scared i might be gay!

For any problems related to sexuality, coming out & gay relationships.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Postby x.honey.x » Thu Mar 30, 2006 3:32 pm

Well done on going into a gay club. I bet u feel relieved that you didnt really feel anything for any men. However in the furture if you do feel things for men, don't feel scared. It is perfectly natural for men and women at some stage intheir life to have feelings towrds the same sex. This does not mean that you are definately 100% gay. Quite often it could just be curiosity, some may think it but never act on it, some may try and hate it, some may try and like it as equally as having sex with the opposite sex and some may try it and love it and never look back.

I am speaking from experience. I absolutly loved men all my life, however when I was in a relationship with them I never felt comfortable and there was always something missing. I never realised what that was until I was 16 and a half and things happened unplanned with a female friend or mine (I'm female by the way) we hadnt had a sip to drink, it just happened but it felt totally right even though it was both our first times with someone of the same sex. For a while after that I was confused, I kept thinking to myself oh my god what happened here then but at the same time it felt right. After a while I relaised I must be bi. I carried on dating men but secretly I suppose I prefered women, I just never knew where to go to meet them. Things happened on and off with women and I got to the stage where I just hated doing anything sexually at all with a man.

In 2003/2004 I got talking to a girl on the internet. We lost touch for quite a while but got chatting again in Dec 2004 by which time she had a boyfriend. We spoke everyday by text or on the net and you could tell by what was sent in the messages that we both liked eachother. She was going off her bloke and eventually in March 2005 she ended it with him, not long after that we met up and got on so well. A Year later I am still with her, in my happiest and longest relationship ever. I've lived with ehr and her 2 children for coming upto a year now, so you can see we didnt waste anytime. We even got engaged on Xmas Day 2005.

Anyway enough about me. Please promise not to worry if you get feelings towards the same sex again. It doesnt mean you are gay, its probably just curiosity. Anyway good luck with your girlfriend. Hope all this helps. :D
Plz reply asap.
Take care.
Love Amber
xXx
User avatar
x.honey.x
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:08 pm
Location: Ipswich

up date

Postby ohwell » Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:46 pm

right since I last talked to you all I have found my self going into the gay club more and more which is odd because i didnt like it the first time and now its becoming more of an obsession. I dont talk to anyone i just stand in the corner and get off on the fact people are looking at me but one night i was followed home which scared the hell but i lost him round a corner but saw him looking for me for at least ten minutes afterwaards. any way back to the girlfriend we are now on a break because i made so bull up about us needing a break to think about what we want from the relation ship. I think that this might be reason i keep going back to the club even though odd stuff like being followed is happening. after going to these clubs I find my self masturbating more frequently(even fingering my self with a condom over my hand) even if I havent found any one attractive to fantize about. I have also noticed that i am loosing touch with my social circle . maybe because i rather sit in the gay club on my own than talk booze and football. am i turning into a weird loner who has weird bedroom habits, am starting to loose touch with things plz help some one
ohwell
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:01 pm
Location: lancashire

Postby ellie24 » Wed Apr 12, 2006 9:04 pm

mmm its so difficult. r u still having a break from your girlfriend? do u like the idea of actually having anal sex with a man? i don't know what is best for you. have u considered stopping going to the gay club and just living life as normal? surely if you just let things be, life will work out. You will soon know your sexuality when u meet the girl or guy who is right for you. did u ever tell ur girlfriend about these feelings? do u have msn?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ellie24
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 66
Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2005 8:13 pm

Postby spacerocker » Thu Apr 13, 2006 6:14 pm

i dont know how you feel at all but all i can say if you feel right doing it do it! keep safe mate
spacerocker
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Mar 27, 2006 12:44 pm

