Pretty messed up life because i`m a lesbian and a muslim

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Pretty messed up life because i`m a lesbian and a muslim

Postby maz » Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:08 pm

Hey people thanking you for reading my life story.
Well to start with i am a 20 year old muslim lez. Problem is i am very un lucky in love...
I always fall for someone i can never have because of being gay.
My first love was when i was say thirteen i know way too young but i was really in love believe it or not- it lasted all the way through secondary school when i was 16 but the girl whom i fell for got married and my world fell apart. I thought i could never trust anyone and as a results got bad gcse results because i was depressed.
It was more like a bereavement because i could not stop crying i withdrew myself from everyday life, could not sleep in the night etc...
I could never tell her how i felt because was too scared off rejection.
Than believe it or not when i was on the re bound i fell for someone again and again they got married... :(
I had totally given up on love until someone i met through a friend started paying me attention it was blatant she likes me, eye contact etc making it so obvious but the worst thing is she is married and has a child. Story of life... I have started to like her too but don`t want to wreck her marriage what shall i do?
Thing is some boys say they like me but i do not feel the same about them. I am also a muslim so this is even harder. Thank u for reading this x
maz
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Postby PurePurple » Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:12 pm

Hmm this is quite difficult.

You could just explain how you have feelings for her, Ask her if she likes you too. Im sorry it's not much.

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Postby maz » Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:39 pm

Well purple i think of her all the time. The best thing is she feels the same. She always looks deep in to my eyes and gets shy etc. The first time i met her i did not even know her properly but she told me she got married very young it was as though she was not happy in her marriage. The attraction was there the first time i saw her. I am not a marriage wrecker but don`t know what to do. I am a muslim i was born here etc... but because i belong in a asian family my parents want me to get a arranged marriage, but i have always said no that i`m too young but as i`m getting older i am dreading it. I have never had feelings for a guy. She got into an arranged marriage too.
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Postby dark_talon » Mon Jan 23, 2006 7:23 pm

This is a difficult thing.

Aside from your religion and sexuality, I do not think it is a good idea to get involved with this person. Unless she actually leaves her husband. Which she may be reluctant to do. She sounds confused, she may like you, but until you know how much I would refrain from any action. You do not want to get hurt again.

By the sounds of it you are very young any way, don't be in a hurry to find someone to be with. I think it may be best to take time out to consider your own feelings generally. It does sound to me that you are indeed gay, however you also appear to be a little confused? I understand that the pressure from your family probably adds to that.

With regards to your religion, again that is very difficult and I wouldn't want to tell you what to do, as it is a very personal decision. But my own feelings on the matter.... (I know this would be very difficult to do) is to be open about your feelings. I didn't agree with a certain aspect of the religion my mum was trying to push me into when I was younger, and because I felt I would be being dishonest to that religion if continued to study it, I chose to remove myself from it. Very difficult decision to make and that was my personal decision (so not saying you should do the same). But I do think you need to think carefully about the matter. Religions don't tend to make allowances for differences.
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Postby Liquidius » Mon Jan 23, 2006 9:10 pm

Aside from your religion and sexuality, I do not think it is a good idea to get involved with this person. Unless she actually leaves her husband.


I have to agree with that. It's not a good idea getting involved with a married person at all, unless of course they separate. I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but it'd be best to move on from this.
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Postby L0SER » Wed Jan 25, 2006 1:05 am

No Offence Meant by This Right: But How Can U be a Muslim and A Lesbian?? Not that i see anything wrong with it atall but its a lil hypicritical seens as in Islam Homosexuality is completly and utterly forbidden and frowned upon. i dont understand how u can believe in Islam yet change the fundamental word of God (the quran is said to be the exact word of god right?) to suit yourself?

I just dont understand.
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Postby Lorelei » Wed Jan 25, 2006 1:02 pm

Many of us grow up being taught about a religion, and seeing the positive sides of it. However, if we grow up and find that something about us is opposed to that religion's teachings, it is hard to find a cut-off point. Maz may believe in her religion, but she can't help being a lesbian.

I can understand your worries about an arranged marriage. I hope you will be able to resolve the conflict between your family's expectations and your feelings before that time comes.

For now, I agree with the others that getting involved with a married mother would only open you up to being hurt. If she does not want to remain in her marriage, she should really take the necessary steps before getting into another relationship. If she just wants an affair, then you will probably feel as though you are an escape to her. That sort of relationship doesn't usually have a future, and you should probably hold out for somebody who s properly available to you. xxx
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Postby Rob01 » Wed Jan 25, 2006 1:27 pm

L0SER wrote:No Offence Meant by This Right: But How Can U be a Muslim and A Lesbian?? Not that i see anything wrong with it atall but its a lil hypicritical seens as in Islam Homosexuality is completly and utterly forbidden and frowned upon. i dont understand how u can believe in Islam yet change the fundamental word of God (the quran is said to be the exact word of god right?) to suit yourself?

I just dont understand.


Many people consider themselves 'Christians', but every day they do things against the principles in the Bible.
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Postby dark_talon » Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:40 pm

That is all very true. But in my opinion Loser has a point. Religions are not meant to be flexible. I can understand if someone wants to remain a follower of one particular religion, however if they themselves differ from the word of that particular god then how can they be following that religion? It is not following it in the true sense.

It has only been with recent years that people have decided that they can make allowances to religion (probably because it is not that important any more) and adapt what they do to their own practices. I cannot see how you can be something when you are going against the fundamental beliefs of that religion.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying there is anything wrong with being a lesbian. I chose to not practice being Jehovah's Witness because I couldn't fit myself into it. And that was nothing to do with the celebration side of it. I learnt everything about it, and I even felt that I believed in God and I think I still do. However I could not continue to practice it, knowing that I was adapting the religion to suit my needs! I know it is different for maz, as it is not a need but it is still adapting the religion. I am just using that as an example, so you can see where my comments have come from. Not everyone is the same and that is just my opinion.

I think this is an interesting topic. Completely off the subject of what maz should do concerning her partner though! Sorry! :roll:
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Postby all_apologies » Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:45 pm

LOSER, there are some valid points above to answer your question. Could all users now stick to offering your advice to the author's original post. Cheers 8)
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Postby bellajennie » Wed Jan 25, 2006 6:47 pm

I think that you have almost combined the two problems that are before you. The first it seems to me is that you feel attached to someone married and the second that you feel because you are a muslim there is something wrong with being gay.

My advice is, speaking from experience, never get involved with someone who is in a relationship unless you are both fully committed to eachother and that person is willing to give their partner up for you. If this is not the case, hard though it seems, you shouldn't get involved - it will only lead to problems and more heartbreak.

Secondly, love is a strange and wonderful thing, but it is also predominantly the reason why this forum exists - its very erratic and problematic. It also comes and goes like the tide, so you shouldn't be worried about rejecting something that isn't right for you because the time will come again.

Finally, if you believe in Islam, don't give it up. We are all sinners in the eyes of God and whilst I know that Muslims dont believe in homosexuality, God still loves you if you are a good person and live your life in the best way you can. It will be difficult for your religion to accept this, but prejudice is common with coming out even if you're not religious unfortunately. Just try to be happy and focus on the things you want, rather than trying to meet the needs of everyone else.

Hope this helped x
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Postby maz » Wed Jan 25, 2006 8:05 pm

Bellajennie and Lorelei Thank you so much for your advice; And everyone that has replied it means alot...
Firstly LOSER it is not my fault what i am. I was born this way if i could change myself i would honest. It is something i cannot change.
I would never change my religion ISLAM is a beautiful religion but what i feel can not be helped.
I know i shouldn`t get involved with this women but what else do i do.
Failed so many times in love...
It is easy for people to say that what i am is wrong but unless your in my position you would not understand.
Thank you i will write back tommorrow.
maz
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Postby Lorelei » Thu Jan 26, 2006 12:07 pm

I may be entirely wrong in saying this, but do you think that the reason you keep falling for unavailable women is because, subconsciously, you are afraid of having a proper, open relationship with another woman?

Could it be that a part of you would find it easier to have an affair, or a crush, because you are expecting to have an arranged marriage in the future, and you wouldn't want to have to explain that to a full-time partner?

As I say, this may not be the case. It just strikes me that you could meet other single lesbians if you really tried (clubs/cafes/online, etc.) but you have a history of being interested in women who you cannot fully have.

If you met someone who you could really have a future with, what then? You would be forced to make some very painful decisions at some point, and you would end up hurting people you love either way. I think that would scare me a little bit too. Just a thought! xxx
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Postby xhannahlucyx » Thu Jan 26, 2006 7:14 pm

I have to agree with that lol. It's not a good idea getting involved with a married person at all, unless of course they separate. I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but it'd be best to move on from this.

it is for the best not unless they seperate
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lorelei

Postby maz » Thu Jan 26, 2006 7:56 pm

lorelei thing about me is that i have always been a romantic even though i haven`t had a chance to express my feelings. I want someone for life not just for an affair, i want commitment and want someone to be just mine. I do not want to share someone i just want them fully. You know i used to only fall for someone that wasn`t married, because i simply jut wasn`t attracted to married women, because i knew i could never be with them. I have not had any sexual experience but if i did in my heart of hearts i would want it to be someone in the same position as me- unexperienced.
Due to me being broken hearted in the past- i am now settling for second best. I know this way i`m going to get hurt all over again but @least she feels the same. Those other women i fell might have felt the same but than again might not (who knows).
Thank you once again for giving me your precious time reading this xxx.
maz
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