scared i might be gay!

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scared i might be gay!

Postby ohwell » Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:10 pm

:oops:
erm, I have had a girlfriend for two and a bit years and i do love her , that is for sure bu it took me while to take things further in the bed room and i have felt odd being in that situation. I do love her she is like my best mate i feel so safe round and she is beutifull but i find it hard to enjoy sex with her. Since a young age i have always seen boys and girls as equal in attraction but never made a move on a guy . when i am on my own and have those thoughts of a sexual nature a always think men but i keep thinking how much i love my girl friend . please help
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Postby ellie24 » Wed Mar 08, 2006 5:57 pm

Hello,
This is obviously really difficult for you. I understand how it must be a fight between your sexual feelings and the love you have for your girl. Firstly, are you not attracted to your girlfriend in the slightest? You say shes beautiful. Perhaps your bisexual. Do you have a problem with sleeping with her? Do you not like it? I think you need to decide whether you really wanna risk loosing this girl you love in order to explore your sexual feelings towards men. If you do this, you risk losing a relationship that is obviously special. Have u spoken to her about this? Does she know about ur gay feelings? I dont think that ur definately gay, it may just be a phase xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Postby sovs » Wed Mar 08, 2006 6:12 pm

are you sure you not just with her for sercurity?
you say your best friends and you feel sercure with her is that why your with her? to stay in a safety zone?
maybe you should discuss your feelings with her?
it could be that you are bisexual but if your not sure and sex with her is odd maybe you should have a break and try to think things through.
it wouldnt be fair on her to stay with her for sercuity and secretly holding a flame for the same sex.
you need to really think things through and talk to your partner.
good luck
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Postby bry x » Wed Mar 08, 2006 6:36 pm

Hi ohwell,

I really feel for you mate, it must be really hard to have these feeling locked up.

I think that you should think about whether or not you still want to be with your girlfriend or not?

Because if you lose her and try to explore other things you might really regret it if all dosent go as well as planned.


Hope all does go well

Bry x
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Postby morris mouse » Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:35 pm

bry x wrote:Because if you lose her and try to explore other things you might really regret it if all dosent go as well as planned


Looks like you've got a good relationship with your girlfriend :D

Perhaps you are bisexual---Who knows ???

I wouldn't "rock the boat" in any way,as "bry x" has said
You may live to REGRET it :o :o
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Postby all_apologies » Thu Mar 09, 2006 12:27 am

I'm commenting from my own personal experience, which you can take any way you want. It's important to remember that everyone's different and in the end you're the only one that can know for sure.

Anyway, I've been in a very similar situation. I'm a girl, and pretty much all throughout my teens have always had a guy on my arm. However, as much as I could appreciate how attractive my partners have been, I came to realise that the relationships were going nowhere because I had no desire to actually be with a man. Finding someone attractive and actually being attracted to them are two different things, and I must admit it took me a while to realise that my relationships weren't quite like others around me because of this very reason.

The way you speak about your girlfriend really struck a chord with me. You can look at her and see that she's attractive, yet by the sounds of it you don't have any sexual feelings for her. This is exactly how I feel with guys, only having come to accept it in the past couple of years. Once I realised and accepted I wasn't totally straight, I allowed myself to look at girls sexually, and it feels much more natural to me.

I agree with some of the above comments that you may just be with her because you're in a comfort zone, but this is unfair on both of you. To me, it sounds like women might not be right for you, but this is just because your situation sounds so similar to my own. Only you can decide, but try not to string your girlfriend along in case she starts to think she's inadequate or has done something wrong.
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Postby sovs » Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:34 pm

excellant advice all_apologies
think you were the best one to answer ohwell :wink:
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Postby all_apologies » Thu Mar 09, 2006 9:27 pm

Aw thanks :D
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Postby seksiclaire » Thu Mar 09, 2006 10:29 pm