THE END of such a horid time

Postby ohwell » Tue May 09, 2006 4:43 pm

hello
This is the last time I will ever put a post about this situation. this is the end because last night I met up with my now ex girl friend to talk abot the break and I told her the truth . I AM GAY. Wow I ve said . She was hurt but glad i told her but she told me she had a felling because she noticed that I had a copy of the calivin klien underwear poster under my bed . She also said she cant bring her self to see me for a while but one day we shall be mates again because I do miss her company and chats. Any way I after I left the pub where we had our chat I felt that I was on a role and I could do either two things ring my parents and tell them or go out on a guilt free night on my own so I went for the easy option which was go to Soho which was dead except for the usual older men which still kind of creep me out afdter that expeirence a month back but I felt confident and for the first time I was my old self brass and confident and went up to an average looking man called Rod ( he is 29, just out of a relationship fresh looking skin cute curly hair, luvly bum, really trendy glasses and good body shape) and I just went Hi my name is gav and I am so new to this and this is my first night out with out guilt, and being a modern man I said would you like a drink my treat. oh how cool am I , i thought . he said im up for a laugh he said, make mine a rum and coke. which was all fine and dandy until I noticed I didnt have a enough cash so he said dont worry and he bought us a bottle of wine to celebrate my first gay day. Bless him. so we chatted and chatted and he gave me advice on how to tell me folks. any how it was late 12 ish and he looked at his watch and said jelly I have to go ,do you want to walk back to the tube together ? so I said yeah. when we got to Picadily he turned round and said thanks and I hope all goes well for you but dont fall for me because I was first person you talked to in your new world but there is one thing I do want to do , H e turned round held my hand and kissed me on the lips gently AND SAID BE STRONG and if you need a friend call me.
So that was great but I thought I could try more things out with him but you know he has been there and its not fair on me to use him but whoooooooooooooooo i got a kiss off a man and i liked it. It was the perfect remedy for the chat I had earlier with Jane my ex.
I woke up this morning feeling great and I went round to my parents and sat them down. it was horid I felt so happy to get rid of the guilt but Ifelt so sick hurting my parents expectations. well i did it in a responcible manner like Rod told me too but I did rush it by saying that I broke it off with jane because I have homosexual feelings. the comments flew past me (mainly from my mum) but dad was just quiet. he looked so hurt and mum was saying stuff like is it a phase and after all that dadf just said 'I known for a while gav , youve always been different and i always thought it was because you are ARTY but we not angry its just hard to deal with , son. we talked about how jane felt because didnt want to see her hurt which is fair and they didnt want me getting stds because they didnt understand that I actually havent done it yet but here we are at 4:38 and I am in my flat feeling emotionally knackered but releaved . PP has been great for me to get the emotions across and word them and if i didnt have this site I wouldnt kno where I would be. thanks to all BUT i D still love to hear your views on my hetic night and morning, and if any one has got any sugestions to what I should do next. love and kisses Gav x :D :D :D :D :D
ohwell
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:01 pm
Location: lancashire

Postby ohwell » Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:39 pm

Hi folks its been awhile but I feel its time to re-question things
god the last I wrote on hear things were a bit HETIC! :o
well I came out to my ex and my parents but not much has really changed and that is why I am writting I have found myself on Gay chat rooms internet flirting beacuse the hunt for validity is still on ok I went to soho on the first night but since then i have been unable to go near those places Why? i STILL HAVE N'T TOLD ANY OF THE LADS FROM FOOTY because I like the old me too much to tell them plus I d have the jelly knock out of me. But the main problem is I still have a heavy feeling of guilt when I look at boys who I find attractive this is not the case when i'm flirting on line(is this because I in this virtual world or does the guilt come from my catholic up bringing talkin of which the conection with my parents has broken down we still talk every week but now its all about weather but it does get embarrasing when me dad tries to talk about fashion like that all gays talk about. How do I stop this guilt and stop supressing my homosexual urges
ohwell
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:01 pm
Location: lancashire

Postby spacerocker » Thu Aug 31, 2006 9:55 am

hi ohwell

I have noticed you have had these problems for a while and I belive you need to get over it. SOciety doesnot have a problem with homosexuals any more its not the 1950's. I f you want to go to a gay club do it. I also believe that the situation you are in is due to yourself living in a false life that you had set up for yourself. I reckon its time to tell other peoplewho you once believed were mates and maybe they can take you to the gay bars and support you .
any way I kno this seems harsh but mate its time to sort yourself out and move on :roll:
good luck phil
love to hear from you
spacerocker
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Mar 27, 2006 12:44 pm

Postby all_apologies » Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:24 am

spacerocker wrote:hi ohwell
SOciety doesnot have a problem with homosexuals any more


Hmm, I wouldn't entirely agree with that, and think that it's very easy to say if you're not the one fretting about coming out. These things do take a lot of time and thought, so if you don't feel ready yet, don't rush it.

ohwell wrote: How do I stop this guilt and stop supressing my homosexual urges


Okay, some of the guilt may be coming from your Catholic upbringing, if you still follow the religion? If so, you may want to look out for liberalist websites or groups to help you out.

However, I think a lot of the guilt comes from the hiding and not so much from the being gay itself. I find this is the case with me, anyway. I used to feel guilty for lying all the time, pretending I was straight and leading my friends to believe I'm something I'm not. Nowadays, although I haven't come out, I avoid saying/doing things that aren't being true to myself. For instance, I wouldn't pull a guy in a nightclub or go on about how hot Johnny Depp is just go along with everybody else. I know it's not a major step, but it does make me feel better in myself. I still feel a lot of guilt though, and think that a lot of this would dissipate if I came out and told the truth.

You've set the ball rolling by telling a few people, especially your parents. If you can pluck up the courage, I'd say that telling your friends is the next step. As I say, if you're anything like me, it could be that being false is causing you the guilt, not necessarily being gay. You're comfortable online because you're being entirely honest with the people you're meeting, so perhaps you'd feel the same in real life. Good luck!
User avatar
all_apologies
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3543
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2004 1:30 pm
Gender: Female

Previous

Return to Sexuality

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest