Do I tell her they are talking about her behind her back?

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Do I tell her they are talking about her behind her back?

Postby bluelea » Mon Mar 13, 2006 2:56 pm

I found out this weekend a friend of mine who i've known for 20 years is lesbian, I wasn't shocked but I cant explain why I wasn't, it doesnt change her she's still my mate,
however I didnt hear it from her, someone she told decided to tell some of her friends for her and I just heard that they fell out recently which makes me think she told them out of spite and I think its out of order cos my friend doesn't know we know,
Sadly I dont see my friend that often but i text her quite a bit and cos I grew up with her she's still a close friend of mine, do I confront her telling her I have heard she is lesbian and how I heard or do I pretend I dont know and see if she wants to tell me herself? Its a big thing for her so I dont want to do the wrong thing. I just want her to know it doesn't change anything she's still my mate and I hate the thought that she's dealing with this on her own.
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Postby brfc » Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:45 pm

i think since its a personal thing like that its best too let her tell u. if she does then u can say it doesnt change a thing were still good friends. i think she probably doesnt want it broadcasting or it could be just gossip which would upset your freindship if its not true. she will tell u if she wants in her own time.
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Postby X_Smiler_X » Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:06 pm

I agree. It's a personal matter, and your friends shouldn't be telling everyone about it, IF it is true.

You could maybe tell her what's been said, and then if she tells you it's the truth, you can tell her it doesn't change the way you feel about your friendship.

Gossiping is an awful thing, and they should know better.

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Postby PurePurple » Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:11 pm

Don't tell anyone if you think she is lesbian, she might be but so what..Just don't go spreading it round..
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Postby Moose » Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:35 pm

I don't think you should text your friend to tell her you've heard she's a lesbian. I know that rumours are doing the rounds about me at the moment (hey, you're not my friend, are you?!) and I wouldn't particularly want someone to text me and say "Hi, heard you're a lesbian,". It would make me totally paranoid that everyone was talking about me.

However, that said, I would want to know if people were talking about me. Do you even know for definite it's true? If I were you, I'd give her a ring and have a chat, and say something like "I just thought you should know that people are saying you're a lesbian. I don't care if you are or you're not, personally, as long as you're okay, but I thought you had the right to know," That's how I'd like to be told anyway. In fact, that's almost word for word how I was told at work a couple of years ago. Then it's up to her whether she says "Well I'm not!" or ""Yeah, they're right" or, as I did "Oh okay, well thanks for telling me. Anyway, about the meeting on Wednesday...."

If she is a lesbian, and she's just come out (or someone's kindly outed her) she may well be going through a tough time at the moment, so it's up to you to be there and keep things as normal as possible.

Good luck.
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Postby bluelea » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:52 pm

I dont think i explained myself very well, i would never text her and say hi i've heard you are a lesbian!,
what i meant was the contact i have with her at the moment is we text each other, so i would of said hi how are you we should meet up soon, i'd never text something so personal as that, i've known her too long, it'd definitely be face to face, i just didnt know that when i see her, if she does tell me herself i will say it doesnt change anything she's still my friend and as long as she's happy i'm happy, but do i tell her that i heard someone she had confided in is telling people?
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Postby bluelea » Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:57 pm

oh and thanks for the advice, it really helps to get other peoples views on situations, I just want to be a good friend and let her know that i'm here, i care about her and dont think someone should be saying something so personal about someone when they are only just sorting it out for themselves, she should be able to tell her friends when she is ready, i spoke to her earlier actually and i plan to pop round there to see her tomorrow eve so we'll see what happens.
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Postby Moose » Mon Mar 13, 2006 9:03 pm

bluelea wrote: but do i tell her that i heard someone she had confided in is telling people?


Yes, I think you should. If she's confiding in people who can't be trusted, she needs to know about it.
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Postby bluelea » Wed Mar 29, 2006 9:23 am

update: saw my friend, told her i heard something about her, before i could continue she said that she had an idea what it was and its not true so i could tell her, so i told her everything i heard and she said it wasnt true, the girl who said it actually said to her that she was going to get one up on her so she was expecting something.
how childish is that girl? and what planet is she on to think saying something like that would change the way we would be? all she's managed to do is make herself look like a witch? why would u make something like that up? Anyway i'm so glad I told my friend and we now see each other more because of this, she also told me last night that she confronted this girl and she had the cheek to deny it and say that we asked her about it?! there is something seriously wrong with this girl who's telling tales, maybe she's jealous or something?
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Postby singingsmiler » Wed Mar 29, 2006 10:09 am

Hey hun.
This girl who is saying things about your friends sounds as if she is jealous of your friend and is doing things to undermine her. This is a horrible thing to do and your friend seems to have taken it very well.

I'm glad you are now seeing more of your friend and that was able to confront the girl even if she didn't admit anything.

I thnk you have learnt who you can trust now.

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Postby bluelea » Wed May 24, 2006 1:38 pm

hello! another update,
i've recently heard that the rumour is in fact true, heard this not from my mate but a good friend of ours and I know she wouldnt lie, so i'm even more furious with that spiteful cow for telling people, and as far as my friend goes, i'm keeping it to myself and she can tell me when she feels ready to, it cant be easy for her, am meeting up with her next week so hope she feels she can talk to me about it.
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