About a Girl...

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About a Girl...

Postby Niamh » Tue Feb 21, 2006 10:46 am

I am a 20-year-old woman - a student - and I don't really know how to put this... I am usually quite straight (!) but for the last while I have really fancied and liked this girl I have gotten to know... We live in the same block of student flats...When I am around her I feel turned on and I am so attracted to her... The problem is she is in a long-distance relationship with a woman who is a good bit older than her, but I really feel it isn't good for her... The woman is quite controlling of her and I feel that the girl I like is always backing down to her and letting herself be controlled... It is none of my business really, and no one ever really knows what goes on in other people's relationships, but from what she's told me it sounds unhealthy and reminds me very much of a relationship I had for 3 years with an extremely controlling guy, which eventually made me forget who I really was and what I really wanted... She hasn't been going out with this woman for too long, and for most of the time it has been a long distance relationship, but they already have a plan to live in the same house here next academic year... ARGH, I know I am going on a good bit, but should I interfere with this or leave well enough alone? I care about and fancy this girl a lot, but I have never had an experience with a woman before... hmmmm like I said I don't think I have really said this properly...I don't really know what I'm asking, just for opinions I suppose... I am quite confused about my feelings for her, because, although women have turned my head before, I've never actually quite felt this way about one before... I am normally very much into men, but this feels natural and good...Should I try something or should I just be a friend?
Thanks.
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Postby amanda11 » Tue Feb 21, 2006 2:52 pm

i think you should treat this the same way as if she were a man. Just because you have no experience with women doesn't mean your feelings and intentions are any different. Would you get involved if it was a guy you really liked with a long term girlfriend?

Perhaps you should try to befriend her. Find out more about her relationship and be there for her as a friend. That way you will be able to make a better judgement as to whether you should get involved.
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Postby all_apologies » Wed Feb 22, 2006 12:00 am

I wouldn't advocate attempting to strike up a romantic relationship whilst her partner is still on the scene. It all depends on how close you are already; if you're quite good friends then it might be worthwhile voicing your concerns about her relationship in a friendly non-intrusive way. She might start to think twice about the way her girlfriend's treating her if you say you're worried about her.

If this has absolutely no effect and she doesn't respond, you could always tell her that you've got feelings for her but don't want to interfere with her relationship. This way, she's aware of how you feel, but doesn't feel her existing relationship is threatened.

As an aside, with regards to questioning your sexuality - well, if you have a look through these forums alone you'll find a whole lot of girls in similar situations. Whether you are gay/bi or whether it's just curiosity, if it feels right for you then go for it (unless, as in this case, the person is still spoken for!). If being with a girl doesn't turn out to be right for you at least you've acted upon your feelings and given it a go.
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Postby bellajennie » Thu Feb 23, 2006 2:41 am

Has anything happened between the two of you? Does she know how you feel?
I couldn't say if she wants you as you seem to want her, but if she has done anything with you while she has a girlfriend, what sort of person does that make her? Surely you wouldn't want to get involved with someone who cheats anyway.

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Postby Niamh » Thu Feb 23, 2006 3:37 am

We have kissed a couple of times and there was a bit of touching etc, but nothing too much, and I was the one to initiate it and she was vulnerable at the time because things were rocky with her girlfriend, so she needed affection and sympathy, and we were talking it all through, but I know I shouldn't have done it, it wasn't fair on her and made her feel guilty afterwards... Since I posted my problem she has kind of sorted things out with her girlfriend but she is still in doubt... I want to be a good friend to her but I really want her for myself as well... She says she loves her girlfriend but I wonder if maybe she is just in a comfort zone with her and can't imagine anything else because she has never been in another serious relationship... I will have to step back and leave it up to her I think... It's just that we hang around a lot, and her girlfriend lives like 5 hours away so is never here, and I can't help stealing glances at her and touching her in little ways... I don't know.. ARGH!!!!
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Postby ellie24 » Thu Feb 23, 2006 5:40 pm

stay away. shes in a relationship xxxxxx
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Postby Niamh » Thu Feb 23, 2006 6:42 pm

I will - we have talked about it and we are going to be great friends and that's that... Ah well, I can dream! Heheh...
Thank you.
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Postby bellajennie » Thu Feb 23, 2006 9:10 pm

Do you think you can do that?
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Postby Niamh » Thu Feb 23, 2006 9:33 pm

I hope so, Bellajennie... I mean, i want us to be great friends, and she is one of the best people I have ever met, so I am sure it will work - but for me there will always be the attraction there and the desire for something more... but that's how it goes, innit? You can't have everything you want... She is determined to make her current relationship work and I really hope it works for her, but yes I am raging that I didn't get to have a chance at making a relationship with her... But maybe I could not give her what she needs anyway? I don't know... But hopefully things will turn out for the best, and if that means a long and happy relationship with her girlfriend then so be it... I will definitely remain her friend through thick and thin... I feel I've known her for years, she was an amazing friend to find. I am so lucky.
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