Am I weird?

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Am I weird?

Postby Secret_days » Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:48 pm

So, this is gonna sound really weird but it's been troubling me for a long time. I know these 3 women: one is my teacher, one is a youth worker and the other is my kinda boss person.

Anyway I really like them but like in a sexual way, but I think about them all the time and play little scenarios in my head with them. I feel like I want to be closer to them and for them to understand me more.

I kinda feel like some sort of lesbian but not, yeah so what do you think is wrong with me?

thanks
x



edited for text talk by all_apologies
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Postby all_apologies » Sat Jul 30, 2005 4:34 pm

Hey, you'd be surprised at how many posts we get from people in the exact same situation as you, so firstly, don't feel weird. It's obviously quite common (something I've discovered since joining this site).

Personally, I've experienced the same thing as you many, many times with various girls too. It started when I was about 11, and was generally older people like teachers and people I looked up to, but as I got a little older (at around 15) it developed into feelings for people of my own age too.

I've since decided I think I'm bisexual or gay, though it's still an issue that causes me a lot of confusion at 19. Depending on how old you are, things might become a bit clearer to you as you grow up.

However, it doesn't at all have to mean that you're gay - I don't want to scare you into thinking that! A lot of people go through phases like this. You may just look up to these people and like them so much that you constantly crave their attention. There's nothing wrong with this and it's perfectly natural.

I'll have a look for some of the similar topics from a while ago to let you have a read through and see you're not the only one feeling this way.
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Postby lilessexgal » Sat Jul 30, 2005 4:39 pm

yeah your not weird at all! and all this does not mean your nesseceraily gay either. people can have sexual fantasies about girls but only actually fance/love boys. its just all part of the weird world we live in. completely normal.

however if you do think you fancy them aswell or any girls dont worry there is obviously no problem with it. or you might find you like both which there is also nothing wrong with.
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Postby Moose » Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:39 pm

all_apologies wrote:Personally, I've experienced the same thing as you many, many times with various girls too. It started when I was about 11, and was generally older people like teachers and people I looked up to, but as I got a little older (at around 15) it developed into feelings for people of my own age too.


Me too, word for word.

As a_a said, it will either be a phase which you will grow out of, or you will start to like other girls of your own age as time goes on. Unfortunately, as someone who has been through this, I'm sorry to say that the only way you will find out what you want is by letting time tell. I know it's annoying, but there's nothing else you can do. Like a_a, I was still confused at 19, and it wasn't until I went into a long term relationship with another woman when I was 20 that I accepted what was actually happening to me.

In the meantime, take time to think about the sort of people you fancy. It could be that they are all mother figures, in which case you may be looking for someone to take that role in your life. Or maybe you just like older women! You might find you fancy girls who have personalities or looks you admire and want to be like - in which case, you might be looking for an identity for yourself.

Or you might just find yourself fancying all sorts of different girls, in which case you may be gay or bi.

Any way, just give yourself time, with no pressure, to work out what you want in life.
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Postby arwen » Mon Aug 01, 2005 11:37 am

No you're definitely not weird, most people do experience these sort of feelings at some point. It may be just a phase which passes, or you may come to realise that these feelings define who you are and you realise you are attracted to women. Either way, there's nothing wrong and you're not weird, so don't worry about it and just "go with the flow".
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Postby Sammeh » Tue Aug 02, 2005 9:02 pm

Can I just say thanks for moose and all_apologies for telling their experiences?

I'm still a bit mixed up on the whole sexuality thing. It's not so much fear of being anything, but it was beginning to get to me that at 19 i was getting mixed up about this, when I got through my younger teenage years (where you're "supposed" to have all the confusion?) barely questioning it.

So sorry to hijack your thread secret days, I just wanted to say thanks to you guys and get this off my chest a bit.

And no...you're definatley not weird, but you're not alone in feeling like this.

Sam x
You say it's gonna happen now...but what exactly do you mean? 'Cos I've already waited too long, and all my hope is gone...
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Postby all_apologies » Tue Aug 02, 2005 9:20 pm

Sammeh wrote:Can I just say thanks for moose and all_apologies for telling their experiences?


Aww :D
It's actually made me much more at ease about it all since coming on here and speaking to like-minded people. If you ever want to chat, PM me... Moose is good on the subject too!
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Postby Sammeh » Tue Aug 02, 2005 9:40 pm

I agree with you there.

This is been playing on my mind for a long time - not even talked to rela-life matea bout it though (maybe I should?)

Just to expand - I know I like guys but recently have realised i might be finding other women attractive too. I look at girls in the street etc. and it kinda dawns on me i'm checking them out! Part of my head is going "no, no, you just tink she's really cool looking", and another part of me is going "oo she's hot!"

