and is sure of herself.

Just be careful she's not using it as an excuse. I've known two girls in the past who told guys that they were gay to stop them pestering them. I'm not saying this is the case with you, as it would probably become pretty apparent since you're close friends. But for now I'd say leave it, as either way she's not interested in having a relationship with a guy right now.
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Postby singingsmiler » Mon Jul 18, 2005 11:42 am

Hey hun,
It's really hard to deal with wanting someone and them not returning the same feelings. You say that you feel she is giving off the signals - are you sure she isn't just being flirty in a friends kind of way - as you have been friends for a very long time.

I can't tell you whether she is gay or ont but she has chosen to tell you so you are obviously an important friend to her.

As hard as it is she doesn't want a relationship. It will hurt for a while hun but you will meet more people when you leave school and you may find someone else you like.

You seem really good friends and it's much better to maintain this friendship than push her away.

Hugs
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