Hiya i dunno if this is any consolation, but i am in a relationship with a fella who i love to bits he is my soulmate i believe. Altho i feel that lesbian porn turns me on more than straight porn. So im guessing my sexuality is bi-curious i dunno :-? As for the sex thing, i think that ur mind has gone into overdrive as to whether your gay or not n this has made u feel distant from your girlfriend. Maybe you are bisexual? I dont think that labelling people as a certain sexuality is necessary as i believe that a man who calls himself Gay can fall in love with a girl in the emotional sense, even if he is not physically attracted to her, and vice versa for lesbian women.
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Postby sovs » Fri Mar 10, 2006 12:24 am

seksiclaire it doesnt nessersarly mean your bi because girl on girl porn turns you on. im pretty sure most women get turned on by it and fantisies about it, i think its quite natural.
of course theres a difference between fantasy and reality
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Postby ohwell » Mon Mar 20, 2006 4:25 pm

hi folks just wanna say thanks for all the advice. I have realised that I do love my girlfriend and that I might not be gay but I am still scared when that day comes when some guy fires up the feelings I am scared of. once again cheers esp to bry and all apoligies. xxxxx =D>
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Postby ohwell » Thu Mar 23, 2006 6:06 pm

Oh my god its got really bad today I dont know where I am I just saw a really goodlooking man on the tube and felt sick when I looked at him. He was so cute and I wanted to talk to him but then I was like you like girls oh my god I had to go home for you know what. I feel so guilty Is ther any gay lads on this site I could to talk or any one I feel really odd
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Postby Moose » Thu Mar 23, 2006 6:22 pm

Hi Ohwell,
There are a few of us on this site who have been through similar situations to the one you're in now, and keeping it to yourself is almost definitely making it seem much more scary, daunting, guilt inducing, and confusing. If PP had been around when I was 13, 14, 15, 16 and going through my most gay stages (as in feeling more gay than I am now, because I wasn't talking about it) I am absolutely convinced that I wouldn't have spent so much time thinking I was the only one, and analysing, and wrestling with the guilt. So, whatever happens, keep coming on here and posting. People know what you're going through, and some of us have been there already/are there now.

I don't think you've said how old you are, but if you've got some time on the Internet, look up some 'gay' links. I used to spend forever looking at all sorts of magazine articles about people who'd realised they were gay/bi, and what they'd done about it, and all the problem pages in magazines when there was always someone who fancied their same sex best mate or teacher. The reason I mentioned your age is because whether you're 15 or 35, a lot of the teen links are pretty good for people who are coming to terms with/worrying about their sexuality. Here's one I've read over and over.

Good luck, and keep posting, because you're not on your own.
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Postby all_apologies » Thu Mar 23, 2006 7:05 pm

The gay/bi male regular members I can think of at the moment are Cameron2810 and Bluerayman. You might want to send one of them a PM if you're looking to speak to a guy who's been in a similar situation.

Try not to feel guilty about having feelings for other men. As soon as you allow yourself to have these thoughts or feelings, and see the possibility of being bi or gay as perfectly acceptable, you'll feel a whole lot happier within yourself.

Have you ever considered telling your girlfriend about the feelings you have for other men? Although it may be hard on her, it might help to explain to her why you act in the way that you do with her, assuming she's noticed.

As I said before, it's really important that you don't string her along. I'd encourage you to explore your sexuality, even if only to put your mind at ease. However, first you need to decide whether being with her is really making you happy enough to stay with her. You could always suggest you take a break from your relationship to give you time to clear your head and perhaps pursue your feelings for other men.
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Postby ohwell » Thu Mar 30, 2006 12:51 pm

hi folks. I did it folks last night for the first time I walked into a GAY club , which was so odd but enlightning and broke some of the fantasies i been having about men mainly because i was being lured at which is a new situation for me. I didnt have the balls to talk to any one mainly because I didnt find any one attractive but also because i was so scared. Any way this morning i felt great and hyelped me that I do love my girlfriend and might not be gay because i didnt fancy any one in there like the odd people i have seen in the street. so what I am going to do leave going to gay clubs out for a while and concentrate on where my relationship with the girlfriend is going . maybe i am bi but at the moment i hgave girl friend of which i love and telling her these feelings would hurt her so now is the time enjoy what i have with her and kill any gay emotions untill the relationship dies. i am going down the right path? #-o
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