I worry about people taking me seriously (something I'm kinda insecure about) - i'm aware there are people that "come out" as bisexual because it's trendy or they want attention.I don't want to be perceived like that, so I don't want to talk aobut ti to friends till I'm absolutly sure. But i also feel like I need to discuss my feelings to make myself more sure(?)

It's something that bothers me too because ina ll other aspects I feel very sure of my identity. I'm not bothered aobut acceptance etc. so much, it's more an internal issue.

Wow that's a huge weight off my shoulders!
Sorry if this is in a weird place!
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Postby all_apologies » Wed Aug 03, 2005 12:10 am

You say you're checking them out and don't know if you're just admiring them or not. Well, any straight girl can look at another girl and think she's stunning - there's nothing weird about that, and it doesn't at all mean they should question their sexuality.

However, do you find that you're seeing them sexually? Rather than just thinking they're hot, do you think about doing anything with them as a result of your attraction?
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Postby Secret_days » Wed Aug 03, 2005 12:23 pm

thanks for all the relpies and advice type stuff
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Postby Moose » Thu Aug 04, 2005 8:13 pm

all_apologies wrote:
Sammeh wrote:Can I just say thanks for moose and all_apologies for telling their experiences?

If you ever want to chat, PM me... Moose is good on the subject too!


Thanks, that's really nice.

Sammeh, I would strongly advise you against chatting about it randomly with your real-life mates unless you have someone you can totally, totally trust. I wish so much that I had known of a site like this when I was at my 'worst' stage because it would have been such a weight off my mind, as you said, Sam. As it was, I basically drove myself insane worrying about it all on my own. :(

But anyway, Sam in particular, you have gone about it the opposite way to me (and I think a_a as well), in that you see girls in the street you like. When I first liked girls, I only liked girls I knew, and they didn't even have to be fit. It was totally a personality/way about them thing. But now, I do like girls I see in town and stuff.

It's annoying when girls say they're bi just to get attention. They obviously don't understand how difficult it is for girls who really do think they're bi to actually admit it to themselves and then other people.
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Postby Sammeh » Thu Aug 04, 2005 10:38 pm

all_apologies wrote:You say you're checking them out and don't know if you're just admiring them or not. Well, any straight girl can look at another girl and think she's stunning - there's nothing weird about that, and it doesn't at all mean they should question their sexuality.


I've always been cool with the idea of appreciating attractiveness in other women. And often, yeah that's all it is. But it is becoming more now.

I have "done things" with women, though only with friends and only when alcohol has been involved. And I feel okay with that, in fact better than okay (it was one fairly recent experience that set this whole thing off majorly). I'm just slightly intimidated by the idea of pulling another woman or getting to know someone as more than mates. it's just really shaky territory to me. But i dunno how i'm gonna manage to figure this out if i don't try things.

Moose, as regards my friends...I guess in a way they may be the best people to talk to, as my closest couple of mates are gay, so i suppose they have been through this. But part of me thinks that could be subconciously influencing me? Sounds stupid i know...i'm not gonna have "caught gay" by hanging around with them!!!!

If i feel i need to bring it up then i feel cool doing that with them. But atm i think i'm still too confused to have a conversation aobut this that would make sense!!!
You say it's gonna happen now...but what exactly do you mean? 'Cos I've already waited too long, and all my hope is gone...
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Postby Moose » Fri Aug 05, 2005 6:06 pm

Oh right. I don't think for one second that you have "caught gay" from them - although I can see what you mean! Maybe having a couple of gay mates has sparked off something that was already going on inside you.

I think most people who are having doubts about their sexuality find it totally scary to think of getting to know another woman/man in a sexual way and to actually go about having a relationship with them. The people I have ever done stuff with or had relationships with were my friends originally, so it was more relaxed. I suppose it's the same as a hetero-relationship: you're scared of ruining the friendship etc.

To both Sammeh, and Secret_days, (and hey, even you, a_a) I would just say go with what you feel and see if you really do like it. You know what people say: it's better to regret something that you did do rather than something that you didn't.
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dont worry

Postby dinoXcore » Mon Jul 24, 2006 12:35 pm

Dont worry- I think alot of girls go through this. There has been so many times this has happened to me. Like its like a crush but your not a lesbian and you dont feel the same way about girls your age.(im 13)
Well it happenned to me with a teacher of mine, and two of my mums friends and many woman. I feel like I want to be really close to them and for them to love me loads and sometimes I feel like its really obsessive. I think about them all the time and i prefur to spend time with them than my normal friends.
Alot of people on this site have similar problems so it does not mean your wierd and it does not mean your a lesbian. But it has given me hope that other people have the same problem as I do.
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